Quota

My youngest asked what else we were having for dinner. I told him veggies. He said,"veggies?! Veggies! I've had, like, a thousand veggies in my life! How many more is it gonna take?!". I guess he thought we were trying to meet a quota.

Poetic

Overheard my 7 year old say to his brother:

"A bunch of snot was unleashed, and came running out of my nose."

wow.

Berf

Earlier today I had a yogurt that my youngest wanted.

Youngest: "why do YOU get one and I don't?"

Me: "because I'm special."

Youngest: "why are YOU so special?!"

5th child: "because she's the mother that gave us birth!"
(which sounded like "berf")

Yes. I am the berf-er. The end.

Plain Hick Town

At the end of a letter to the editor in my town newspaper, where the writer is unhappy about the new school dress code:

"Wake up. This is a plain hick town and there isn't anything wrong with our kids wearing plain t-shirts. Before anyone gets mad, I can say this is a hick town because I was born and raised here."

Well, ok then. I live in a hick town. End of story.

Overheard

My younger boys are playing. I just heard:

"Feel my wrath!"

"No. YOU feel MY wrath!"

It's pretty darn fun to have kids in the house.

A Good Laugh

Insomnia Will Do This To You

Yesterday I found out about Regretsy. Oh. My. Word. Too funny for words. Go and laugh. (some graphic/adult content, so beware if the kiddies are around...)

Heard from a crazy person lately?

This is tragically hilarious. Enjoy!

These Kids Keep Me Laughing

One of the things I love most about young children is their secure faith in how much they are adored.

The other night I was snuggling with my youngest and it went something like this:

A: I love you sooooooooooooo much!

Me: I love you too! I love you HUGE!

A: You are the best mommy in the whole wide world!

Me: You are the best six year old in the whole wide world! I am a lucky mom to have such a great kid as you.

A: Yep! I'm the best kid God ever made!

I laughed and laughed. What a delight.

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Yesterday while doing school with the kids something came up that caused my daughter to jokingly say, "That's because I'm mom's favorite!"

My youngest turned toward me urgently, saying, "WHAT?! I thought *I* was your favorite!!"

He was completely serious.

Take 5 minutes to watch this

Have you seen this clever video to help guys stay out of the doghouse this holiday season? Go! Laugh! Share.

Laugh for the day

If you need a little laugh today, go check out Cake Wrecks. This site is full of some of the most unfortunate cakes you've ever laid eyes on. You have to see it to appreciate it.

My personal favorite was the tragedies that take place when people lack common sense (Literal LOLs)

Laser Mania and Sexy People

Did you ever wish for those ultra-cool laser backgrounds for your school photo? You will get a kick out of this collection here. What a hoot.

Not to be outdone, this site features a hilarious and unfortunate collection of portrait photos that are not to be missed.

Need a Laugh? Here you go....

I found a hilarious web site tonite: Baby's Got a Bad, Bad Name. It's full of commentary on the banter about baby names that goes on all over the internet in pregnancy-related bulletin boards. Too. Funny. To. Miss.

Behold, a few snippets:

For a girl I was thinking of naming her Quinlynn or Quinnlyn or something spelt similar. I can't find it in any books. What do you think of this name? Does it sound feminine?

No, it sounds like a 19th century cure for malaria.

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The name I really like and haven't told my husband yet is Aemezolina Mercedes. I love the huge name, but I think I would call her Mollie for short. It is an Indian name that I have changed a bit. Versions of it are also African and Latin. As far as I could find it has a rout that means, tower or strenght. I also like Isadora, but have much more passion for the first name. I would love help.

Well, the first step is admitting you need help. Good for you.

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does anyone like these names... blaine thomas tatiauna jane kendal landon chloe lynn trenton daniel kerin elizabeth

Hmm...how many rude things can we come up with to play off of Tatiauna? I got six in 30 seconds! It's like a Boggle game!

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MY first daughter name is Unique Melanie [last name] I wanted her fisrt name to be unique and she has my first name s her middle. I am 7 months pregnant and if its a girl her name will be Angel or Destiny Lanell [last name].If its a boy his name will be Maki(ma-ky-i)Donte'

Alright, I'll give her credit for skipping to the chase and just naming the kid "Unique." None of this Amberashlynn Daysharla crap. Save everyone the time and tell them exactly what to think. But, damn it, there's no way on this earth you can make people pronounce Maki with three syllables. Not unless you pay everyone on earth at least $50. More to the Japanese, who will laugh their asses off that you're naming your baby after a type of sushi.

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if i had a little girl i would name her Catatonia Calliope. catatonia meaning catatonic or in a coma and calliope meaning beautiful voice. i know its a tad odd but i like it!

See it means she has a beautiful voice. With no brain activity. And drools and needs a catheter. And is played at circuses!

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My to-be husband has a thing for "unique" names. He likes names such as "Veto" and "Enobi". I like what I call "cool" names. Then names such as "Kiki" and "Jack". We were having dissagrements with baby names till I smacked him upside the head and phrohibid him from naming my children.

Well, I phrohibid you from having kids at all.

Although, it is nice to know who originated the slang use of "cool" - it's this lady! ("They're what I like to call --big finger quotes-- COOL names.") And now we know she's prone to violence against her fiance for wanting to name kids Veto so they can star in Schoolhouse Rock segments about the three branches of government!

Help me, Kobi-Wan Enobi, you're our only hope!

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What is a nature realated name for a boy? I am pregnant with a boy and I already have four girls. My girls are Summer Skies, Autumn Night, April Shower, and Spring Flower. Please help I am due in November.
Star Light

Star Light, star bright, first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might, let this lady be a mental patient whose "children" are actually straws she stole from the hospital cafeteria.

starlight--
how about:
Winter Snow
Forest Greene
or Sage August

How 'bout Oy and Vey.

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There are many pages of hilarity here. So next time you need a good laugh, this is the place to go.

Homeschool: Where The Style Is

One of the perks to homeschooling is that it doesn't matter what anybody wears. Mom can go around in her PJs all day and still teach algebra and read great books. The kids can wear the same clothes they wore for the past three days and nobody complains. Not that either of these things would happen at my house, of course, but in theory, it could.

Behold my youngest on a recent school day:
The ordinary shirt and shorts were complimented by zany Spiderman socks, a beaded necklace, and a homemade Indian headdress.

Later the look morphed into this:

Yes, that's a homemade loin cloth, folks. It's easy to make! All you need is a pair of underwear that mom doesn't mind if you cut and tape. Add some fabric pieces, adorned with markered Indian pictographs. Just use some duct tape along the waist band to hold the fabric in place. Next, slice the underwear up the sides so that people can get a convenient peek at your nether regions. Voila! Your loin cloth is complete.

The Ultimate Gag Gift

I just found out about an amazing niche market. Why oh why didn't I think of this?
PoopSenders will send cow, elephant, or gorilla poo to the victim of your choice. By the quart or the gallon. Wowza.

Another Jewel in My Crown

I've shared with you about my Rock Star Mom status in the past. Today I got another jewel in my crown. Behold:

My oldest started 10th grade today. He came home with a pile of papers for me to sign. His instructions were something like, "Just sign these and don't even bother looking at them because they are stupid and don't mean anything."

So of course I took the pile of papers so that I could read every one.

Carefully.

In his Algebra 2 class the teacher had a survey for the kids to fill out. Smart woman, methinks. She asked questions that would help her know more about the kids and their personalities.

One of the items was: The person who has had the most influence on my life is ________

My kid's answer? My Mom

Woo Yeah! I love that. :)

Of course, this is the same child who also gave the following answers:

The best move I've seen recently is: Brokeback Mountain

My favorite movie of all time is: My Little Pony Island Adventure 2

My favorite TV show is: Sex and the City

Are there any medical conditions/allergies that I need to be aware of in the classroom? Tourettes

Isn't he a gem? Don't you wish you could get a kid like this of your very own?!

Since my son is oh-so-very witty, I have given him a dose of his own medicine. Not only did I sign the bottom of this survey, but also included a little note for his teacher:

I would like to assure you that my son has never watched Sex and the City OR Brokeback Mountain. But My Little Pony Island Adventure 2 is definitely one of his favorites of all time. In fact, we will probably show it at his 16th birthday party, which is coming up soon! If my son's music career doesn't work out, he can always be a professional comedian. Wouldn't you agree?

Have a great year.

P.S. He doesn't have Tourettes.

Overheard

The other day as I was working at the computer, I heard my children upstairs having a conversation. It went something like this:

Child: Eeew! You stink! You farted! That was a big fart! Gross!
(*with five boys in the house, I can assure you that they looove all things fart-related)

Different child: Yeah! That was a big fart like mom and dads!

(!!!!! What are they saying about me?!)

My daughter: What?! WHEN have you EVER heard Mom fart?!

(a few moments of contemplative silence from her siblings)

Child: Yeah, that's true. Mom doesn't fart.

(they all verbalize their agreement. Mom has never farted. It simply does not happen.)

Different child: But Dad does.

All: Yep.

Prepare to Laugh

I always enjoy Sweet Juniper, but this post made me laugh til I made a spectacle of myself. Check it out.

Eat More--Move Less

The Onion is satirical genius. I just love this news story about fast food feedbags.

New Wearable Feedbags Let Americans Eat More, Move Less

Warning: Missing Body Parts

A friend of mine that is in my book group was kind enough to alert me to this terrible situation. I thought that it was the least I could do to let you guys know about it too:

You've heard about people who have been abducted and had their kidneys
removed by black-market organ thieves.

My thighs were stolen from me during the night a few years ago. I went to
sleep and woke up with someone else's thighs. It was just that quick. The
replacements had the texture of cooked oatmeal. Whose thighs were these and
what happened to mine ? I spent the entire summer looking for my thighs.
Finally, hurt and angry, I resigned myself to living out my life in jeans.
And then the thieves struck again.

My butt was next. I knew it was the same gang, because they took pains to
match my new rear-end to the thighs they had stuck me with earlier. But my
new butt was attached at least three inches lower than my original !! I
realized I'd have to give up my jeans in favor of long skirts.

Two years ago I realized my arms had been switched. One morning I was
fixing my hair and was horrified to see the flesh of my upper arm swing to
and fro with the motion of the hairbrush. This was really getting scary-my
body was being replaced one section at a time. What could they do to me
next ?

When my poor neck suddenly disappeared and was replaced with a turkey
neck, I decided to tell my story. Women of the world, wake up and smell the
coffee !! Those "plastic" surgeons are using REAL replacement body
parts-stolen from you and me !! The next time someone you know has
something "lifted," look again...............was it lifted from you ??

THIS IS NOT A HOAX. This is happening to women everywhere every night.

WARN YOUR FRIENDS !!

P.S. Last year I thought some one had stolen my boobs. I was lying in bed
and they were gone !! But when I jumped out of bed, I was relieved to see
that they had just been hiding in my armpits as I slept. Now I keep them
hidden in my waistband......