Homeschooling: The Good, The Bad, and the Ugly

Homeschooling is a big job. A lot of people simply say, "I could never do that!" (Or, I would never want to do that!) I can understand a lot of why people say that, but for me, the reasons why homeschooling is hard are not the ones you might think of at first.

Yes, it's a lot to purchase curriculum and use it. To make sure that each child is getting their school work done. It's a lot to teach them what they need to know, to respond to their individual strengths and weaknesses, and to capitalize on teachable moments all throughout your daily life. Some home educating parents really get into the one room schoolhouse mindset and love it. And a lot of parents find home educating to be very rewarding. You can be the person your child reads his first book with! You can be there every step of the way, for every magical moment, for every discovery. It's exciting and builds a lot of memories. At times, it's the best place on earth. What better thing could I be doing than this?!

For me, the hardest stuff in homeschooling is the stuff in my own head. First, it's wading through a thousand curriculum choices and educational philosophies, trying to figure out where my ideas fit in, and if the same will be a good fit for my child. What's worse is that this is a never-ending struggle, because every time you hit a funk, or every time your child hits a funk, you can torture yourself by asking, "Did I choose the wrong curriculum?" ("Did I waste all that money on a curriculum that isn't even going to work for us?!?!?!?!") "Should I have chosen math curriculum C instead of A?" And then, when you switch to C and that doesn't work....maybe you should go back to A! No, make that B! Or...maybe you need to start wading through all those catalogs and web sites to find something DIFFERENT! and BETTER! than what you have and what you've tried.

You can love your curriculum choices until something in your life changes, such as having a baby or being ill, and then maybe you can't spend 15 hours a week making authentic miniature wigwam villages or reenacting historical events. Maybe all you can do is point your finger toward a workbook and grunt. But, you don't have workbooks! You have wigwam materials! So whatcha gonna do now, momma?

Even worse than all of the educational options for home education is the constant mental analysis that goes along with homeschooling. "Is my child understanding?" "Is he learning everything he needs?" "Am I making a difference?" "Is my child going to do ok in life with the education I'm providing?"

If you have a more relaxed educational style you may not have lots of quiz and test grades to make you think your child is learning. Your child's progress can be completely void of easily measurable success. Even for those of us that are pretty comfortable with some version of unschooling, there are moments when we panic and wonder what results all of our efforts have really had.

Homeschooling can be really similar to having a growing child. A lot of the time you don't notice the progress because of how close you are to the situation. Relatives that you only see once or twice a year will comment on how much your child has grown, but to you they look basically the same. That sneaky, incremental growth can be very elusive to the motherly eye.

B over at SGF expressed the thoughts of so many homeschool moms in a recent post. Feeling like you're spinning your wheels and doubting that your kids are getting anywhere can be a real discouragement. "I'm offering up my whole life to do this, and I'm not sure it's working!" It can be scary and disheartening.

I homeschooled my children for 6 years before enrolling some of them in our local school. That was 3 years ago. Since then I've homeschooled some of the kids and had some in public school in various combinations. This year has been particularly challenging since I've had my 13 year old and 7 year old sons at home for school. The 13 year old had a specific educational goal for the year that made school at home the best option for him. The 7 year old was in academic peril and needed a break from public school to have some time to mature, and the opportunity to march to his own learning drumbeat. Additionally, I wanted these two boys to have some time together to work out some of their relationship struggles and hopefully build more of a friendship.

The tough issues this year have been things like dealing with attitudes and behavior issues all day long, listening to sibling squabbles and playing my role as referee a lot, spending money on curriculum that was really needed elsewhere, not having as much time to do other things I wanted to do, and on and on. At times I've been so frustrated and felt so overwhelmed and ineffective that as I've vented to my husband he's given his very male solution: Put them back in school if it's so bad!

Knowing the specific reasons for having these two kids home this year is the thing I have clung to through this year. Yes, it would have been easier to just put them back in school. It would have taken a load off of my brain to just change my mind and hand them back to their school teachers to deal with. I might have made some more money with my business or gotten to spend more time doing little tyke things with my youngest child. The house would have been quieter!

But you know what? That's not what I'm supposed to be doing this year. Getting off track wouldn't have been a good thing.

Since I can see what my original goals and thinking were on this school year I can evaluate it aside from my emotions. My oldest son achieved part of his goal, plus learned some valuable things that caused him to change his goal in a way that my husband and I think was really wise. My youngest child is getting time to mature. He is not having a year of pressure from teachers that are required to try to make all the kids learn at the same speed. Know what? He's making progress! It's not jackrabbit fast progress, it's slow-and-steady wins the race progress. And that's just fine. And he still has 5 months before the next school year to keep on maturing, to keep letting concepts gel in his brain. Being home has been a good thing for him even if it hasn't been all fireworks and high-flying accomplishments. What's more is that my boys have made a lot of progress in their relationship. They've created homemade cross bows together (they shoot wooden clothes pins!). They learned to play each others favorite computer games, and my older son has used these games to help the younger one improve in his reading and math abilities. They've done chores together and put up with their mother together. They've had more time with their dad than they would have had if they had spent their days at school.


So, has staying the course been a good thing? You bet! Has it been easy? Not a bit. The worthwhile things are often the most challenging.

Some tips for the homeschool moms out there:

1. Allow yourself space on the curriculum choices. It often takes awhile to get a feel for what you want. If possible, look before you buy. Ask other homeschoolers if you can see the curriculum they use, or even try it out for awhile. If you can stand it, try to stick with what you're chosen for the school year, and if you need something else, look for it for the next year. Eventually you'll feel less overwhelmed.

2. Make written assessments of each child before the school year begins. Write down what they can do, what they can't do, what character issues you see that are great, in process, and needing help. Then list your goals for each child and your reasons for homeschooling them this year. ** You may even want to put up a shortened version of this information on the inside of a cabinet or someplace else where you can refer to it often. Having this written down can help a murky situation clear up, and help you stay focused on your goals through the year.

3. At the end of the year write a similar assessment. Note skills for each child, highlights from the school year, and so forth. Compare it with the previous assessment and see how far you've come. Everybody needs a pat on the back periodically--homeschool moms included.

** I think it's helpful to have more reasons for homeschooling than "feeling called" or some other vague, touchy-feely reason. You will not "feel called" every day. In fact, some days you may feel called to hop a plane to Tahiti and never return! Homeschooling is one educational option of several that may work for your family at different times. Do not think yourself into a corner on this. WHY is your particular individual child going to benefit from homeschooling this year? WHY are you keeping this particular child home this year? What do you hope will be the specific benefits of your educational choices this year?

My husband and I have found a very nice balance by looking at each child's needs each school year, and considering where they will be best served educationally. For the coming school year I can tell you specific reasons why each child will be educated in the way they are, even down to why they are in particular classrooms with particular teachers. Even with my children in public school I am very involved in helping them get the teacher that is a good match for their needs. In future years some may be homeschooled, some may continue in public school, and some may go to private school. We will figure it out as time goes by.

Homeschooling can be a really excellent educational tool. Like all tools, though, it isn't right for every job. Don't be afraid to find the tools that work best for your specific situation!