Dolly Mama Strikes Again!

Today I attended my first school meeting of the new school year. I have 2 children that have been in speech therapy, and one who has been receiving speech, occupational, and cognitive therapy. Being in all of these therapies require several meetings throughout the school year to set goals, report on goals, and so forth. The group of people I work with are just great. I really enjoy meeting with them and getting their feedback about how my kids are doing and what we can do to help them more. After home educating for 6 years, and then switching to public school, I was initially inclined toward the paranoid notions that a lot of homeschoolers have toward public schools and special ed teachers, but thankfully have been shown that at least in my school district, everybody is very helpful, respectful of my home education experience, and all want to help the kids do their best.

Unfortunately, I still grapple with feelings of guilt as I hear about how my 4th child is struggling. He is the one that gets 3 kinds of therapy. He was born 3 months early. Somehow, even though I know logically that I did all I knew to do, all that I could have done, and have loved him greatly from the womb, I struggle with this feeling that somehow I have failed him, and that is why he has problems. Maybe a lot of mothers would feel the same in my position. I don't know. But, it can be really hard to sit at a table having people express, in the kindest ways possible, that my child has delays and oddities that cannot be named but are apparent to those who work closely with him. I was able to hold my thoughts together pretty well today (much better than last year when I felt like just crumpling up and crying after a meeting like this) but still, afterwards, it's there eating away at me.

It's a double-edged sword, this getting the help your child needs. On the one hand, it stinks to know they have these problems. You worry about their future. You wonder if it is somehow your own fault. Do these therapists think you are a terrible parent? Will the child turn out ok? On the other hand, it's so good to see the progress, to know that you're helping your child get what he needs to do better. My 4th kiddo has come SO FAR since last year at this time. Last year if you asked him, "What is your name?" he would reply, "name." If you asked, "What color is this?" and he would say, "Color is this." His speech was very hard to understand, as well. Now he answers questions, makes observations, can tell me what he did at school today, and everybody can understand most of what he says. Good stuff. We're very glad he's improved so much.

I had a revelatory moment after the regular meeting. The speech therapist wondered if I wanted my 7 year old to continue in speech this year. He has been in speech since preschool, but this year he is homeschooled again and I did not know that he could still get speech services. (I also wasn't so sure that he really needed speech any more) The speech therapist assured me that any child in the school district attending any school does qualify for a full range of special services. In the course of talking about my 7 year old with the speech therapist and the special ed expert that was there, I eventually explained why he was being homeschooled, about him failing first grade last year, and my observations about him, his learning style, concerns, and so forth. The special ed expert asked me, "Have you ever had him evaluated?" and a light went on in my head. Evaluated? For what? No, I never even thought of that. Sadly, his teacher never mentioned it to me either. (despite the fact that he tested at the bottom of the barrel in reading consistently throughout the year)

It never came into my mind that there might be something else going on with him. He has always been a little less mature than my other kids were at the same age. He has a lot of trouble grasping concepts. He does not remember very well. Learning just seems to be hard for him. Trying to homeschool him is rather maddening at times, because it seems like we go over the same stuff a lot and he still doesn't grasp it. I was looking at it entirely from a maturity standpoint, and thinking that all he needed was a little more time to grow. While that may still be the case, it also would be nice to know for sure if that's all it is, or if there is an actual problem in the learning process that we can help him with. So, sign that puppy up! Evaluate the heck out of him! :) I actually have some ideas in mind for approaching this issue from a natural health standpoint (I've been vaguely thinking about it, but hadn't made it a priority yet) but think it would be interesting to go ahead and have him evaluated before I start with my idea. I can be my own testimonial!

I know a lot of people, particularly die-hard homeschoolers, would really bristle at the thought of having a 7 year old evaluated for learning disabilities. One of my bugaboos with this is that if we believe that parents are smart enough and in-tune enough with their children's needs to think that they can educate them at home successfully, then I think we also need to believe that parents are smart enough and in-tune enough with their children's needs to think that they can get help from alternative sources and not be held suspect by the homeschooling community because of it.

And that's all I have to say about that.

(for today)