Friday, July 17, 2009

Very Tired

So I went to New York for my grandmother's funeral. It was a long drive there and back, and it was a tiring trip in just about every aspect of the word. I did enjoy a fun stop at a dear old friend's house where I attended my first-ever wine tasting party (still don't like wine....) and got to do some socializing and talking about the old days. )We have been friends for 26 years! How could I be old enough for that?!)

At my gram's former home I spent hours with other family members going through boxes and bags full of her things. The dust, mold, mildew, and moth balls were rather unpleasant, to say the least. But it was fun to come across treasures and memories every here and there, and to laugh and say "I remember when...."

I was blessed to be able to carry home just about every item that held sentimental value and particularly distinctive memories (for me) of my grandmother's house, and that is already a joy. Just about everything already has a place where it can be seen, used, and enjoyed often. We have already eaten off the plates, I wore a piece of my gram's jewelry tonite, a special blanket is wrapped around two of my little boys tonite, and several other items are on display and in use. (It was interesting to see how different items meant "Gram" to each of us. It seemed like everybody got the things that were important and meaningful to them, and somehow those things didn't really overlap, which was really cool. I have such a great extended family. Everybody was so sweet and kind to each other.)

It doesn't seem real that my gram is no longer with us. She has been such a strong presence in my life. I still know just how she looks and feels and smells, and she is very present with me in my mind. That is a wonderful thing, but also seems very sad and at odds with the loss of her.

I was able to speak at the funeral service, which was not easy, but I'm glad I did. As I've already shared here several times, knowing how many of the greatest loves of my gram's life came to her in her 50s, 60s, 70s, and 80s is pretty inspiring to me. That's one of the main things I spoke about.

I've rarely known anyone as loved as my grandmother. She really did bring out the best in others. She was the best. I wish I could have done even more for her. But I know she knew she was loved and cherished, and that is worth a lot.

Since getting home I've been on the run. Orders to fill, customer service issues to deal with, interviews to conduct, and other business needs have been beckoning to me, while my children need me to lifeguard them at the pool and make some food and give them hugs and reassure them that Mommy is not going on any more trips anytime soon. I have had stuff I had to do every day since returning, and tomorrow am supposed to go to a wedding that I feel almost too tired to attend. I have a little boy with a birthday coming up Monday and I need to plan a party for him, which will probably be this Sunday. Nothing like planning a party 24 hours in advance, right? (sigh) My brother and sister also have birthdays this coming week, and I have no idea what to do for those. Once again the birthday curse befalls me! I wonder if a Lego set would do the trick for either of them, because that is what I still have to get for my 8 year old birthday boy. And don't forget groceries! We need those too, and I'm just the person to go out and hunt them down. (my husband would be happy to do it, but I don't know that my brain would even allow me to think through everything that I need to get in order to make a list for him. Staggering through the store, dropping things into the cart seems more likely...)

We are also having some upheaval about this year's homeschooling plans for one of the children, so there is all of THAT to wade through, trying to evaluate and consider all of the angles even though the timing doesn't seem good for it. There is a time-sensitive issue that is forcing this on us, but the good news is that if I can get through it this weekend, it should (hopefully) be put to rest by Monday. Please, Lord, let it be so. It would be helpful if all parties involved could be in agreement about the best decision. (prayers appreciated)

A close family friend of ours that was with my sister and the rest of us for the funeral and days before and after has had a tragedy in her family. Her sister was in a terrible car accident just the other day. This 18 year old girl was merely slowing to turn into her own driveway when rear-ended by an SUV. She is now in very serious condition and it is quite concerning all the way around. If you think of it, please pray for Kayla and her family.

So many things both big and small, important and urgent to fill my mind and my time.

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