No More Mrs. Nice Mom

I have had a revelation today. I really like to be a laid-back mom. I really like to say yes to my kids when they want to do stuff. I don't like to make a big deal out of stuff. I'm not big on punishments. And know where it's gotten me?? To the point where I've got kids who simply aren't motivated to do what they're told. I mean, heck, if you really really really really want to play Playstation and mom said not to until after you get your chores done, but then she was busy putting little boys down for a nap for a long time, why wouldn't you just go ahead and play PS2? After all, all she'll typically do is say stuff like, "Hey! I told you not to play PS2 until AFTER your chores! Get your chores done!" and then a bunch of other stuff that probably sounds very much to the children like the voices of the adults on Charlie Brown specials. You know what I mean don't you? That nonsense wah-wah-wah-wah speak that signifies "an adult is speaking but it doesn't really count." Well, anyhow, if you were 12 and you thought no real harm would come to you by doing your own thing, why not go ahead and do it? Right??

Well, this week I've gotten to be Mean Mom THREE times, and methinks this is going to have to be a New Role for me if I'm going to turn this thing around. First, last Sunday my oldest child had wanted to go to a friend's house to hang out, but he had done something he wasn't supposed to, or not done something he was supposed to (can't remember that far back!) so I said that no he could not go that day, but if he completed his chores then he could go to his friend's house the next day after school. So he did his chores and on Monday went home from school with his friend. When I went to pick him up at dinner time (loading 5 kids up in the van to go get him) I found that I had just missed a call from him asking if he could stay longer. The friend's family was having shrimp, which my kid loves, and they had invited him to stay longer to eat with them and the friend's mom would bring him home after that. He had some chore stuff that had to be done that night, plus a little homework and a little trombone practice, so I was kind of leery of getting into him getting home even later. (Plus, my husband had been gone all of Sunday and all of Monday, and I was SO TIRED I was planning to go to bed at 7pm and it was 6pm at this point) But, being the Nice Mom that I like to be, I agreed that he could stay for dinner IF he was home in less than an hour and that there would be NO fussing, fuming, whining, complaining, stalling, or trouble out of him about getting his work done around the house. (which was an assignment that would have taken him a half hour in slow motion) He agreed, of course, and I went back home.

Well, he got back more than an hour later, walked in the door, and immediately started in on me about not wanting to do his chore, "do I hafta?" and "Well can't you assign someone else to help me with it?" and other crapola. As you can imagine, I WAS NOT HAPPY about this. So, I told him so, and let him know that since he had not kept up his end of the deal, he would not be going to see any more of his friends for the rest of the week. So then he had more to fuss about, until I finally sent him away sulking to his task. I went to bed with the little ones.

In the morning when I got up to get the kids ready for school, what do my eyes perceive, but that sonny-boy has NOT done his chore! He did maybe half of it, and stopped. Well, I get 2 kids up for school around 6:20, and he doesn't have to get up for over an hour after that. But not THAT day. Nosirree.....I went to his room and woke him up and let him know that he was going to get up then and work on his unfinished chore until it was time to get ready for school. You *might* be able to imagine the stomping, heavy sighing, and muttering that he displayed at that point.

Of course, he dragged his feet so the job wasn't even completed by school time, so when he came home he got to keep working on the same darn chore, which he tried to pretend was all done or maybe other people had come along during the day and undone all of his hard work (NOT).

The week progressed with him asking just about every day for permission to go to a friend's house, so of course I got to remind him several times that he had lost that privilege because of his behavior on Monday. This, of course, was met by sighs and protests and arguments about what really happened on Monday (my version of the events vs. his).

So now we get to today. I have him an assignment to do with his sister, with the stipulation that there will be NO PS2 time until this job is done. (again, this is a job that should take the 2 of them maybe 15 minutes or so to complete) So, I go and lay the little boys down for a nap and woe and alas, when I emerge awhile later, he has been PS2ing to his heart's content, and his sister's doing something totally unrelated to getting this job done. And he wants to know if he can go to his friend's house. Ha! "No, your job isn't done."
"Well, what about when I finish it?"
"Nope, because you weren't supposed to be doing PS2 when you hadn't taken care of this job first." And of course, all the fallout you'd expect from a 12 year old that feels that the whole world is against him.....

It isn't coming easy to me to have to take this kind of a stand this often. (Do I sound like a wimp?) But, I'm really REALLY tired of having the kids going along not feeling motivated to obey. I'm not the heavy-handed type and I really like my kids so it's hard sometimes to be tough on them, but HE NEEDS IT. So, No More Mrs. Nice Mom around here. When he does stuff that is not what he was supposed to do, he will get something that will remind him that he wishes he had done what he was supposed to. Today his reminder is no more PS2 time. He had already read all of his new books (did you know there is a new Redwall book? It's called Rakkety Tam. What a cool name! Our 18 month old is now getting called that as he rambles through the house....) and has no homework. Oh well.