There's this little meme going around the blogs, though I would play along too...
1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before? Started my very own blog! Started writing a book. Fought a family infestation of head lice without chemicals and won the battle. Started a book group through my library.
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Well, the only one I can remember is that I wanted to lose weight. Although I did lose some, it wasn't anything close to what I wanted/needed. So, that is still on the list for 2005, along with eating healthier, finishing the CNHP, starting the ND program, and a bunch of others. Why not aim high?
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My friend Brenda had a baby girl after 4 boys. And my dear friend Marla is expecting her first baby in April and that is **thrilling**!!
4. Did anyone close to you die? Thankfully, no.
5. What countries did you visit? Just the USA. I don't get out much, as I've told ya.
6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? Enough money to afford a better/bigger/more suitable vehicle for my family. (We are now driving a 14 year old van with nearly 200,000 miles on it, that seats 7 when we have 8 in our family, and now has a big fat dent in the front and side from the deer that hit me right before Thanksgiving.... Contributions, anyone?)
7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? Not sure of the exact date, by the lice infestation is definitely memorable, as is the day my back went out.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? Taking time to evaluate my life, think about my priorities, make necessary changes, invest in myself.
9. What was your biggest failure? Gladly, I don't have any failures that I'm dwelling on.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Yes, in February my back went out in a really bad way and I spent 2 weeks or so bedridden and in terrible pain, months of recovery, and still have residual twangs of OUCH from it.
11. What was the best thing you bought? new elastic-free clothes, new bras and undies (the maternity wear HAD to go!!!)
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My own when I stuck to my guns and got Doodles Bin Peein and Izzy Bin Poopin potty trained!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and disgusted? Izzy Bin Poopin and Doodles Bin Peein when they persisted in poopin their drawers after they knew better!
14. Where did most of your money go? Just living expenses. That's where it all goes, pretty much!
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? Getting to attend the Certified Natural Health Professional seminar and learning so much.
16. What song will always remind you of 2004? I can't think of one at the moment.
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? thinner (just barely!)
c) richer or poorer? about the same, I think
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Reading out loud to my kids.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Laying in bed in pain with an injured back.
20. How will you be spending New Year's Eve? I'm spending it right now! The hubby is at work, the kids and I are having a party. We put on the Shrek party CD, ordered pizza, Doodles peed on my bed while snoozing, Squiggy Magoo puked on me at the dinner table, then I did laundry, we ate ice cream sundaes (my last junk food hurrah for a darn long time), and watched Eloise. Do we know how to whoop it up, or what?!
21. Did you fall in love in 2004? Nope. I was already in love!
22. How many one-night stands? None ever!!
23. What was your favorite TV program? I watch no TV, unless you count what I can get from Netflix, in which case it is SURVIVOR! I loved watching Rob and Amber fall in love!!
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? No, I have worked to get rid of hate. It's too toxic to hold on to.
25. What was the best book you read? Oh, man, I have read so many books this year. I am currently loving Frugal Luxuries and Frugal Luxuries by the Seasons both by Tracey McBride. Also loved Feng Shui Your Clutter Away, because it's way more than a home organization book.
26. What was your greatest musical discovery? My 2 sons playing the trombone. Also, a 15-year old young lady with an amazing voice, Renee Olstead.
27. What did you want and get? A Dell Axim. Also, a Green Star Juicer that will arrive next week!! (healthy living here I come)
28. What did you want and not get? Time/energy/stick-to-it-tiveness to exercise and lose weight/get in shape. But my life circumstances, including hurt back and 6 young children could be construed as a reasonable excuse....
29. What was your favorite film of this year? I watched so many, thanks to Netflix..... I guess I'll mention Ella Enchanted (for the soul-singing scene especially). Capturing the Friedmans because of the fascinating look at a complicated story, such that I couldn't really decide who I thought was innocent, guilty, sane, or crazy. Just Married, because it had me laughing within the first 30 seconds.
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 33 this year, and my husband sent me to a day spa for half a day.
31.What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying? If I had had all the money, time, and energy to make all my dreams (and those of my family) come true. Oh well. I'll have to appreciate character development instead.
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004? Turning my back on the Lands End elastic-waist pants, and actually getting things that are in style. Even if they were from Lane Bryant. A girl's gotta start somewhere.
33. What kept you sane? Taking care of myself for a change.
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? I'm not too into the celebrities, but my favorite actors are Reese Witherspoon and Heath Ledger.
35. What political issue stirred you the most? Wishing people would think outside of the box and consider third parties more seriously. Other than that I didn't get stirred too much.
36. Who did you miss? My mom, gram, brother, and sister. I didn't see any of them for an entire year. Too. Darn. Long. Now I've had a fresh dose of them, and hopefully it won't take a year before I get another one.
37. Who was the best new person you met? I got to talk to Sherry, Mother of 7 Boys, on the phone. That was fun!
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004. Taking time to invest in yourself is a step toward investing in everyone else who matters to you as well.
39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.
Oh be thankful for the good things that you've got
Oh be thankful for the good things that you've got
The good things that you've got
are for many just a dream
So be thankful for the good things that you've got.
(from an Evie song, circa 1970s or early 80s--still love it!)
Friday, December 31, 2004
There's this little meme going around the blogs, though I would play along too...
Thursday, December 30, 2004
I've discovered the game Text Twist. I may never get away from the computer. This game is almost as addicting as Blog Explosion once was.
So...join me in irresponsible holiday cheer! Go check it out. (You can play for free online or download a free demo.)
Other than weight loss plans, I think home organization is one of the most common New Year's Resolutions. I love to organize things around my house! I have tons of ideas, and would love to share them with you. So, I'm getting ready to start a series of How-I-organized various things in my home. If you have specific areas of interest, let me know and I'll talk about those first. :)
Sunday, December 26, 2004
It's been fun to meander around the blogosphere are see what some of my favorite bloggers share about their holiday.
The always entertaining Very Mom shares my lack of enthusiasm for Santa Claus, and tells about her son's impression of The Christmas Man.
The Genuine family got an extra special gift for Christmas this year. Go over and read all about it. He almost made me get teary!
Have you seen Mom to 7 Boys photo of her 7 little men visiting Santa? They are so adorable!
I learned about a great-sounding product called d-skin from The Zero Boss. It's a way to cover your CDs, DVDs, and game discs to protect them from scratches. WE NEED THIS!
I'm feeling a little bit bah-humbug-y myself. I was thinking so gleefully of how I was not running the pre-Christmas rat race since I had to have all of my stuff done by the 16th, just happy as a clam to Have It All Over With. More than one person shared my sentiment. And then it occurred to me that I don't even think of Christmas as a religious holiday. I mean, I acknowledge it as such. I'm a Christian and so I believe in Jesus' birth and so on. But, Christmas is just so far removed from that for me. It's a family holiday, and I think that I was brought up to think of it that way. In my husband's family they always went to Christmas Eve service at church. Mine always went to my Grandparent's house to have dinner and exchange gifts with our extended family. My childhood Christmas Eves are some of my best memories and I have no inclination to go to a church service instead. It just seems wrong to me. Seems like it doesn't fit with my internal sense of what the holiday is for.
As a child and teenager it seemed to me that although everybody at church said the stuff about Jesus is the Reason for the Season, that it was kind of a lame cover up for what it really was: Stuff Fest 1985!! or whenever. In other words, to my way of thinking, there is almost no connection between Christ's birth and what we Americans do for Christmas. Yes, Christ was born, I am glad, but it was not in December, and us getting all frazzled for a month and spending tons of money buying each other things and stuffing ourselves full of unhealthy treats has absolutely nothing to do with it.
Some people would feel bad about this, but I'm not sure that I do. To me it seems that Christmas is a runaway train and nothing I am going to do is going to stop it. So, fine. I can choose to embrace it as a family holiday in which we make strides to spend time with those we love, and give them gifts as tokens of our esteem.
As for Jesus' birth, those of us who believe in Him can choose to be thankful and aware of what His coming to earth means to us all year long.
It seems that some people feel guilty if we don't keep "enough" Christ in our Christmas, yet I can't recall anything in the Bible that would compell us to celebrate His birth in a specific way. Maybe this is just because we celebrate so many less important things, that we feel kind of guilty and think that we need to have a big Yay Jesus blowout once a year. Don't send me all the links to the origins of Christmas. I've heard it all before. I don't see any reason to be down on Christmas per se, I am just trying to come to grips with my feeling that it is family-oriented rather than Jesus-oriented in my life.
What do you folks think? Does Christmas have a deep spiritual significance to you? If yes, what makes it so? Anybody feeling something like I do, thinking that it almost makes more sense to separate the holiday and the Christ? I'd love to get some feedback.
Friday, December 24, 2004
So hello again to all my faithful readers. I wanted to let you know that my husband is fine after the big fire. 5 or more fire departments came to lend a hand and it took over 8 hours to put out. It wiped out a block of the downtown area and there were some dangerous moments and a few injuries, but overall everybody is fine. He was home in time to help me get the kids to bed and set up the gifts and stockings. Yay!
We had our little Christmas shin-dig this morning. The kids were thrilled and it was nice to have it just be a few things. Now I've got pies baking, ham in the crock pot, and so on. Unfortunately, the fire dept. is very understaffed right now and so my husband will be going in to do some overtime today and tonite, and then tomorrow is his regular 24-hour shift. But, really, we're all done with our festivities and it's fine for him to go. We're just enjoying being home and all the kids are running around playing with their new toys and setting up their stuff.
I'm already looking at the rest of this school break and trying to think of things to do during it to make it meaningful and well-spent. I'm hoping to do more reading with the kids, playing games that we got for Christmas, and so on. Just simple family life, I guess.
I hope that all of you experience a beautiful and safe Christmas tomorrow. May the memories you make be wonderful ones!
Thursday, December 23, 2004
So have you missed me?? My family and I traveled from Kentucky to North Carolina to celebrate Christmas with my mom and her husband, my grandmother, brother, and sister. It has been a year since we saw any of them, so it was a rare treat. We spent 3 days (and some change) together which worked out well. I think that we would like more time together, but it's just pretty tricky with 6 kids to live out of the proverbial suitcases, plus I imagine it's intensely crazy for all the people who are not used to so much noise and action in their lives as 6 young children bring.
So, anyhoo, a good time was had by all. My 21 month old seemed to catch on that it was somehow noteworthy that he was nursing, which got him thinking of a little shtick to pull at just the right time. When I was sitting next to my sister, Squiggy comes along declaring, "I want some milk!" So I put him on my lap and was getting ready to oblige, when he decided that my sister hadn't paid close enough attention to what was going on. He leans over to her and says, "Didja hear that?! I want milk! MILK!" It was hilarious.
I really like it when our Christmas is spread out. We celebrated at Thanksgiving with my husband's side of the family, my side on Sunday, and then just a little shin-dig here at home for our family tomorrow. (My husband has to work on Christmas day.) One year we had all of our gifts at the same time and it was positively insane. I am one of those people that likes for the gifts to be opened one at a time. I hate the big chaotic tear-in that some people do, with the kids going berzerk and not even taking the time to thank people. So, when you take 5 or 6 kids worth of gifts plus the adults, and open them one at a time, it can take a looong time. That year when we had the avalanche, I think we opened before breakfast, after breakfast til lunch, and were still opening after lunch. By the end the kids were like, "Do we have to open more?" It was kind of overwhelming. So, years like this are great. They get three Christmases, and time to enjoy and appreciate what they get.
I loved having all of my Christmas stuff done by the 17th. Next year I am seriously thinking that we might try to go on a trip instead of getting gifts. My kids are very interested in a visit to Disney World, and I was just checking out family-friendly cruises. Our littlest kids might still be a little on the young side for it, but eventually I think we would love to do something like that.
My hubby is off at a 4-alarm fire right now. These are the ones that always cause me to revisit my what-if-I-become-a-widow-tonite plan. I mentally evaluate our life insurance, my contingency plan, and so on. It probably sounds terribly depressing, but this is how I cope with the fact that my husband has a dangerous profession. I know I can't control any of the emotional losses, but at least I can have a basic plan of action. Who knows if I would be able to even remember it if I ever needed it. Maybe I should create a little Word document in my Axim entitled "Death." Hopefully all my planning will amount to nothing and my husband and I will get to love and annoy each other til we're 100 or so.
We watched Dodgeball last night, which was peppered with laugh-inducing jokes, but overall was stupid and by the end we were totally grossed out. My husband commented that it seems that as time goes on, the movies include increasingly bizarre sexual issues. For this one it included jokes about bestiality and a display of bisexuality. Not exactly stuff we appreciate around here.
Soon I'l be tucking the kids into bed and then getting the surprises put under the tree. I always love the night before Christmas when the kids are all asleep and the gifts are all out. Seems rather storybookish to me or something. Turn down the lights. Sit and look at the Christmas tree lights. Have a drink, light a candle or two. Snuggle with the hubby if he's home. Hopefully mine will be.
Thursday, December 16, 2004
Well, all of the people that I would normally call and VENT to are not available, and I've already vented to the kids. So now it's your turn, blogosphere!
I. Am. So. Ticked. Off.
You might remember our ill-fated trip to JCPenney portrait studios way back in October, thinking we could get a nice family picture for Christmas cards and gifts. And then none of the photos turned out even remotely good enough, so we didn't get any that day and planned to return at a later date.
As time went along, our schedule was getting tighter and tighter, and the 3 hours that would be spent going to and from JCP seemed like too much. So, luckily (Ha!) I found out about a local photographer. I saw her work and although it wasn't as nice as some of the better photography I have seen, it was nice and I felt like she could probably do a decent job for us. The big plus here was that she would take our pictures only 5 minutes from our house, thus making the whole shebang a whole lot more doable. AND she was going to be able to get our pictures back to us in plenty of time before our trip.
SO, we went. We got pictures taken. She had us go outside and freeze for pictures that were only destined to stink due to the temperature and the wind.
The proofs came back to us 3 or 4 days after she told us we would have them. Fortunately, some of the shots taken indoors turned out quite well, and so we placed our order. She assured me that the photos would be back and in my hands by Monday. As in, 3 days ago.
And so, Monday comes with no pictures and no communication from her.
Tuesday comes with no pictures and no communication from her.
Wednesday comes and I go into her business to see what's up and she tells me that some of my pictures are 35 miles away, and the rest are 100 miles away. But, no fear, she'll have them the next day. Well, not day exactly. Evening. Um, like, could I come and get them after 6?
Yes, lady, that's *just* what I want to do. Interrupt my fervent packing for a Christmas trip in order to shlepp out in the freezing temperatures to get my pictures that you promised to me days ago.
I think my expression must have given my thoughts away because she then offered to actually bring them to my house, which was smart of her.
So today is the day I have to pack for the trip that I am leaving on tomorrow at noon. My husband is working his second 24 hour shift in a row. My kids need homework done, baths, etc. And of course, I need these pictures not only because they are for gifts for the people I will be seeing on my trip, but also to send as gifts to grandparents, etc. And so I am already under the gun way too much because now I have to not only get 3 kids to and from school, pack a van, etc. etc. but also make a quick trip to the post office to mail out the photos that I do not yet have. Uh huh. I needed one more thing to do tomorrow.
And so does she show up around 6pm? Or 7 pm? Or 8 pm? No. 8:30pm is when the knock comes at the door. Great. I have been putting off getting kids to bed and showering and other stuff, all because I was stuck waiting for her to get here and I am the only adult at home.
So, she apologizes, tells me that when she got to the printing place they didn't even have the prints done so she had to wait, the traffic was terrible, blah blah blah. And so she leaves.
And then I look at the prints.
And there they are.
The biggest one NOT the size I wanted. And too dark. And cropped badly.
ALL the 8x10s blurry! And with blotches on some of the faces.
ALL the wallets blurry!
The 5x7s of the boys with blotches on the faces.
In short, only 4 photos, none of which were for gifts, came out the way they should have.
(Can you hear me scream and stomp my feet?!?!?!?!?!)
And so now I have $150 worth of crap photos and NO PHOTO GIFTS for my family and nothing to send to some people for whom the photos were the only gift.
PLUS, of course, now I get to go in to see her tomorrow and show her this crap and get her to get them reprinted or give me my money back or both.
I. Am. Not. Happy. About. This.
Wednesday, December 15, 2004
So I've got all this *stuff* to do. Getting ready to leave for a big trip in two days. Kids with homework needs. Gifts and cards for all the teachers. Christmas needing to be ready to take on the trip. Other gifts needing to be mailed before the trip. The annual Christmas letter needing to be written, printed, and mailed. Plus of course the "little things" in life like getting caught up on the laundry, paying bills, cleaning the very messy house, and working on beloved projects that always seem so much more interesting than all of the usual things that need to be done.
And of course once I get through the Christmas rush, I still have 6 kids to love on, a husband to dazzle, a nest to feather, books to read, books to write, exercise to be done daily, businesses to launch, and an education to be had. Just to name the top issues.
In thinking about all of these things I've, of course, wondered how on earth I can fit all these things in. Really, I want to do all those things. Most of them make me feel so happy when I can do them. Even the cleaning! A sense of accomplishment is a real thrill for me after all these years of shoveling while it was still snowing, so to speak.
I used to do this schedule that I developed with the help of a book called Managers of Their Homes. Although this book is geared toward homeschooling families, it could be used by anybody. The author directs the reader to list all of the things that need to be done, the time needed for each task, and then you work on assigning times to do each thing, and eventually develop a schedule. For big projects and hobbies she suggests that for very busy people, they just allow for something like 15 minutes once or twice in the day to make some progress. Those of you who have been followers of Flylady know all about the wonders that can be done in 15 minutes, don't you?
Well, I have found that a surprising amount of things can get done in 15 minutes. But.....when I think about only allowing myself 15 minutes to read or to work on developing a business brochure, it feels like it takes the fun out of it. Maybe I'm just immature, or still battling (unsuccessfully!) my lack of self discipline....but if I'm going to do something that is for fun and fulfillment, I want to be able to do it long enough to really enjoy myself!
Of course, I've been having a grand old time tackling house projects around here....but you should see my messy kitchen!!! There has not been an adequate balance.
So, I come back to the schedule idea and think that maybe I need to give it a try. Maybe I can have something like an hour a day for some fun project, and just rotate what cool thing I get to do with that time. Surely with a schedule I can fit in all the needs and all the goals and be the most wonderfully balanced and self-disciplined gal this side of the Mississippi!
Too bad I'm such a free spirit and even the word schedule makes me feel kind of nervous and constrained!
I guess the only answer to gaining self-discipline is to do it. If I flex those muscles, I should get better and better at it, right?
I'd love to hear practical tips from any of you that manage to successfully fit in lots of stuff to do and still include things like feeding your soul and taking good care of yourself. Bonnie from Belle on Her Toes (Have you ever visited her blog? It's lovely!) has 11 children (you GO girl!) and is always writing cool posts about her yoga lessons, kids activities, and awesome jaunts into Seattle to art museums and other cool things. Maybe she can help me out. Bonnie, are you out there?!?! (just went to her site and see that she is taking a break from the computer--oh no!)
Tuesday, December 14, 2004
Saturday, December 11, 2004
OK, so I told you all about Blog Explosion. I added a little BE banner to my site. I was happy to see my counter stats going up. And it was fun to see that some new people came and liked Dolly Mama Strikes Again! enough to add it to their blog rolls and favorites. Very nice.
I'm not sure it's worth it.
When I go to surf other blogs to earn my credits I usually find a blog so annoying that I am finding other things to do while I wait for the 30 seconds to pass so I can click on by. Most of the blogs I'm seeing aren't anything that I'm interested in reading, and a good deal of them really, truly stink.
So I've been thinking to myself, Do I really care if my numbers go up? So what if I got 2000 more hits? That's great that it produced maybe 20 new people that want to actually come back and read some more. I hope they enjoy what I have to say. But I don't know that I'm going to bother much with racking up those credits so that others can come and ignore me for 30 seconds while I go over to their blog to ignore them for 30 seconds.
I guess you could say that I'm over my very brief crush on Blog Explosion. I'm glad for the authentic readers I have, and love it when they like what I write enough to mention me on their blogs. But mainly, I'm writing because I enjoy it.
Friday, December 10, 2004
Wednesday, December 08, 2004
After several days of flitting around the house with my Mrs. Home Organization hat on, I had to turn my attention back to the kitchen today. It was suffering from neglect...and something smelled funky in there too.
I baked bread (which I haven't done for probably 2 months), made 2 pumpkin pies, and got a crock pot lasagne cooking away for dinner. I was brave enough to try another internet recipe (remember last month's soup that my son declared resembled something that might be served in a prison camp?) so I'll let you know how it turns out. (I know all you blog explosion people can't want to come back and see how it goes!!)
Hey--about the pumpkin pies--have you folks noticed the new ready-made pie crusts that are shortbread? I am now using the shortbread crusts for pumpkin pie and sometimes for apple pie. I am also using the graham cracker crusts for more things. Traditional pie crust seems kind of pointless to me. If we need a crust, why not have it be tasty?
Only a week and a half until we leave for my mom's house to celebrate Christmas. Ah, yes, 8 people stuffed into a 7 passenger vehicle for 14 hours with all our Christmas paraphernalia on board. Should be *quite* a trip, don't you think? Maybe I'll audio blog from the van just to make you all glad that you're suffering in long lines at the crowded malls, rather than being me. Anybody got any frequent flyer miles they want to donate to our cause???
Tuesday, December 07, 2004
There is a saying:
"Once your consciousness has been raised,
it cannot be lowered."
I've found that to be true in my life. Have you?
These days the thing that has me thinking about that is home education. I homeschooled my oldest children for 6 years before deciding to put them into our local schools last year. We hadn't really expected to make that decision, but then we had 3 babies in 3 years, and, uh, well, babies getting good care and kiddos getting good home educations were mutually exclusive goals.
This year we have 5 of our kids attending school, and mostly it's going well. The trick is that once you know about the many benefits of a home education, it's always lurking in the back of your mind as a possible solution for the sometimes disappointing shortfalls of traditional at-school education.
My first grader and 6 year old, Jake the Great, is the one that has me concerned. He's always been.........a child who needs more *time* for things. He's SO sweet and dear, SUCH a cuddler, loves his family and is just darling. He's also always seemed to be on the younger end of the maturity spectrum for his age. If it weren't for the overall need for him to be in school and get speech therapy last year, I would have preferred to not put him in Kindergarten until this year. Instead, he's with his agemates in first grade, but it's really tough on him.
There is a TON of pressure for kids to read very well in first grade. Don't want any of the children to get "left behind" I guess. Please---leave him behind! He'll catch up! All this rushing is doing him no good. He's already the monkey-in-the-middle at home, with 2 older siblings who have already been there and done that. He doesn't often get to be in the position of being a WINNER, and I fear that his current school situation is breeding more of that.
He's working hard and I am spending nearly an hour with him many evenings helping him with homework plus giving him extra help with reading and spelling (basically, in those 2 subjects I am doing much the same as I would be if he were homeschooled this year). I think he will be able to pass first grade (barely), but I don't think that is going to serve him well in the long run. He'll just go on to be a struggling second grader, if his life-long trend continues.
What I believe he really needs is to be given a year to mature and for all that he has been given to learn has a chance to "jell." (Or is that "gel" as in gelatin? Jello or gelatin? I'm just not sure....)
I'm also very concerned that because of how much of a struggle school has been for him both last year and this year, that he is dangerously close to not developing a real love for learning, which is something our oldest child got so much of and has benefitted from so much. It always saddens me a little when a child thinks that learning is equivalent to school work, which is equivalent to all that should be avoided.
So, I'm watching and waiting and thinking over some possibilities for sweet jake. We could have him repeat first grade next year. Or we could have him stay home for one year, and then the year after that put him in second grade. Giving him the homeschooling year would afford him the break he needs and the time he needs without crushing his spirit, plus would accomplish the same goal of holding him back a year. I would like to put him at a grade level that will be more meeting with his maturity level, and give him the opportunity to be a real winner in his grade, rather than a struggler.
The question is: Will I be ready and able to homeschool him next year? Squiggy will be 2.5 then. I'll have a 4 year old that goes to preschool four half-days. Seems like it might be able to work out. Except of course that I also want to
Become a Certified Natural Health Professional
Become a Doctor of Naturopathy
Help others with my natural health knowledge and develop it into a wellness practice
Write a book
Plus get and keep my home organized and also keep my sanity.
So, you see, the fun of having an inescapably raised conscious! I am pretty sure what will be best for this son. It is not the same as parents who had no homeschooling option in the past. I know what options I have and I know the benefits it can afford us. I also know the price it costs.
Ah, the wonders of being a mother. The love and concern for one's children supercede so many personal wants and needs, doesn't it? I guess I could see this challenge as some vehicle to my personal and spiritual benefit. That's probably the truest thing about it.
So, for now we shall wait and see how first grade progresses, and in the mean time I will try to do what I can to meet my goals and care for myself. That means doing the home stuff now since it's right before me, freely available, and this is my chance to get it done. I can also continue to enjoy my fun time with Squiggy as the only kid with me full time. And of course I'm loving my book group and my opportunities to think and dream, and the time I get with my husband. All of that is mine until mid-May. After that, there's no telling where life's needs and pathways may lead.
My, I'm feeling a little poetic tonight.....
ain't no moss growing on me. No sirree! After my weekend of house projects, I have continued on in that vein. Yesterday I tackled the terrible, horrible, no good, very bad Tupperware cupboard which was so full that things would fall out of it when we opened the door, and we couldn't fit anything else in. My dear daughter and little boys helped take everything out of there and I was able to purge a ridiculous number of old butter and yogurt containers and such. I guess when I was being to thrifty and nifty saving all those fabulous containers to reuse, I didn't notice that there were already a million of them in there.
Happily, one thing lead to another, and I found many containers to help organize some very out-of-control cabinets as well. So, I ended up with 3 perfectly organized cabinets and one lovely, manageable Tupperware cupboard.
Since I was on a roll I decided to find a project to do today. I've been organizing book shelves where we keep videos and DVDs and playstation games and books for the whole family. I've almost got it done! Yee haw!
It's amazing the things a stay-at-home-mom can get happy about, isn't it?
My 8 year old daughter wrote this story at school yesterday. We didn't know whether to laugh or cry or get her to counselling...... (By the way, we have no dog named Eddie, but we did have a dog die from getting hit by a car when she was 4)
Monday, December 06, 2004
I could spend my time telling you about all the 2 projects I accomplished this weekend (overhauling the little boy's room and cleaning out a dirty junk closet to create a walk-in coat closet). I could tell you about the free babysitting we got on Friday night and the friends we double-dated with and how we laughed and laughed.
I'm going to tell you that
Today is a Momentous Day
because I have decided to write a book. Actually, I didn't just decide. I have begun. I AM WRITING A BOOK.
No, it's not going to be an Erma Bombeck-ish book about my life with kids. Instead, this is a book about something I have not yet seen discussed, and it is about something I think is extremely important.
It's a book calling for balance and moderation in the Christian homeschool community.
This is a book born from my own experiences and observations of this group, and about the unhealthy extremes that seem to abound among the High-Up proponents of home education. I'll be saying things in this book that will make some people hate me, and others will cheer for a book that encourages sanity and true thinking. They will cheer for a book that validates what they have been thinking but have been afraid to speak.
This thing has been gestating within me for years, and this morning I knew that it was time to let it out.
Saturday, December 04, 2004
Wednesday, December 01, 2004
Remember a few weeks ago when I mentioned that Izzy Man had been striken with a terrible stomach virus? Well, this has continued on ever since, passing back and forth between each of my 3 youngest sons. One of the more horrible distinctions of this illness is that, although the ensuing diarrhea and vomit are so foul smelling that it makes one's eyes water, the burps and farts that pop up are every bit as vile. I was just reminded of this as Izzy Man came up to me just moments ago.....wonder what kind of fun I'm in for with Him tonite....
To make matters worse, Mr. Firecrapper (my husband) is working his 24 hour shift. AND, Squiggy Magoo is in bad shape with his usual cold-that-turns-into-breathing-distress. I have given him every medicine and breathing treatment option that I have available, and he's still miserable. Actually, I think he is somewhat improved, but this still has the potential to be a looooooooooong night.
Squiggy LOVES to nurse every chance he gets, but when he is not feeling well this turns into an angry obsession. And not only does he want to gnaw away at my breasts for hours on end, but seems to find a particularly satisfying thrill to also pinching and scratching lightly at me at the same time. Needless to say, The Girls are greatly dismayed at what they may be called up to do tonite....
I actually just overheard myself say to my 20-month old
"I am sorry. I cannot nurse you right now. My boobs are killing me and you are just going to have to respect that."
(insert studio audience laughter)
See? I'm already losing my mind.
Since the Jehovah's Witnesses just came to my door, I will have to share the joke my brother-in-law told me last week while he was visiting:
Have you heard about the Jehovah's Witness that converted to Unitarianism?
He was still in the habit of going door-to-door, but didn't have anything to say.
Last night I had the fun of being a chaperone for my son's middle school dance. I've never even attended a middle school dance in any capacity at all, so this was all new for me. Our child has never attended a dance, either, and not wanting to make him feel like The Big Nerd and not let him go, we decided to let him go, but to go as helpers in order to see what the dances are like and how safely it was run, etc. Of course I promised to not embarrass him by trying to dance with him, take picutres, or introduce myself to everybody as "sullen's mom."
It was an interesting psychological study, watching 6th, 7th, and 8th graders interact at a dance, especially since I am also currently reading Reviving Ophelia for my book group. (an excellent and important book about adolescent girls in our society)
First of all, one shouldn't be fooled into thinking that because it is called a dance that the kids will actually dance. Many, like my son, spend the entire time walking around as if they have some very pressing business to attend to on the other side of the gym, and others spend the entire time huddling into suspicious-looking groups, nervously eyeing adult chaperones who walk by or stand near them. Some (like my son) actually bring a walkman and sit in the corner listening to their own music, rather than listening to the DJ-provided music that is blaring all around.
Secondly, it seems that dancing in any individual style is *not* a thing that many middle schoolers are willing to do. If they dare to do this, it is usually only in the context of a small group of friends huddled up together, so that if you do your little dance moves, your friends are the only ones who will notice. More often than not, they don't even dance in these groups. They just have little spurts of trying a particular move. They kind of do their move for 10 seconds, and then stop and giggle.
The dancing that they *will* do and that seems very safe to them are the group dances. The songs that have a specific dance that goes with them, such as
The Electric Slide (seems to be getting a little old and stale)
The Cha-cha Slide (new to me and very cute--even a mom could learn it and not look like a fool!)
The Chicken Dance (I was amazed that kids would even consider chicken dancing. No surprise, though, the black kids run off the floor immediately upon hearing the Chicken Dance song come up. Smart kids!)
some train song (hey--maybe it's called The Train Song! I don't know.)
Incredulously, they didn't do the Macarena. Boo hoo..I actually know that one and have the hips to do it justice. ;)
and then there was "Cotton-eyed Joe." Now, maybe I'm the last one to know about this song, but it was new to me and it was Hi-Lar-I-Ous. It's a song where total hickster tune meets techno funk. And there was an appropriate hick/techno cool dance that went with it. *Very* funny. Loved it. I simply MUST have my very own copy of the Cotton-eyed Joe song for Christmas. I will have much fun dancing to it in the kitchen....
The couples dances were pretty amusing. Most often they featured a girl dancing with a boy approximately 8 inches shorter than her. (my husband tells me this is actually a Big Plus for the boy....) His hands on her waist, her hands on his shoulders. Sway back and forth a little, decent amount of distance between the two of them, and pay no attention to the actual beat of the music. Do not look at each other. In fact, look very bored and as if you'd rather be someplace else.
At the last slow dance it seems the kids get up their courage to finally dance with the girl/guy they like, before the dance is over and they miss their opportunity. I observed a whole line of farmer-type boys (camo or carhart jackets, baseball caps) slow dancing with girls, but all the couples were lined up side-by-side, and the guys all talked to each other as if it didn't mean a thing to them that they had some girl in their hands. Huh.
I saw no groin-grinding or dirty dancing or salsa-ing or backing-it-up as I feared I might. Well, except for the odd pairing of girls that would give it a try for that quick 5-10 second range. Never between boys and girls, though. I was told by the boy we gave a ride to that the high school here isn't even allowed to have dances other than the prom because of past problems with way-too-sexual dancing. Thank goodness for small town conservativism!
The music was kept clean, except for the inexplicable choice of that country song that says "Save the horse, ride the cowboy." Um, excuse me?! Is *this* the kind of message we want to promote to 11-13 year olds? Ugh. Fortunately, although we do have a lot of farmers here, we're mighty low on cowboys.
I thought it was a crying shame that the adults would make a spectacle of themselves if they dared to dance. I used to be quite the dancer in my college days (snicker, snicker) and I really wanted to Get Down. ;) Actually, I did succumb to my dance fever when the DJ kindly provided a blast-from-the-past for the moldy-oldy adults that were there when he played the B52's LOVE SHACK. I even had some kids cheer me on and come dance with me. I have no idea if they actually thought I was cool or if they were making fun of me. Probably the latter. At least I was a source of entertainment, and enjoyed myself in the process.
Other oddities include noticing once again how, uh, "backwards" (as they say around these here parts) even the adults can be. Has it somehow gone out of style for adults to introduce themselves? Do people not know how to greet one another in a civilized manner? Tell me, you folks who live in other parts of the US and the world--is this just a rural Kentucky problem, or are people socially retarded everywhere?
What I mean is, to me, if a new person comes into the school and contacts the first fellow volunteer that she finds, the appropriate thing for that volunteer to do is to say something like,
"Hello, I'm Marge. I'm in charge of the volunteers. Glad you came."
and I would say something like,
"Hi, I'm Dolly Mama. Nice to meet you." and probably include a hand shake in the deal.
Instead, it was more like a half-smile and a grunt, followed by some vague directions and a general cluelessness about what we were supposed to be doing.
But around here it's more like if you don't already know their top-secret name, then maybe you are not to be trusted with it. Seriously, hand shaking and name-giving are RARE. I'm sure I must seem like some big-city corporate dynamo to some of these souls because I commonly meet people and use a normal introduction process.
It's just little old me trying to change the world one hand-shake and introduction at a time.......
time for another....
Public Service Announcement
If you've recently learned a wonderful new health-and-wellness technique such as using peppermint essential oil on your temples and under your nose to help with headaches and to perk you up, please remember to wash your hands after applying the oil. If you forget and inadvertently touch your eyeball, it will be a very unpleasant experience.
Tuesday, November 30, 2004
Hope from Humor Hangout left a comment to the previous post that had a question I would like to address. She asked:
What is freecycling and why are the guardians of it so snooty?
Great question, Hope!
You can learn all about Freecycle by going to their main website at
It's an umbrella organization that heads up local egroups of people who want to give away items they no longer need rather than just throwing them away, and also for people who like to get free stuff and who would prefer to see if somebody has the widget you need before running out and buying one.
It's a great idea, I thought, so I joined several groups in my area. I often have things to give away but don't have the time or energy to shlepp it to the thrift store to drop off, etc. I also love a freebie as much as the next girl.
What I didn't know until I got into Freecycle is that the list of rules gives new meaning to the word extensive. You never saw a list of rules and regs for an egroup like the one you'll get from a Freecycle group. The rules address just about every possibility of things that could happen, and often logic has no part in the making of the rule.
I don't know if it's like this everywhere, but with the nearby group that has the Ruler-With-an-Iron-Fist, it seems that the Upper Eschalon of Freecycle prefers moderators/administrators (yes, they really do call them that) who are real **sticklers** for the rules, and who like to spend their spare time slapping group members on the hands for all manner of bad freecycle behavior, such as not putting the precisely correct subject heading in their posts, or by listing in a way that is not exactly correct. (like the time I offered an All Free Yard NON Sale) These administrators should be unwavering in their commitment to freecycle crime-stopping, and let nothing get in their way of the pursuit of Freecycling excellence.
In short, Hope, while you may think that giving away your unwanted stuff or collecting someone else's castoffs is no big deal, you are Dead Wrong. Instead, we all need to realize that:
Freecycling. is. Serious. Business.
So, if you now go and join your local Freecycle group, don't say I didn't warn ya.
Monday, November 29, 2004
Remember my great aggravation with the Mighty Constipated Freecyclers? Well, the fun never ends, my friends.
In a fit of frustration a few months ago I started my own rebel group "Non-constipated Freecycling" just for kicks. You know--my little way of stomping my feet and telling all the people in cyberspace who would never know it existed, that I THINK FREECYCLING IS SO FREAKIN CONSTIPATED THAT I COULD SCREAM!!!!
So today what did I find in my inbox, but a friendly note from the Ruler-With-an-Iron-Fist Freecycle Queen of my area:
Please delete your group. It is not an official Freecycle group and in any case wouldn't be approved by me.Your group has been declared ROGUE to Freecycle.org and that could mean a legal cease & desist order should you refuse to delete your group.
Constipated Freecycle Queen
My State New Group Approver
Nearby County Freecycle Group Owner
You hear that, blogosphere? I'm ROGUE! ROGUE, I say!!
I'm bad, you know it.......watch out, Dolly Mama is on the loose.....never know what she's gonna try to pull next, nosirree.....
I wrote her back, of course:
The constipation never ceases!
I shall cease and desist. Please alert your authorities.
Why would it need to be approved by you?
And so a chapter of my life has ended. The Non-constipated Freecycling group is now a thing of the past. (sniff, sniff) I'll get over it...eventually.
Monday, November 22, 2004
I know you're all just on the edge of your seats waiting to hear about my weekend, so I won't make you wait any longer. As most of you distinctly remember, I'm sure, I went to a weekend seminar for a course I am taking to become a Certified Natural Health Professional. My brave fireman husband stayed home with our 6 kids (including one who is still breastfeeding), and I packed up my pillow and breastpump, and hit the road.
The seminar was about Body Systems. It was amazing to see how interrelated all the body is. Just amazing. I don't know how anybody could not believe in an intelligent creator of the universe after learning all that I did. The medical approach to health care focuses so much on splitting the body up into parts. We have doctors that specialize in feet, butts, hearts, tummy troubles, the brain, ears/nose/throat, and so on, but that is such a disservice to the person. It's all interconnected, and when something is wrong with one thing, it's not an isolated situation. It's indicative of something else that has gone wrong and caused the body to lose it's balance.
I could go on and on, but I won't. The point is that I have been on this path for a long time, and this seminar helped me greatly expand my understanding of the human body, helped me to appreciate the body and it's power to heal itself more, and gave me some tools that I can start applying in my life immediately, PLUS has helped me to know better where to look for answers in the future when new things come up. It was fascinating, I am really enjoying getting to reflect on the things I learned, I am thrilled at how much I still remember (there was SO much information, I was afraid my brain might not hold it all in!), and I am looking forward to learning more in future seminars. The next one near me is in February, which seems like a long time from now....
I got to stay overnight with my buddy Sooz, which was another big treat for me. We haven't seen each other since summer. Usually when Sooz and I get together we spend it hanging out while also taking care of our 10 kids (her 4, my 6) so it was pretty darn nice for me to get to kick back and not be interrupted by any kidlets. We got to talk and shoe shop and she introduced me to the mighty fine music of Coldplay, all of which was very fun. It's literally been 13 years since I have slept alone (no joke!) and so I was understandably Very Excited about the idea of getting to sleep all alone. It was great until around 4 or 5 am when my boobs were exploding and her cats were yowling and howling outside the door. At least I enjoyed the sleep I got.
My nursing baby did GREAT without me, which I was really happy about. I had been very worried that he would somehow be terribly traumatized by my absense.
My husband really outdid himself by having the kids clean their areas, worked on some house stuff that he knew needed to be done before our family members come to stay with us for a Thanksgiving visit, and basically seemed to do a stellar job. The kids were happy and relaxed, the house looked much better than it did when I left, and everything was under control. I am married to a fine wine, it seems. He has improved with age. :) Many moons ago if I dared to go out of town (and took all the kids with me!) I would come home to a house that looked like a tornado had ripped through it. Those days are gone my friend, I'm happy to say!
Now I'm gearing up for my husband's parents and his sister's family to land here on Wed., staying til Saturday. Lots to do, little time to get it done. I've got my work cut out for me, as they say....
Monday, November 15, 2004
I've been dreading today. We had a meeting scheduled with various special ed teachers at the school in regards to our son Izzy Man. He was born 3 months premature, and has some delays and behaviors that we were concerned about. A month or so ago we got the ball rolling for a bunch of testing and evaluation to be done so we could hopefully figure out what was wrong and what could be done to help him.
As the weeks have been marching along, getting closer to the meeting day, I was feeling increasing dread. It's one thing to know that some abstract this or that is not quite right about your child. It's an entirely other thing to be sitting at a table full of concerned experts who might give you some sort of official diagnosis of something you don't want to hear. I was so afraid that they were going to tell me something I didn't already know, or something I didn't want to believe. I was afraid of hearing the word "autistic." I was afraid that they would look at me and think that my son has problems because I'm not a good enough mother. I even had paranoid thoughts that they would decide that my child would be better off without us, and take him away. I know that sounds extreme, but I think that when you have a child whose life began with other people calling the shots, locked up in the NICU breadbox for 5 weeks, you always have some part of you that is afraid that somebody else can rip your life out from under you through no fault of your own.
So, anyhow, I forced myself to cling to rational thoughts through the weekend, made it to today, and my husband and I attended the meeting. Happily, there were no big scary words used to put a label on my Izzy Man. We didn't learn anything we didn't already know. We were able to get a good plan going that should help him to improve in all areas of concern, and it seemed that everyone in attendance thought that although he is delayed in some areas, with help he should catch up and be fine eventually. It was very encouraging to hear that. It's what I already believed most of the time, but it's nice to have someone else's opinion to hold onto for the days when you worry that your child might not ever be quite right.....
The guidance counselor was in attendance at the meeting and he told us that our two oldest children were some of the very finest students he has ever had in class for his entire teaching career, and just complimented us on them up one side and down the other. That was really great, and nice to know that nobody thought we were such wretched parents as to warrant taking our kids away!
Other relief situations included me having a sort of epiphany the other night as I was ruminating about how much I dislike doing duty in the 3s and 4s class. I realized that all I needed to do was send a little note to the lady who drafted me into the job, telling her that I quit. So, I got that sent out in the mail on Saturday, so as of today I should be officially off that hook. Yay! Why didn't I think of that sooner?
My UTI seems to have been healed through the help of homeopathy and holistic care that I did for myself over the weekend. Yay!
My 12 year old seems to be almost all recovered from his illness.
So, it may be a Monday, but it's a good one.
Sunday, November 14, 2004
The hubby is away hunting for the weekend. I have a "funny" habit of having things go wrong when he's out of reach. This weekend has been no different.
It started with Friday night when I returned home from taking my 12 year old someplace. On my way to the house, carrying 20 month old Squiggy Magoo, I tripped on my way up our outdoor steps and fell into the stairs. I blocked with my hands and arms to provide a barrier on the baby's back, so that he didn't get hurt. He narrowly missed getting his head bashed into a concrete step. I ended up with 2 hurt wrists, 2 hurt knees, 1 hurt foot, and a hurt back. Nice.
From there I discovered that we had a plumbing problem under the kitchen sink. Just a little trouble there...like all the water that went down either side of the sink OR the dishwasher would come shooting out into the cabinet and then flood the floor. I was able to see the problem, just wasn't able to fix it. I tried several things, while enjoying the fun of sitting on the floor hunching under the sink, and then trying to get up again with my previously mentioned sore knees, wrists, foot, and back. Great timing! It was 10pm and I had a dishwasher full of stuff needing to get clean, so I did what I had to do and used tape to solve my problem. I wanted duct tape but couldn't find any, so used wide masking tape instead. Looks stupid, but has held strong! Just call me Pioneer Woman.....
By Saturday my 12 year old was sick, the 6 year old was getting the diarrhea end of the Montezuma's Revenge that has been going around our family, the 20 months old still had it, and I was feeling kind of funky. By night time Saturday I realized that I had a UTI which started causing me such distress that I was in misery and pulling out all the stops with homeopathy, vitamins, water consumption, etc. to try to help myself. That took until something like 2am when I was able to go to sleep.
Morning arrived nice and early with kids at my bedside saying things like, "Why didn't you wake us up for school?" and "I'm poopy!" Time to get crackin' Dolly Mama! Nobody cares about your troubles. Change those diapers, make that breakfast, explain the days of the week AGAIN to the 6 year old.....
Fortunately, the hubby has gotten a deer and will be home in a few hours. My 12 year old is feeling somewhat better. I am not so bad off that I am miserable, which is a great improvement.
So, in celebration of survival, I've got a pot of chicken soup on. Thought I would share the recipe with you. This is a soup that is a big hit around here. It's easy and delicious.
Dolly Mama's Perfect Chicken Soup
In a large stock pot combine:
4 cups or so of chopped, cooked chicken
1 cup of chopped celery
1 cup chopped carrots (if you buy the matchstick carrots it is faster)
1 small chopped onion (we prefer the sweet onions)
12 cups water
9 cups chicken boullion
half teaspoon marjoram
half teaspoon black pepper
1 bay leaf
1 Tablespoon parsley
You will also need your choice of rice or pasta. About a pound of pasta or 2 cups of rice.
Throw it all together in the pot and bring to a boil. Then let simmer for 20 minutes or so. (less simmer time if you have the matchstick carrots and the pasta or quick rice, longer for bigger carrot and brown rice) Voila! Your soup is ready.
You can add more veggies, rice, or pasta, etc. This is a very forgiving recipe. Make it with what you have. We have had it with less chicken and more carrots, or whatever we had on hand. We love it every time.
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
I Don't Know Why She Swallowed The Fly, Perhaps She'll Die... -or- The Marriage Article that has REALLY TICKED ME OFF!!!
Parenting and marriage advice from Michael and Debi Pearl (the founders of the Christian ministry No Greater Joy), is often controversial. Some people love 'em, some hate 'em, and a few like me alternate between those, usually hoovering somewhere in between. Today, I'm experiencing general disdain.
No Greater Joy sends out a free bi-monthly publication filled with parenting and marriage advice, homeschooling tips, and various Christian living articles. Although I don't agree with all of what the Pearl's teach, I usually do enjoy the magazine. Well, this month's issue arrived today, and I am not happy.
Debi Pearl has written a book to women entitled Created to be His Help Meet. Included in the article about the new book was an excerpt from Chapter 8 – Wisdom to Understand Your Man.
Where to begin...where to begin....so many things I hate about this article....
First off, Debi has decided that there are three basic types of men, and this of course directly correlates to God's three main personality traits and the Trinity. Never you mind that this is all made up by her and that there is no factual basis for this....it's the stuff that chapter 8 is built upon, and that is all that matters.
Yes, well, getting right to the three types of men:
1. Mr. Command Man
2. Mr. Visionary
3. Mr. Steady
Mr. Command Man is of course very dominating. A natural leader, if you will. Debi says, "They are known for expecting their wives to wait on them hand and foot. Most of them do not want their wives involved in any project that prevents them from serving him." Sounds great, eh?
What's a girl to do if she's married to one of these diamonds-in-the-rough? "A woman married to a Command Man has to earn her place in his heart by proving that she will stand by her man, faithful, loyal, and obedient. When she has won his confidence, he will treasure her to the extreme."
Yes, that's right gals...you have to EARN YOUR PLACE IN HIS HEART by being as faithful and loyal and obedient as a German Shepherd, and then you will have WON his confidence and your husband will treasure you! Good girl! Good girl! (pat-pat-pat and a scratch behind the ears for you!)
Debi also shares that "If you are married to a king, honor and reverence is something you must give him on a daily basis if you want him to be a benevolent, honest, strong and fulfilled man of God. He has the potential to become an amazing leader. Never shame him, and do not belittle him or ignore his accomplishments."
I guess he's only strong and capable as long as his wife is bowing low before him, never daring to do anything outside of his perfect will for her. Of course, it would all be the bad wife's fault if this man were to not meet his full potential.
"A Command Man who has gone bad is likely to be abusive. It is important to remember that much of how a Command man reacts depends on his wife’s reverence toward him."
You see that his success or failure is dependent on her, don't you? And how he treats her depends on her as well.
Basically, Mr. Command Man has great potential to either be a fabulous leader or a giant ass, and it all depends on you. Better get your servitude on, wifey.
Mr. Visionary is a "shaker, changer, and dreamer" that Debi parallels with the Holy Spirit. Here are a few of the things that Debi has to say about these guys:
"These men have tunnel vision, tenaciously focusing on single issues. They will easily pick up and relocate without any idea of what they are going to do for a living at their new location."
"If they are not wise, they can be real jerks who push their agendas, forcing others to go their way."
"Most will just sit around the house and complain, but in their souls they are Visionaries."
"They are often gifted men or inventors."
"If you are married to one of these fellows, expect to be rich, or poor, rarely middle class. He may invest everything in a chance, lose it all, or make a fortune, but he will not do well working 8-5 in the same place for 30 years, and retire to live the good life. If he works a regular job, he may either not show up half the time or he will work like a maniac 80 hours a week and love every minute. He may purchase an alligator farm in Florida or a ski resort in Colorado, or he may buy an old house trailer for $150.00 with hopes of fixing it up and selling it for $10,000.00, only to find out that it is so deteriorated that it can’t be moved. He will then have the wife and all the kids help him tear the top off and carry the scraps to the dump, saving the appliances in the already crowded garage, and then making a farm trailer out of the axles. Now that he has a farm trailer and no animals, expect him to get a deal on three old sick cows, and…. He may never be rich in money, but he will be rich in experience."
Now, I am imagining that there are many desperate wives of over-the-top visionaries out there who will read Debi's words and be blessed to find a way to cope with her situation and manage to stay in some semblance of happiness. I won't minimize the value of that. Whatever it takes to get you through, sister.
Some of her advice includes:
"Every Mr.Visionary needs a good, wise, prudent, stable wife who has a positive outlook on life."
"The wife of Mr.Visionary should be just a
little bit reckless and blind in one eye if she is going to enjoy the ride."
"Learn how to be flexible, and learn how to always be loyal to your man. You will be amazed at how much happier you will be and how much fun life can be if you learn to just go with the flow–his flow. Life will become an adventure."
"The Visionary man needs his woman’s support, and he will appreciate it when it is freely given. Without her, he feels alone."
"Someday, when her husband is assured that he can trust her with his heart, he will let her be his navigator—and still take the credit for it."
"Over time, this type of man will become more practical."
So, once again, it's the wife's job to pave the way for her husband's behavior, good or bad, and eventually what she can hope for is to have earned his trust, and that he might be more practical as he ages. Lucky girl, eh?
The Steady Man is paralleled to God and Jesus. "God is as steady as an eternal rock, caring, providing, and faithful, like a priest—like Jesus Christ." He doesn't make snap decisions, isn't prone to controversy, is hardworking, quiet, and content. He doesn't tend to stray from his wife. He puts no undue pressure on her and creates no strife. On the down side:
"You may be discontent because he is slow and cautious to take authority and make firm decisions. Bossy women can see their husband’s lack of judgment and call their Steady husbands “wishy-washy”. His steadiness makes him the last to change, so he seems to be a follower because he is seldom out front forming up the troops. There is no rapture in him, just a slow, steady climb, with no bells or whistles. You wish he would just make up his mind, and that he would take a stand in the church, or that he would be firm in child discipline. He seems to just let people use him. There are times you wish he would boldly tell you what to do so you would not have to carry all the burden of decision-making.
Some women equate their husband’s wise caution and lack of open passion as being unspiritual. His lack of spontaneity and open boldness may look like indifference to spiritual things. He is like deep, deep water. The very depth makes the movement almost imperceptible."
"The trials he seems to cause you are really your discontented responses to what you consider to be his shortcomings. If you didn’t attempt to change him into something other than what God created him to be, he would not cause you any grief."
There it is again: If you're unhappy, it's your own fault! Women, you hold all the keys to your happiness, simply by turning a blind eye, giving up your hopes and dreams, capitalizing on your husband's good points, minimizing his faults, and putting on a happy face.
Watch out, you wives of Mr. Steady:
"When a woman is married to a bossy, dominant man, people marvel that she is willing to serve him without complaint, so she comes out looking like a wonderful woman of great patience and sacrifice. A woman married to the impulsive Visionary Man who puts the family through hardships, will stir amazement in everyone. “How can she tolerate his weird ideas with such peace and joy?” She comes out being a real saint, maybe even a martyr. But if you are married to a wonderful, kind, loving, serving man, and you are just a little bit selfish, then you are likely to end up looking like an unthankful shrew. He helps you, adores you, protects you, and is careful to provide for you, and you are still not satisfied. Shame on you!"
Yep..shame on you. There we are with the German Shepherd thing again. I wonder if the husband gets to smack us with a rolled up newspaper, too.
I believe that Debi Pearl is trying her best to be true to what she sees as instruction to women in the Bible. Admittedly, her goal is to instruct women, not men, so it is no surprise that this chapter does not ask the men to take any responsibility for themselves.
I will agree that there is much to be said for understanding one's husband and for doing all you can to make your marriage a happy one. I've turned a blind eye many a time and done mental gymnastics to help myself "get happy" when things were not to my liking. It actually works quite well (on a limited basis), and in a large way I can credit my 13 year marriage holding together and still being happy to much of this type of thinking. So, I don't mean to discount everything in this excerpt. As is common, there are some worthwhile nuggets of gold in there.
HOWEVER, what I am really, truly weary of is the way that so many female Christian writers so openly share their belief that women are so dreadful and so powerful. Women are to blame for their own problems. Women are to blame for their husband's problems. Women's desire for security, love, tenderness, friendship, intellectual pursuits, and most of all respect, are what cause problems. We just want too darn much. What we should be doing, it seems, is grasping that by simply being born female and for getting married, our main purpose in life is to become nothing. I have observed women who have actually turned this sort of thinking into a religion. The one who can think less, work more, put out more, turn a blind eye more, do without more of every creature comfort..... is the winner. These women seem to embrace all of this as being all of what God wants them to be. And it's mighty convenient for the husband who is low on personal responsibility, too.
The power aspect is that while we are doing all of this pretending and dying to everything outside of this role, we are the main influence shaping our marriage and our children. The whole "hand that rocks the cradle" thing, you know. While I think there is a lot of truth to that, does the entire responsibility of the human race rightly fall on the shoulders of women?
I also think that this line of thinking is an affront to men. I realize that many a man, perhaps even most, would greatly enjoy being coddled and covered-for all the days of his life, never having to face up to his shortcomings in the form of a wife who would dare to bring it to his attention. But, really, aren't there men who possess such strength of character and security in their manhood that they want more out of a marriage than a wife who is a glorified dog? Aren't there men who find this message that they are so inept and likely to be derailed from their full potential by any directive or criticism from the one who knows them best and shares their bed insulting? Is it somehow un-Christian for a man to desire an equal relationship with his wife?
Is it to be ignored that women also have been made in God's image, and that the traits that are common to our femininity are from God and just as much a part of His personality and vision for us as well as that which is masculine? Is it to be ignored that the Bible tells us that we are considered equal by God? Is it to be ignored that Jesus reached out to women in his ministry, showing no disdain for them, or that women played key roles in the early Christian church?
Where is the relief for every wife who is losing hope because she is miserable having to turn her brain off every day of her life? Where is the redemption for the longsuffering woman of an irresponsible man? Where is the motivation for weak men to grow up and stand strong within their own masculinity? When will women stop being looked at as Evil Eves and Scheming Jezebels? Where is the balance?