Funk = The Cure for Mondays

The Art of Self-Centeredness in Motherhood

I loved this article and wanted to share it with YOU!

Wisdom from the past

“It is not difficult to see why … the female became the emblem of the universal … Nature …. surrounded her with very young children, who require being taught not so much anything as everything. Babies need not to be taught a trade, but to be introduced to a world. To put the matter shortly, woman is generally shut up in a house with a human being at the time when he asks all the questions that there are, and some that there aren’t. It would be odd if she retained any of the narrowness of a specialist. Now if anyone says that this duty of general enlightenment … is in itself too exacting and oppressive, I can understand the view. I can only answer that our race has thought it worth while to cast this burden on women in order to keep common-sense in the world. … How can it be a large career to tell other people’s children about the Rule of Three, and a small career to tell one’s own children about the universe? How can it be broad to be the same thing to everyone, and narrow to be everything to someone? No. A woman’s function is laborious, but because it is gigantic, not because it is minute. I will pity Mrs. Jones for the hugeness of her task; I will never pity her for its smallness.”

GK Chesterton

I remember a few years ago when I was homeschooling only two of my sons, and things had been rather bumpy. I walked into a church event and a friend there asked the fateful words, "So how's homeschooling going?"

My answer?

"If I talk about it, I might start to cry."

And then I talked about it.

I told her that sometimes it was intensely hard. I told her that I was struggling. And I told her that although homeschooling can be intensely hard and a struggle, that doesn't mean I'm not where I'm supposed to be.

There is a lot in our society that tells us that if we are not happy and enjoying everything that we do, that we should feel free to go choose something else that would make us happy or be more enjoyable. I think that concept is wrong. There is a lot of value in struggle, suffering, perseverance, and commitment. Don't doubt it.

I really liked this article on this subject. Good stuff. Enjoy.

P.S. Later on that friend at church thanked me for my candid honesty. She told me that she had been thinking about homeschooling her own kids, but that every homeschool mom she ever talked to about it got all Stepford on her and acted like it was the most wonderful, natural, positive thing they could be doing. And she wasn't buying that. She said it made her nervous to only hear glowing reports, that she knew in her gut were probably not entirely true. Hearing what I had to say hadn't scared her off from homeschooling. She said it helped her feel like she had a more realistic idea of what it can be like, and what it takes to stick with it. I was glad I wasn't afraid to be transparent that day.

Raw Almonds for Sale!

Almonds are a delicious and nutritious snack, but the ones we get in the grocery store have been pasteurized, so the greatest health benefit has been heated right out of them.

This fall we are trying something new. Get in our our big bulk buy of fresh, unpasteurized almonds from California! At just $6 per pound, you can get these wonderful almonds in increments of 20 pounds.

Since these almonds are fresh, they will stay nice at room temperature for 9-12 months or more. If you store them in the fridge they'll last for years, and in the freezer they'll last for a really, really, really long time. :)

These almonds are not certified organic, but the farm that they come from has not used any pesticides in at least 15 years.

The almonds are shelled and fresh!

This is a pre-order. That means that you will order and pay for your almonds now. I will be placing our large order (many hundreds or even a thousand pounds or more) around October 15-20. Once they arrive here I will be shipping them out to you.

Feel free to go in on this order with a friend if you like. Almonds are great for Christmas gifts too!

This is a one-time opportunity. These almonds are just sold once a year when the fresh harvest comes in. There is a slight possibility that I may be able to take another order in November, but for right now this is the only time I can be sure of that there will be enough supply to fill the orders.

Click here to order.

New song from Steven Curtis Chapman

Losing My Footing

7:15 get up, dressed, eat, check email/business
8-8:45 walk/exercise
8:45-9:15 make smoothies and try to get the day going
9:15-12 homeschooling
12-1 lunch break
1-2+ homeschooling
2-4:25 This is my time for a shower, nap, business, dinner plan, errands
4:25-8:45 my new part time job ("only" 2 nights a week)
8:45-10ish finish picking up the house, laundry, business, pack orders, spend time with kids and/or husband, any leisure, etc.
10ish try to go to bed, but more likely all of the above takes til much later than 10.

Rinse. Repeat. Daily.

This is my life these days. I am struggling. Within this schedule I am finding it difficult to add in:

-driving to/from my oldest son's classes that are 45 minutes away (thankfully, I usually only have to do this once a week)
-having any personal crisis, illness, or need
-anyone else that I care about having any personal crisis, illness, or need

Last week included the death of a friend from church, calling hours, 20 extra hours of working at the not-quite-so-part-time part time job, a stressful situation with a family member, a personal problem that was stressful, some health issues for me, fatigue, PMS in all it's glory, trying to get a handle on the house mess/laundry/grocery shopping/meal plan/discipline/etc. etc. etc. Oh..and did I mention that my 17 year old is now homeschooled, which means that I'm needing to keep up with the reading for Sonlight 300? And try to discuss all of the reading with my son? Who is almost always on the go with his friends? Oh boy.

Today has been spent trying to catch up. It seems like every time I cross one thing off my list, 3 more items take it's place.

Our House (love this song!)

Heard from a crazy person lately?

This is tragically hilarious. Enjoy!

Loved This

I loved this new video from Taylor Swift. Made me think of my own awesome mom, as well as all of the memories I'm making with my children each day.

Loved This Video

A Dream

Dreams can be amazing. Stir up all your conscious issues along with the subconscious and the peripheral things in your life, let your brain get quiet enough to puzzle-piece it all together, and you get a movie. Sometimes it's just weird. Other times it's powerful enough to shake you to your core.

A week or two ago I had a dream. All of my immediate and extended family was celebrating some holiday at my Gram's house. It was as it is today, remodeled and with the belongings and style of my uncle and his girlfriend that now own it. We were all milling around, and then I caught a glimpse of Gram, standing in the front entryway.

My breath caught. I moved slowly for a closer look, thinking she was a ghost that could just disappear if I moved too fast. My grandfather was there, standing behind her, hands on her shoulders. They had a great view of what was happening both in the dining room and the living room, and they looked radiantly happy. They took my breath away.

I heard my uncle come up behind me. He quietly said, "Wow. They look so real." I had the quick thought that if he and I were both seeing the same thing, then it had to be real! And they heard it and looked at us. I ran to her and threw my arms around her and was overcome with hysterical crying. She was real! They were there! They were so happy to be together again, and to see how their family had grown. They were drinking it all in. All was well. Family members came running from all corners of the house, reaching and hugging and crying. It was powerful, all of us unified in our surprise and joy at them being with us.

The realness of that dream shook me from my sleep. I had not even been aware that such raw emotion was still hanging out under the surface of my heart. The desperation I felt for the opportunity to hug and kiss my Gram again was huge. The relief at being able to see her again was palpable. Seeing my grandfather so clearly was powerful. He died when I was 7, so it's been a long, long time since I've seen how tall he was or how broad his shoulders were. But there he was, and it seemed like there could be no doubt that I was seeing it all exactly as it was.

Every time I think about that dream it shakes me up again. For now I prefer to let myself believe that somehow it was true, that Gram and Papa met me in my dreams, gave me another chance to show my love and feel their warmth again.

These Kids Keep Me Laughing

One of the things I love most about young children is their secure faith in how much they are adored.

The other night I was snuggling with my youngest and it went something like this:

A: I love you sooooooooooooo much!

Me: I love you too! I love you HUGE!

A: You are the best mommy in the whole wide world!

Me: You are the best six year old in the whole wide world! I am a lucky mom to have such a great kid as you.

A: Yep! I'm the best kid God ever made!

I laughed and laughed. What a delight.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Yesterday while doing school with the kids something came up that caused my daughter to jokingly say, "That's because I'm mom's favorite!"

My youngest turned toward me urgently, saying, "WHAT?! I thought *I* was your favorite!!"

He was completely serious.

Get Your Tissues and Take 9 minutes for this

5 Years of Blogging

5 years ago today I started blogging. Which seems fairly significant, actually.

5 years ago my kids were ages 1, 3, 4, 6, 8, and 12. That sure is different landscape from today when they are 6, 8, 9, 11, 13, and 17. Lightyears away, it seems.

Blasts from the past:

5 years ago I
explained how I came up with the name for this blog
vented about AOL (never have heard anything better about them in all these years, either)
shared a manifesto I wrote (and still think about often)
told about the 4th day of school

4 years ago:
I was wondering what the proper and appropriate response is for the victims of Hurricane Katrina

1 year ago
I was dealing with an avalanche of business catastrophes that I eventually bounced back from, plus we had a new family member: our rescue dog Marlee (We love her! Such a sweet soul!)

A Child's Grief and Loss

The other day we took a short drive through the cemetery, on the way to pick up my oldest. My 8 year old immediately started thinking of Gram.

"I wish Gram was dead HERE so we could go and see her."

I explained that although Gram is not buried near us, we would not be able to see her even if she was. I reminded him that Gram is in heaven now, with Jesus and God and her husband. We talked about how great it is that we have so many good memories of her, but he seemed unmoved from the pain of not being able to see her.

At home I immediately got the children gathered at the dinner table, but my 8 year old was a no-show. Thinking he was in the bathroom, I just called to him to say it was dinner time, and didn't worry about it. He'll be along soon.

Nope. He was on his bed, sobbing into his pillow.

When I found him there I gave him a hug and asked what was making him sad.

"It's all too much! Gram is dead and I will never get to see her again. And Ono and Oyeah* live far away and I have not gotten to see them for a long time either. Gram is dead and it is all too much!"

Wow.

It was hard to see his pain. I was stricken to hear him describe it the way he did. One of my less verbal children, always fascinating me with the deep things he shares.

*Ono and Oyeah are what my kids call my mom and her husband.

Marriage Advice from 1946

When going through my grandmother's things in July we came across this precious letter sent to my Gram by her aunt a week before she was to marry my grandfather. I loved both the style it was written in, the delicate stationery, and the frank practicality of some of it. It must've been special to my Gram to have been kept for so long. The advice seems timeless to me.

May 23rd '46

Dear Ruth and Ivan,

By the time this reaches you, you will be enjoying your last week of freedom. After the 31st you will be under heavy obligations one to the other. It works both ways. I have not lived 83 yrs without learning something about men and women. None are perfect so you will do well not to expect too much.

I've been wondering for days what I could say that might be useful to you in the future but I seem to be up against a stone wall. Every couple has to meet their own problems. I hope yours will be few and far between.

Forgive freely. There may come a time when you will appreciate the same considerations.

Needless to say I would love to witness your marriage but distance forbids. I'll be thinking of you.

God bless you. Much love and the -best- of good wishes for your future happiness.

I am enclosing a copy of Edgar Guest's poem on marriage. It covers a lot. Again much love.

Aunt Frances

Happy Marriage by Edgar Guest

A man who has a mind to hold
His home secure against the cold,
and free from bitter speech and word,
will ask no Judge that he be heard.

The wife who makes her home a place
Of safety, happiness, and grace,
And keeps the children round her knee,
Will ask no Judge to set her free.

Where two unite with heart and soul
To make the home a common goal
Where, in contentment, loved ones dwell,
They'll bear both joy and sorrow well.

When home is first in thought and pride,
and is not lightly thrust aside,
and faith is high and love is sure,
Fear not! that marriage will endure.

Homeschool Kickoff Party

A few of our local homeschooling families got together recently for a kick-off party. The kids enjoy the pool, even though it was pretty durn chilly for August! Here are a few pictures:

Weight Loss Report

I have now lost 26 pounds since December! Just wanted to share my happy news. :)

New School Year

After being inspired by Stephanie Nielson's annual Back-to-School feast and theme, I decided to employ a theme for our own school year. I picked Let Love Lead You. I made a theme card for each member of the family, and included a personal note on the back. I think they turned out really cute, and I am happy to have an easy catch phrase for what I urge the kids about so often.

Jonas Brothers Concert

Last weekend we had an unexpected surprise when we found out about some Jonas Brothers concert tickets that could be had relatively cheaply. I hadn't even been aware that the Jo Bros were going to be in our area, but having a 13 year old JoBro fan in the house, I knew it was an opportunity too cool to miss.

I took my daughter and 11 year old son, and had fun taking pics of their faces at key moments. These were taken as the Jonas Brothers were about to show up on stage, and the S-C-R-E-A-m photo was, of course, when she finally saw them. It was really cute to see how excited she was. (I even screamed! The excitement was contagious.)

Summer Dance

Our church had a fun dance night earlier this month. It was an oldies theme, so we had a fun photo booth as well! Thought you all might enjoy seeing some of the pictures from it.

Me and my hubby:

Twistin' the night away:

A friend and I got the Dancing Queens awards, and trust me, we earned it!

Horrible true confessions:

Minutes ago my husband came downstairs to ask when I was coming to bed, and ended up telling me that he has been concerned about something for 18 years and has finally decided to mention it. (!!!) He said he would like to buy me some new bras because very often it is easy to see my nipples. Awesome. Nice to let me go around with THAT booger hanging out of my nose for nearly two decades without saying anything! Ugh. I do not think it is about the bras, seeing as how I have had quite a few different ones in 18 years. I guess maybe some different shirts, except the way he makes it sound is like no shirt can hold back my mighty nipples. Oh brother. Now I can feel self conscious about THAT while trying to figure out how to solve this problem. Awesome.

I took this past week "off" to rest. This meant that I did zero non-essential business items, did no thinking about business or homeschooling (except a teeny bit that came up at the end of the week), took naps liberally, and in general just chilled out around the house. Started reading A Breath of Snow and Ashes for perhaps the 3rd or 4th time, because the NEXT book in the Outlander series is coming in September, and I wanted to get caught up and reminded about where the story left off.

Today my husband and I were supposed to go out on a date, but honestly I was so tired and was also feeling a fresh wave of sadness and loss about my Gram, that I just didn't have it in me. Thankfully my hubby was ok with that. Instead of going out I took a fat nap, and then woke up to discover that we had plenty of garden items available to make a mighty nice dinner. We had corn, zucchini, green beans, and mashed potatoes all from our back yard, plus our own sunflowers in a vase on the table. I used my Gram's tablecloth, cloth napkins, and beautiful plates and serving pieces for the entire thing. It all looked gorgeous, and although I burst into tears no less than 4 times while making everything and setting things up, I also felt happy that I could be using and enjoying these things and sharing them with my family and a few guests that were with us tonite.

Now we're getting kids settled into bed and then my husband and I will be playing Racko and watching Life, season 1. (new series I discovered recently)

Interestingly, although cutting back on business doin's this week, there has been just a small amount of stuff to leave. I may take an hour or two on Monday to tackle loose ends, and then proceed to take another "week off" next week as well. I don't feel completely rested yet, and think that less work and more family time is just the thing for me these days. We'll be back to homeschooling soon, so I better get my snooze on while I have the chance.

Control is not the goal

Happily, Saturday brought a peaceful resolution to the schooling decisions for our oldest child's upcoming school year. It was important to me that my husband, son, and I, could all find a way to be unified in the choices being made. I was very happy to see that happen quite easily.

Today I got my Brave Writer newsletter and in it she had written about not needing to have "control" over family members, and I identified strongly with what she had to say, since I've been living it out for quite some time now.

Although it may take more work or be less convenient than families that run their homes like boot camp or with "benevolent dictatorships," I'm quite happy to continue to maintain a family where each person is respected, and their opinions about their own life get the appropriate weight. Family is forever, after all. Keeping the big picture in mind helps me stay focused on the right stuff.

Very Tired

So I went to New York for my grandmother's funeral. It was a long drive there and back, and it was a tiring trip in just about every aspect of the word. I did enjoy a fun stop at a dear old friend's house where I attended my first-ever wine tasting party (still don't like wine....) and got to do some socializing and talking about the old days. )We have been friends for 26 years! How could I be old enough for that?!)

At my gram's former home I spent hours with other family members going through boxes and bags full of her things. The dust, mold, mildew, and moth balls were rather unpleasant, to say the least. But it was fun to come across treasures and memories every here and there, and to laugh and say "I remember when...."

I was blessed to be able to carry home just about every item that held sentimental value and particularly distinctive memories (for me) of my grandmother's house, and that is already a joy. Just about everything already has a place where it can be seen, used, and enjoyed often. We have already eaten off the plates, I wore a piece of my gram's jewelry tonite, a special blanket is wrapped around two of my little boys tonite, and several other items are on display and in use. (It was interesting to see how different items meant "Gram" to each of us. It seemed like everybody got the things that were important and meaningful to them, and somehow those things didn't really overlap, which was really cool. I have such a great extended family. Everybody was so sweet and kind to each other.)

It doesn't seem real that my gram is no longer with us. She has been such a strong presence in my life. I still know just how she looks and feels and smells, and she is very present with me in my mind. That is a wonderful thing, but also seems very sad and at odds with the loss of her.

I was able to speak at the funeral service, which was not easy, but I'm glad I did. As I've already shared here several times, knowing how many of the greatest loves of my gram's life came to her in her 50s, 60s, 70s, and 80s is pretty inspiring to me. That's one of the main things I spoke about.

I've rarely known anyone as loved as my grandmother. She really did bring out the best in others. She was the best. I wish I could have done even more for her. But I know she knew she was loved and cherished, and that is worth a lot.

Since getting home I've been on the run. Orders to fill, customer service issues to deal with, interviews to conduct, and other business needs have been beckoning to me, while my children need me to lifeguard them at the pool and make some food and give them hugs and reassure them that Mommy is not going on any more trips anytime soon. I have had stuff I had to do every day since returning, and tomorrow am supposed to go to a wedding that I feel almost too tired to attend. I have a little boy with a birthday coming up Monday and I need to plan a party for him, which will probably be this Sunday. Nothing like planning a party 24 hours in advance, right? (sigh) My brother and sister also have birthdays this coming week, and I have no idea what to do for those. Once again the birthday curse befalls me! I wonder if a Lego set would do the trick for either of them, because that is what I still have to get for my 8 year old birthday boy. And don't forget groceries! We need those too, and I'm just the person to go out and hunt them down. (my husband would be happy to do it, but I don't know that my brain would even allow me to think through everything that I need to get in order to make a list for him. Staggering through the store, dropping things into the cart seems more likely...)

We are also having some upheaval about this year's homeschooling plans for one of the children, so there is all of THAT to wade through, trying to evaluate and consider all of the angles even though the timing doesn't seem good for it. There is a time-sensitive issue that is forcing this on us, but the good news is that if I can get through it this weekend, it should (hopefully) be put to rest by Monday. Please, Lord, let it be so. It would be helpful if all parties involved could be in agreement about the best decision. (prayers appreciated)

A close family friend of ours that was with my sister and the rest of us for the funeral and days before and after has had a tragedy in her family. Her sister was in a terrible car accident just the other day. This 18 year old girl was merely slowing to turn into her own driveway when rear-ended by an SUV. She is now in very serious condition and it is quite concerning all the way around. If you think of it, please pray for Kayla and her family.

So many things both big and small, important and urgent to fill my mind and my time.

Maternal Guilt: Inevitable

I've never had trouble feeling guilty when doing things that I felt were important to do for my children, but taking care of myself even when they want me not to sure does cause me some difficulty.

Today my 11 year old came to me tearfully to ask if he could accompany me to my grandmother's funeral. My husband and I had already made the decision for me to go alone for several reasons which include an out of state trip, not very good accommodations for our size family, my husband's work schedule, finances, my daughter's pet sitting gig which is ongoing during the time we'd need to be gone, and so on. In addition, in nearly 17 year of parenthood I've never gotten to visit with my mom, siblings, or extended family without my children around. Not that having my children around is a bad thing, but I have been looking forward to doing some visiting that is all adults and without me having to constantly be doing or thinking about doing for my children. Meals, clothing, sleeping arrangements, entertainment, supervision, etc. all take a lot of energy. I was already low on that, and grieving for my grandmother doesn't exactly energize me. Nor will a 13 hour drive to New York.

So it all makes sense. I'm going alone. The kids are staying home.

Except that I have a tearful little boy that loved his great grandmother and feels that he would like to attend the funeral.

And then I feel guilty. Perhaps I should be willing to do the extra work to give my kids this opportunity. Perhaps nothing should stand in the way of every family member making the journey to the funeral and participating. Perhaps I am too selfish to not want to have to play whack-a-mole at bedtime while trying to stay in my uncle's smallish home with 6 other people.

I could say yes to this one child. Except that there is no way that would be the end of it. Other children would want to come as well, and next thing you know I'd be on the road with the back seats full of squabbling children asking how long til we stop at Cracker Barrel. (ask me how I know. I took three kids with me to visit my grandmother in May. I'm glad they got to see her one last time, but it was an experience that left me saying, "Next time, No Way. I'm going alone."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In trying to explain to my husband that I just need a break, he says he understands, yet doesn't really seem to accept it. Once again I find myself wondering why it is that it is not automatically taken for granted that normal, healthy, decent, good, loving mothers and wives would also like some time off. When a single person or pair of childless yuppies wants to get away from their normal life that is seen as normal. When a mother wants to get away from her normal life, she is seen as "wanting to leave" her family. What the heck is up with that?

My husband actually said to me, "I'll try to figure out how to help you get some more breaks so you can get away from us."

Don't you just love the passive aggressive message embedded in there?!

(I will give credit where it is due: He called to apologize and said that he really did understand. I will try to believe him.)

It is crap like this that causes me to remember that it is no wonder that mothers suffer from depression, exhaustion, and similar ailments. So many messages tell us that once we are mothers we are on lock-down, no longer free to care for ourselves without a hefty price tag of guilt. It makes sense to me that I, like so many others, have gotten to the end of my rope at times. The whole thing turns into a warped scene where you can't get a break unless your life literally depends on it. (Hopefully your break won't need to be at Shady Acres. But it might.)

I have been thinking a lot over the past couple months about being a warrior as a mother. Fighting for what is best for my children, even when it is costly, frightening, and exhausting. I've done it. I do it. I will continue it.

For the past several days I have been looking toward my grandmother's funeral and have been thinking of needing to be a warrior to speak up and offer a tribute worthy of this amazing woman who has meant so much to me and our entire extended family. I may stand up there and cry like crazy, but I'm unwilling to let the opportunity go by.

Today I am thinking that at some point I have to be able to stand up with confidence and be a warrior on behalf of my own needs. Yes, it always has to be couched with wisdom and the realization that once you are married and a parent your life is never really your own any more. But I know that there have got to be ways for me to care for myself without having to get to the end of my rope. It will help me be a better version of myself, and better for everyone that is in my life.

And still I feel conflicted about saying no and driving away solo...

Great Love Still To Come!

Today as I was remembering so many things about my Gram, I had the thought that it is amazing to me to think that I have not yet have met some of the people that could love me the most in my life. Grandchildren are still a long way off for me, and I found it very exciting to think that more great loves will come my way in life.

My Mother, My Hero

My mom is an incredible woman for many more reasons that I am going to recount tonite. What I do want to say is that she has done an amazing job of caring for Gram in her home for the past several years.

It isn't easy to have other people in your home for an extended period of time. My mom has not only had her elderly mother's care to consider, but helpers to hire, fire, and deal with constantly, while running her own business and working full time besides, and then coming home at night to take over the care herself.

Elder care is a tough gig no matter what. Add in varied health problems, and a large side dish of dementia, and you've got a real challenge. My mom has handled a really tough situation so well. I am very proud of her.

It isn't always easy to do what we think is right or best. My mom has been committed to keeping Gram at home with her unless it became impossible. There has been a large cost financially, emotionally, physically, time-wise, personal-comfort-wise, and probably every other category you can think of. It has been a tough tour of duty. I understand it, though, because I would do the same for my mom or other loved ones as well. Some things in life require the warrior in us to show up and stay fighting for a long time.

I have been concerned about my mom for awhile now. Her schedule is beyond busy, and her stress load has been very high for a long time. I am praying that things will soon settle down for her and allow her to experience more peace and rest.

(photo of my mom and gram from a few years ago)

Tears, Memories, and Blessings

My Gram passed on during the night.

Thankfully my brother, who had been in China for a year, returned this week and was able to get to see her last night and be with her right to the end. He told me about it this morning when we talked on the phone. His care with her pain management, peaceful music, and his comforting presence make me certain that he did a wonderful job seeing her through to the other side.

My Gram was sick for a long time. There have been many times that I thought she would not live long. Every time I have spent time with my grandmother for the past many years I have been mindful that it could be the last time. I have been thankful for every visit, every phone call, every hug and kiss.

Several years ago Gram was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and we never knew if she would really know us any more when we could visit or call next. Yet she always did, which felt like a double blessing every single time. One more Christmas! One more birthday! Always a bonus to have a real visit with her.

My grandmother has been a constant presence in my life and has been very important to me and my family. Every one of my children has gotten to know her and have memories of her, which I think is really wonderful.

My grandmother's circle of love didn't have limits. If we had a friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, or anyone else around they were embraced by her kindness. And if it was at our family Christmas Eve dinner, she would quickly stick some money in someone's hand and send them out to the closest store to get some gifts for our special guest to open, because she never wanted anyone to not be included in the festivities. :)

It is hard to imagine life without my grandmother. She has been a constant. And constantly loved.

Random Proof that I Do Not Totally Stink, and some possible proof that I have not completely lost my blogging mojo

Since I vented about some of my shortcomings last night, tonite I will toot my own horn a bit.

Good things I did last week:

Took kids to VBS 3 nights

We got our pool set up and I did lifeguard duty every single day since then

I took my kids to the county fair even though my husband was unable to come with us (We tried to go together on his night off, but it was raining, so I took them the next day solo)

We had a family movie night, and I resisted the temptation to leave the room and go do something else

I played board games and cards with my kids

I stayed up late with my daughter two nights because she seemed like she wanted the company

I created a pretty area in the front of our house with two wicker chairs, a table, and some potted plants (much better than the junkfest that had previously been in that area)

I continued my no-sugar healthy-eating plan last week even though it was very hard to do so

I continued to do my 3 mile workout with my friend Kim

I pressed on to obtain much-desired birthday gifts and made a very happy birthday come together for my 11 year old

I discovered kittens under our deck (neighbor cat that thinks it lives in our yard) and shared the secret with my 13 year old daughter



Today has been better in my brain, and I have made a lot of domestic progress, which I needed. The kids swam. I did a boatload of weeding in the garden and yard that desperately needed to be done. Everything looks so much nicer now, and I am thinking of ways to beautify the place. We were blessed to get a nice new shed last week, which is significant because we have no garage, and previously only had a rickety old 3-sided lean-to barn-type structure way at the top of our hill which was never very good for the kind of storage we needed. For 9 years of living here we have not had proper storage space for tents, bikes, lawn mowers, large tools, garden tools, outdoor toys, our pool, etc. We have had A LOT of stuff stuffed into our house, and a lot of stuff in our yard looking very junky. It was fairly much impossible to improve, even when we downsized how much stuff we had, and tried to get the kids better at parking their bikes in certain areas of the yard. Now it all has a place to be put away, and the yard is so much more pleasant. We are also gaining some space in the house, which is great just for the visual relief of empty space, or at least less crowded space in some areas.

About 3 years ago we created a brick patio out of free bricks that we got. (We still have a bunch, too! What will we make next?!) Up until now this area has largely been relegated to a parking spot for every bike, toy, and deflated soccer ball in our back yard when mowing was needing to get done. Add in a few empty water bottles, soggy paper plates, abandoned socks and winter gloves, broken wooden swords or water guns, stray legos, etc. and a plethora of very strong and tall weeds determined to live in the cement jungle, and you are starting to get the idea of how this has been looking. U-G-L-Y!

Well, now that patio is clear of toys and junk. I spent some time weeding it today. (almost done!) My plan now is to create some sort of living space there to hold the spot and help it not regress into junkville ever again.

I find myself wondering about these people whose blogs I read who drive off to the library and on their way happen upon an estate sale where they find the most adorable wrought iron table and chairs set that will be just perfect for a niche in their back yard, for the bargain price of $7. I want to know where they live, because I never find such treasures at the yard sales and flea markets I come across.

Around these here parts you can find plenty of ugly bank mugs, mostly-used candles, Christmas tins (with rust inside), old tools (but not cool ones), and a whole lotta clothes. (that usually smell like smoke) Apparently we're a little lacking in cast off vintage coolness in central Kentucky.

On Saturday I took a little mental health break, driving somewhat aimlessly to the town south of mine. I decided to pop into the new Goodwill to see if I could find any treasures. Nope. And even the new Goodwill still has that donated clothes weird smell thing going on.

I will give props to the one yard sale that I saw and checked out. I walked away with a Michael Koors belt (50 cents!), and two cute new purses. (I have recently become a purse enthusiast)

Also, I would like to say that since stopping eating sugar back in March I have now lost 10 pounds. (on top of the 5 that I lost between November and March) And the Michael Koors belt fits me. And also I bought fitted tshirts yesterday at Target, and they do not look bad on me, and I did not have to buy them from the plus size department. Which I am pleased about.

As you can see, it is possible for me to become so busy with life that I give nary a cursory blog post, let alone anything interesting or the least bit well-written for ages upon ages, and then all of the sudden in one night I have a whole bunch of random bloggety goodness to spew out at you.

Sorry. I suppose this is one of the risks of being a regular reader (dare I say fan?!) of this blog.

I haven't thought of my life in blogging perspective for quite some time. It feels really nice tonite to be sharing all of this with you. Maybe I'll be back again before the spell breaks....

Do I amaze you? Only because you know so little about what's going on....

Kat cracked me up tonite with her sweet comment:

Have I ever mentioned my amazement at your energy and creativity? :)

Kat, my friend, I thank you for that. But after the past day/week that I have been having, it seemed ironically, tragically, puzzlingly, insanely laughable. As in, laughing myself into an insane stupor.

Tonite we had a birthday party to celebrate our son's 11th birthday. Although it all went well and he is very, very happy with how his big day went, it was fraught with a bunch of stress and I-feel-like-a-terrible-mother angst.

This year has had me feeling off-the-rails for many reasons. We were hit with a super stressful bunch of crap in November that dragged on and on and only just resolved this month. Christmas shopping was a struggle. I never wrote a Christmas letter or sent out cards or gave anything nice to a single one of our very wonderful neighbors.

In March our "birthday season" rolled around. All of the birthdays at our house fall between March and August. We have one in mid-March, 2 back-to-back in early April, others in April (for extended family), a single birthday for May, June, July, and August. Each birthday seemed to catch me off guard. "Oh crap! Another birthday! What the heck?!" and then I would begin the dance of the overwhelmed mother with no energy or creativity. What to get? What's the budget? Am I too late to order it online? Do we have to have a party?"

Sadly, my feelings about several of these should-be-special days was just great relief at crossing another one off of my list. The pressure felt terrible, I was unprepared, and felt like crap because it's not like I don't have fair warning that everybody gets a birthday every 12 months.

To make matters worse, I totally blanked out on my mom's birthday AND Mother's Day AND my grandmother's birthday. Which is terrible and I still haven't recovered from it. I love my mom and grandmother both a ton. But it was like my brain was broken. I could see the dates away on the horizon and would think, "Hey, I need to think of a gift to send..." and then all of the sudden the day was upon me or past me and I would think, "Shoot! I missed it. And I still have no idea what to get." I guess I could have sent flowers still, and maybe I should have. But it seemed like a cop-out and a lie. Because really I was just too mentally exhausted to think of anything or do anything about it.

For this birthday I had fair warning. These kids start telling me what they want for their birthdays p-l-e-n-t-y far in advance, and I even had a nice itemized list of what Jake wanted for his special day. Finances have been tight, so I was holding off on the purchasing, which meant payday this past Friday. My husband and I decided to do our shopping in The Big City Saturday night, which would include not only a trip to the health food store, but also birthday shopping. As it turned out, I guess my brain power was on low again, because we skipped our chance to go to Toys R Us to look for the stuff, mainly because we also had to go to Walmart and I was confident that we would find the stuff there.

And that was a bad, bad gamble. Because they had neither of the two most-desired gifts that my son wanted. Which was not good.

I was already exhausted, sleep deprived, and stressed from a bunch of other things during the week, and now I had no gifts for my child. And his party was today.

My husband's solution to this was so simply do an IOU sort of thing, and get the stuff for him later. And that just wasn't what I wanted to do. My kid told me well in advance what he wished for, and it was due to our own lack of planning and whatever that we were in this situation. My kid deserved to have actual gifts, not 3x5 cards to dash his hopes of a special new Lego set or cool new game to play with. I was determined to drive back to The Big City on Sunday after church and track down his gifts, by hook or by crook. (and I did)

Well, I could go on and on, but basically, I had plenty of ammunition in my brain to remind me of ways that I feel like I have been failing my kids and not being the kind of mother I want to be. I am sick of being unprepared, being too tired, being behind and late and sorry.

I thought of this mothering manifesto I used to have on my wall back in the olden days before I had 6 kids to homeschool, businesses to run, and a million more business ideas running through my brain. I thought about how so often I feel that I am not doing what I want to be doing and should be doing. And I feel like it is time to get back to the basics around here. No, it won't mean that I'm quitting my businesses. That's important in it's own way and has a worthy place in my life too. But I know that I am off the rails on several fronts that can be repaired and renewed.

Some people would excuse me and say that I have plenty of reasons to not be doing so great. 6 kids! Multiple businesses! Husband works a lot! Whatever! Yes, well those things are true, but I also know that I find plenty of time to waste and avoid doing things that need to be done. Though I will never be a perfect mother or home manager, I can certainly do better than this.

It is nice that sometimes people say very complimentary things to me about what it is that they see of my life. But I am never fooled by other people's opinions of me. There is always a whole lot more going on than the bit that gets revealed. And that's true for all of us. Isn't it?

Buy Handmade Campaign Coming Soon!

You all know that I love etsy and other handmade products. My entire baby boutique is almost exclusively made of mompreneur handmade items!

Well, this year I plan to do a Buy Handmade for the Holidays campaign here as well as on the Baby Boutique Blog. I'm going to feature lots and lots of handmade products and the talented, creative people that bring them to us. My hope is to inspire you and introduce you to some wonderful new businesses to give your business to this year!

If you want to spread the word, please do. I have an intake form set up here for business owners that are interested in having their products considered for the campaign.

This is gonna be fun!

Do you know that God loves you a whole bunch?

If Today Was Your Last Day

Help This Family

I just learned about Carol and her family today. A year ago, after giving birth to her second child, Carol had multiple health complications that resulted in both of her legs and one arm being amputated, in addition to losing her sight. Unimaginably difficult.

As you can probably guess, their medical bills and the continuing costs related to Carol's rehabilitation are huge. There is a fabulous silent auction set up right now that ends soon. There are tons of gorgeous items there that you can big on. Most bids start at $15-20. PLEASE go check it out, and spread the word. This is an easy way to be a blessing to others.

I've been rocking at Ichthus!

I've looked forward to taking my kids to Ichthus for years, and I finally got to do it! I went with our youth group (and my 2 teens) Thursday and Friday as a chaperone for the girls. I always love a good opportunity to boogie and re-live my teenagerhood, so this was right up my alley. Some of the highlights:

My daughter and I enjoyed an indie group called The Great Transparency. Lots of fun, full of personality, and good music.

Thursday night we saw Hawk Nelson and Family Force 5. Both were lots of fun.

Hawk Nelson: Fun Young Canuks!

Here's some FF5 fun for you: UGLY PEOPLE, PUT YOUR HANDS DOWN (mine were up! up! up!)



We saw a very interesting group, The Psalters, do a drum circle. This group is like a combination of Rastafarian-gypsy-hobo-somethingorother. They play a lot of different types of ethnic styles of praise music. Very cool, different, interesting, and I enjoyed them. You can listen to some of their tunes here.

Kutless gave a great performance. Really enjoyed it! I also saw Delirious and Skillet, both of which I didn't love that much, so went on to some other stuff.

Had a blast with a friend doing our rapper hand stuff to GRITS (and after that you just have to talk to each other like, "Where you be at?" and stuff like that....). Plenty of group dancing too. (to the left! to the left!.....to the right! to the right!.....move it back now......)

My husband and I saw Israel Houghton and the New Breed last night and that was really fun worship music. While we were waiting for them to set up the stage we got to do the Cha Cha Slide with the crowd too. :) I love to Cha Cha....


I enjoyed Alabaster Box, whom I had never heard of before. I really enjoyed it that they had great music with a clear, encouraging spiritual message. Lots of energy, too!

On our way out of the grounds my husband and I saw (and heard) the throbbing music from the techno stage, and it drew us right in. We had a lot of fun dancing, and --oh! how I love teenagers! They have so much ENERGY (still jumping and dancing after midnight after 3 whole days of the same), and I love seeing the trust they give (and keep) when they crowd surf and just cut loose with dancing. I see so many wonderful, good, encouraging things in the teens I get to be around. They make me believe that good things are in store for the world. :)

The Ultimate Homeschool Expo starts soon!

Tons of resources, encouragement, freebies, all from the comfort of home! Check it out here.

Another Money Maker

I just added a new link to my "Easy Ways to Make Money" category. It's You Data. Basically you sign up and then view a few web sites and make a little money. It's fun, I've found a lot of really cool new things this way, and I like the extra money in my paypal account! :) Sign up is free and easy.

Boys at the Creek--this time...jumping!

Just Got Home...

My husband and I have been gone for 5 days to Ryan Lee's Continuity Summit internet marketing conference in Stamford, CT. It was hard to leave our kids, but we learned a lot that is going to help our family, which is the only reason we were even willing to go. I came home tonite to my awesome kids...and look at this great graphic my daughter designed for me while I was gone! She's coming along really well with her graphic designs, and even has a business making them for others on her online game sites that she plays! :) Entrepreneurialism runs deep in our family, I guess. :)

Quick Hello

I was out of town last week, taking an opportunity to spend time with my grandmother. It was a good visit, but a lot of driving, and now I am getting ready to go out of town again. Much to do, no time to blog. But came across this great music today and wanted to share it with you. Enjoy!

Answered Prayer. A Surprise, A Miracle.

I have been praying for something that I wanted very badly. Something that was very important and big. And it seemed impossible.

And today I got a huge gift. My prayer was answered. With a YES!

When it all came together, it was amazingly fast and beautiful.

This is the happiest and most hopeful I have felt in years. I'm so excited!

On Being a Mother

Brave Writer Julie wrote an excellent blog post about being a mother. Check it out here, and enjoy!

My Gram

I've been blessed in my life to have a wonderful grandmother that was geographically close by during my childhood, and that I have remained in close contact with as an adult. I have a zillion memories of her being at birthdays, holidays, daily life, and even early on Christmas morning she and my grandfather would be perched on the couch, waiting to see our faces when we came downstairs to see what was under the tree. She was there when I was in labor with my first baby, and has enjoyed each new life that has joined our family. If we had ever had a second daughter, she would have had my gram's name as part of hers. Too bad I didn't think of that on the first girl, eh? ;)

In her older age there have been several times when we've been seriously concerned about her health and wondered how long she'd be with us. Once I drove by myself with 3 small children (ages 5, 2, and an infant) over 12 hours to stay with her and help take care of her because I was so concerned. My siblings have done similar things as well. She's the kind of grandmother that brings out that kind of concern and loyalty, I guess.


She's got dementia now, so each visit I wonder if this will be the last one where she will know who we are. Thankfully, she always does know us, which is fairly amazing seeing as how there are 6 growing children, 4 of whom are young boys very close in age. For those not used to our family, it can be challenging to keep track of who's who. Somehow she gets through those visits without confusing any names. Which is more than I can say for myself some days. :)

My Gram is now almost 86 years old and not doing well. She was recently hospitalized, and is now back at my mom's house (12 hours away from me). Hospice care is getting involved in her care. Which points to something I don't like thinking about.

I called Gram today. She sounded so weak and tired. But she was happy to hear from me. We talked for awhile and then she said she had to go rest because she was so tired. She told me she loved me in a way that made me wonder if she might think this could be her last opportunity to say it. Which got me crying.

I've known for a long time that my gram is getting old and is not in good health. Most of her friends have died. She has long wondered what God was keeping her on earth for. She's in pain a lot, and cannot do much of anything without a real struggle.

Today when I talked to her, I felt like I could smell her Gram scent, that is probably embedded in my brain from my infancy. The thought of having her absent from my regular life is hard. She is a really important and hugely-loved part of my family.

A few weeks ago the kids and I got talking about what life would be like someday when they are grown up and have kids. They started speculating on what my husband and I would be called when the time comes for a special grandparent name. Granny? MaMaw? Grandmother? I could think of nothing I'd rather be as a grandmother than Gram.

I'm turning 38 this week!

So how about some 38 Special?! :) (Boy-oh-boy, these songs took me back to the 80s!)

Birthday Season....and I Have Two Teenagers!

All of the birthdays at our house fall between March and August. Birthday Season is here. This week we've had two. Our fourth child turned 9 yesterday. He was our preemie (Story here). Our second child and only daughter turns 13 today. Now I have two teenagers, and will continue to have a minimum of two teenagers for the next 12 years. And we won't be "done" with teenagers for 14 years.

What I have to look forward to:

Two teenagers: 3 years
Three teenagers: 5 years
Four teenagers: 4 years

Another way to look at this:

I only have 2 years left to have 4 kids that are not teens.
I only have 7 years left before every one of my children is out of the little kid/pre-teen age.

Every birthday that goes by I see differently now. We're moving farther and farther away from the familiar, and closer to the unknown and everything beyond childhood. I'm not one to regret or fret about these things. It's exciting to see them growing up, I'm happier than ever to have my little "chicks" all gathered around me every day thanks to homeschooling. I enjoy seeing them grow up and hear more about that they're thinking about who they're becoming.

It's an exciting time, though bumpy every now and then. Life is good.

Planting Taters

Don't miss my post about planting potatoes here! :)

Serendipity

Yesterday I was really stressing. I had many uncertain, scary, or frustrating things swirling around in my head, and the more it swirled, the more overwhelming it felt.

I decided to sit down, make a list of everything swirling around in there, and see what could be done about each item. When those items swirl it feels like more than it is, and I knew that by putting it onto paper I could bring it all back into a realistic amount of stuff to deal with, and make a plan.

I couldn't find any paper upstairs, so came down to my office area to look for a notebook. Then I got sidetracked onto the computer for a bit because I had a project hanging over my head that needed to be resolved. I decided to ask my friend Sue for help with a techie trouble, and quickly clicked on my gmail to send her an instant message. "Are you there?!" I quickly typed.

"Yes. I'm here!" came the reply.

And I then realized it was a different Sue that I had clicked on.

"Oops! Wrong Sue!" I quickly typed back.

"Well pooh!" she joked at me.

And then I thought about who I was talking to.

This Sue is a life coach, specializing in things like joy and peace. I wondered if perhaps there was a good reason to have accidentally IM'd her.

"How are you doing?" she typed.

"Honestly? Tired. Stressed. Overwhelmed."

And she then gave me some wonderful nuggets of wisdom:

What can you do to make it easy, fun, and lucrative?

You CAN ask for help! Ask for what you need.

Prioritize.

What is or is not supporting my values in this?

Without hearing the long version of what was going on, she gave me excellent tools to get to work with.

Once we were winding down our brief chat, I grabbed one of the notebooks on my desk. Opened the front page to see what notebook it was, and found that I have serendipitously selected one that I had purchased specifically to do copywork along with my children during school time. My copywork only happened one day: January 5, 2009. I had copied a bit out of a book I was reading then:

Each day, we're given many opportunities to open up or shut down.
The most precious opportunity presents itself when we come to the place where we think we can't handle whatever it happening.
It's too much.
It's gone too far.
We feel bad about ourselves.
There's no way we can manipulate the situation to make ourselves come out looking good.
No matter how hard we try, it just won't work.
Basically, life has just nailed us.

-from When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times by Pema Chodron.

I typed back to tell her, "You'll never believe what notebook I happened to pick up, and what it says inside..." and then I shared it with her. I was immediately reminded of many helpful things I had learned from reading that book.

"That's no coincidence, you know." she said, echoing my own thoughts.

Maybe sometimes we go through hard things in order to be reminded that we are not alone.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After that I found a quiet spot to do my writing, make my list of swirling, scary things that had been weighing me down. And then it was clear what I could do, what I could not do, and what I could ask for help with. And now those monsters are at least somewhat tamed, I have made progress, and even found a way to make some of it easy, fun, and lucrative! (which I laughed out loud at when she first wrote it, thinking it was absurd)

A wonderful serendipitous experience!

Boys at the Creek

I just loved going to the creek with my younger boys yesterday. Their spontaneity is so fun!

Meghan McCain: I like her

I discovered Meghan McCain's blog somewhere during the campaign months, and have enjoyed her fun and smart perspective on politics and life.

She wrote a great post about body image here, and more recently an article on it here.

I was surprised to learn that Meghan had been criticized for her body size. Weird! I've always thought of her as beautiful, and still can't wrap my mind around someone calling her heavy or fat. What on earth kind of society are we in that a perfectly beautiful young woman is called fat in public by another woman?

I always find it ironic and sad that people seem to feel that being convinced of their rightness also entitles them to behave badly.

My Baby Is Turning Six Today

My youngest child is a real sweetheart in many ways. As he has known his birthday was coming up, any time I would say "You are my favorite five year old!" he would say, "And when I'm six, I'll be your favorite six year old!" Sometimes when he said it he sounded like he might be just slightly concerned that our adoration might expire when he was done being five.

No chance. :)

I felt a pang of sadness at saying goodbye to five year olds yesterday. Aside from grandkids, I'll never get another five year old. This particular five has really been a delight. Last night I said to him that I have loved having him be 5, and that I am looking forward to spending 6 with him.

We are planning a fun day. Friends from out of town are coming to help us celebrate, and he'll get to have some extended family here for the party as well, which doesn't normally happen. He had simple wishes for gifts, and I think all of them have been fulfilled, which I know he is going to be very excited about.

It's going to be a good day.

Keeping Things Positive

Today was a beautiful day here. My husband was off today, so once school was done he and the boys played outside and then decided that it would be great to build a campfire and have a cookout tonite. This is one of their favorite things to do, and they were excited that we were back into "campfire season" around here. :)

They went to the store, bought hot dogs, mac and cheese, and smores stuff. They had a great time sawing branches to have enough sticks to roast their hot dogs and marshmallows on.

By bed time I started to usher the boys toward bed, but caught wind of their sweaty little selves and decided that 5 minute baths were needed. 5 Minute Baths happen on nights when it's all business bathtime. Quick in and out, with me making sure everybody gets cleaned and moved right along to bed.

My 7 year old got into the bath, and his sweet little legs were pretty dirty. My first reaction was to exclaim (in a friendly way) how dirty he was. but then I had an inspiration.

"Look at these legs! These are happy legs! These are legs that tell me that you have had a really fun day playing outside!"

He grinned and grinned as he recounted the fun he had had all day long. :)

This little scenario turned out so sweet, and reminded me how simple it can be to keep things positive, and to open up communication and make happy memories. Just wanted to share that with you all. :)

Wanting to Start Making Money Online?

I know that many people are looking for ways to earn extra money today. Using the internet is the best way I know how to do that.

Just recently an amazing new resource became available that teaches TONS about probably every aspect of making money legitimately on the internet. And guess what---it's FREE!

If you're at all interested, I encourage you to check it out. I have been learning from the site creator for several months now and have been extremely impressed with what he has to say. I hope it is a help to you.

Gathering Wool...

To Do List: check

Kids In Bed: check

Getting Things Done: check

Get Distracted and Wonder if it is ok to stop working and do something funner: check!

'Tidal wave' of homeless students

Heartbreaking.

Right

I just watched an interesting photo and audio presentation about a new book called Right. The author and photographer spent time at Patrick Henry College, and documents her observations there with photography, in addition to words.

The author does a wonderful job of respectfully discussing her experience at PHC. For me, these photos remind me of so many reasons why, even as a Christian homeschooling mother of six, that Patrick Henry College has absolutely no appeal to me. The author probably has little-to-no idea about the big movements behind the philosophy that PHC is built upon. The whole patriarchy thing, the whole flawed glorification of days gone by thing, and the us-against-them thing. Frankly, I found a lot of the photos kind of sad, and some of them just kind of embarrassing. More than a current event book, it's more like a side show at the circus kind of look into a subculture of the US. Curious. A little interesting. A little disturbing.

Keep It Real Campaign

This year my son and his friends entered the video commercial contest for the Keep It Real Campaign, which works to discourage underage drinking. Last night we had the fun experience of attending the Kentucky version of the Oscars, where the video my son and his friends made received the top honor of Best Picture! Here's the video:


My son created and played the music for the background, and helped with the ideas and production. His friend Parker Young is a really talented young filmmaker who has walked away with the Best Picture award at Keep It Real for three years in a row now. We have been so pleased to have our son get to learn about filmmaking, as well as be a part of a positive thing like the Keep It Real campaign.

From a Proud Mom,
~DollyMama

Things Homeschool Dads/Husbands Need To Know

I had some conversations with a couple of homeschool moms today, both of whom were feeling battle-worn and under-supported. The similarities of the struggles of homeschool moms was striking. I've been there, felt that, and heard it from others a zillion times. And what I mostly wished for was an opportunity to *somehow* be able to explain to the husbands of homeschool moms about what they need to know and do to support their wife and help make it possible for the homeschooling, homemaking, and nurturing to happen. So here is the vent:

Hint: When your wife says she needs something, just give it to her.

Does she need you to listen? Then listen to her.

Does she need money for curriculum or someone to help clean the house or for some underwear that isn't stained and has elastic that isn't worn out? Then figure out how to get her the money. With a smile, too.

Does she ask you to come to her rescue? Do it. Now! With love and compassion. And no side dishes of guilt or whining.

Hint: Although you work hard to provide for your family that is probably staying afloat with your earnings alone, I've got bad news for you: It's not enough. You also need to be a compassionate, caring force for good behind your wife and your kids.

Taking on the task of homeschooling is a mountain. The amount of information to digest and apply is daunting. The amount of decisions to make and options to wade through is exhausting. And then once you've done all of the reading, digesting, and decision-making, a homeschool mom gets to constantly assess and re-assess what's working, what's not, how to know when to stick to the plan and when to jump ship and try one of the other 3, 456, 341, 899 options for each and every possible academic subject. Plus clean up milk-and-cereal spills, and do extra laundry from when the stomach flu fairy came to visit last night. All while she has bad cramps and her period.

Because you're not actively doing all of this reading, digesting, and decision-making and cramp-having, I realize that it probably doesn't look like that big of a deal. Well, believe it or not, it IS a big deal. REALLY big. You may not know it in your bones like your wife does. If you can, though, try to know it even just a little bit in your head.

I assume that when you were first in love with your wife you wanted good things for her, thought she was pretty interesting, smart, talented, and special. You probably felt like leaping tall buildings in a single bound. And now, enough years later to have had some kids and gotten lazy about your love, you think you can ignore that woman, leave her at home all day, come home to expect a nice dinner, the kids to behave, and some hot (or at least luke-warm) lovin' before you go to sleep and start all over again the next day, without taking care of her in the other ways that would help her get "filled up" with rest and refreshment so that she can "pour out" good stuff on the family every day. When she says she needs a break, you may think it's ok to roll your eyes, give her a hard time, or whine and complain about it. I'd like to give you a swift kick (or twenty) in the rear. Your homeschooling wife is doing A WHOLE LOT behind the scenes that you probably never get to see, and I guarantee that she's dealing with a large load of mental and emotional stuff as well. She may vent to you about some of it, but it's likely just a smidge of what's really going on. If she tells you she needs something, do your DARNDEST to make it happen. Today. And be mighty nice about it. Try to remember that once she was precious to you. (You may say she is still precious to you--but are you treating her that way? Does she feel that she is precious to you?) Try to remember that you'd like her to not be so burnt out that she can't enjoy you, your children, or the life that you work so hard to provide for her. She's not meant to be kept in a box. Encourage her to get out and take care of herself, to cultivate good friendships, to get some fresh air and sunshine, to be able to move without children to hold or carry or manage at every turn. Encourage her to do good things for herself: a fresh new haircut, a facial, a massage, or maybe a lunch out with a friend. Money may be tight, but find a way to give her some good breaks and nurturing. It doesn't have to be expensive--it just has to be a fit for her needs. Hint: If you give it with a pure heart of love, with no resentment, whining, or bad attitude, it will go miles and miles and MILES toward giving her new strength and peace to continue to do what she wants to do for you and your children.

In my conversations today, I was thinking about how little I can do to help a woman who is drowning in her homeschooling when she doesn't have the support that she needs from her husband. Men--you may not be choosing the curriculum, reading the books, or teaching the lessons, but the role you play can definitely make or break the success of your family's homeschooling. Without your loving support **in the ways that seem loving and supportive to your wife** she will be stuck struggling in areas that you could have alleviated, simply by treating her like you yourself would want to be treated.

The golden rule: It ain't just for strangers any more. Try it on your wife and kids.

Checking in to say hello

I've been thinking about you dear people that bother to come on over here every so often, mostly finding nothing new to read.

It's not that I don't love ya. I do. Life just doesn't seem to lend itself to blogging so much these days.

To pop in every couple of days to say "I'm busy and have nothing to report" isn't what I want to be doing here. (though, admittedly, I do that a fair bit nowadays)

In fact, I am busy. And I do have things to report. Some of the things I could report seem too loaded to mention. Some seem complex enough that it seems to lofty a goal right now to try to put words to it all. (though I'm reminded now that blogging used to be the way I'd unravel all the tangled up yarn of thoughts in my head and make some sort of sense of it all....)

I know some people fizzle out on blogging and feel compelled to have some big sign off post where inevitable their thousands of loyal readers will bemoan their change of heart and beg them not to go. I have no desire to make any declarations, no plans to stop having this blog even if I'm in a season that isn't all that blog-friendly, and have no delusions that anyone would have much to say about it even if I did decide to close up shop here.

Things I'm doing and learning these days:

Having a teenager is scary. I feel ill-equipped for the job at times. And knowing I have to go through it five more times gives me a new perspective on people who look horrified at the idea of having a lot of kids. I have a feeling though, that this is probably similar to my belief when I had a passel of roly poly puppies er, babies very close in age: If you can survive the hardest years, the long term benefits are great! My kids (even my teenager) are truly wonderful and bring me much joy, but knowing how high the stakes are when decisions (and mistakes) are being made is a sobering thing to live with.

Business is expanding, my knowledge base is expanding, but my time to implement new ideas, strategies, services, etc. is shrinking. I'm mostly ok with that, though the wheels in my brain are mostly churning away in the background, trying to figure out the answer to the puzzle so I can do more of the business things I would like to do even while managing to do the rest of the other things I do.

Homeschooling five kids is not that hard these days. Mostly it is quite enjoyable, though some days drag on into mind-numbing annoyance and I have to sweet talk myself through it to stay the course. It is mighty nice to be at a point where it doesn't feel oh-so-very-overwhelming.

I guess that's all for now. Signing off til whenever....
~Dolly Mama