Wednesday, March 08, 2006

Large Family Issues: Comments from other people

Carmen and Chris have written about the comments they have received about their large families, and I decided to jump in and add my two cents worth because it's quite different from what either of them had to share.

I hear a lot of rants and raves about the rude comments that other mothers of many receive from people. Things like, "Don't you know what causes that?" and "Better you than me!"

In all my years of parenting I have rarely heard a rude word spoken to me or my husband about our family size.

We do get comments about our six children. Usually ones like, "Are they all yours?" which I never assume to be rude, merely curious. After all, it is quite unusual for families to have six children these days.

My husband gets a little razzing at work, but he's a firefighter and those guys are mostly amazed that we can afford six children and for me to stay home with them (and even I can't explain to them how that works...it's a mystery to me. We'll credit God with that.), and they like to talk about all things sex-related, so I'm sure there's plenty of the "don't you know what causes that" which is really just them trying to get my husband to talk about our sex life, which isn't likely to happen. At our small group recently something was said in good humored jest about "Now we know how they got six kids!" and I just said, "Yes, yes, it's true....we've had sex six times in the past 14 years....."

At restaurants we get watched like we're celebrities, and because our children have some mutant gene that causes them to be extremely well-behaved in public, we inevitably get visitors dropping by our table to compliment us on our beautiful family and polite children. Sometimes we have to stifle a hearty chuckle as we thank them because we're thinking about the ornery fight that happened in the car just before we arrived in the restaurant parking lot.

I can only think of maybe twice in all my years that a person has said something rude to me about having a lot of children, and without exception I have interpreted it more as the person's own issues about parenting. It truly has nothing to do with me or my family.

I don't know why other moms of many experience such rude behavior in their outings, and I just don't see it. Maybe it's because I live in central Kentucky where many people come from large families. Maybe it's because I'm 6 feet tall and confident and people don't want to mess with me. Maybe my children are especially adorable and perfect and so am I and so all the world can't help but applaud us. I doubt it, but I guess it's possible.

Overall I enjoy taking my kids out places. People smile and laugh and compliment us and are generally amazed at the whole thing. They say, "Bless you!" (Thank you! I am blessed!) and "You're a better woman than I am!" (No I'm not!) and "I don't know how you do it!" (to which I always reply, "Neither do I!") My kids are proud of their big family and we have fun showing them off.

6 comments:

Jennifer said...

love it! this was a fantastic post! i just discovered you via chris and will be back to read some more.

i can see why chris and carmen and so many others get annoyed at the comments, but i tend to agree with you, that mostly people do not want to be insensitive. just like you so succinctly wrote, they are curious.

owlhaven said...

I enjoyed your post too. I also get compliments on how good our kids are, so definiteyl not all the comments are negative! I wrote about this on my site too...
Mary, mom to 8

~B said...

Before I had four kids, I was shopping in WAl Mart one day, my three small children in the shopping cart (18 month year old twins and a 3 year old and almost pregnant)and we were enjoying ourselves looking at the fish and this man with one child came up to me and told me to my face: "Don't you know that the world is overpopulated?" I just stood there ultimately insulted and shocked, to say the least!

Also, at other times I have been asked if I have a day care (I only have 4 kids!). One time I was with my friend and someone asked me that and my friend couldn't pick her jaw up off the floor because she couldn't believe someone would actually say that!

Great post.:)

~B

razorbackmama said...

DM, I'm the same way! I cannot think of one time that a stranger was rude about the size of our family. (Now, FAMILY MEMBERS are another story....grrrrrrrrr.)

Perhaps it's because I AGREE with the comments that I get about "you must have your hands full!" or "you must be busy!" *I DO and I AM!!!!!!!* So when people say that to me (I truly do not think they are being rude at all), I agree with them. Some do feel that even those comments are rude, but I don't. Oh well.

My children usually act like hooligans in public LOL, but even then we get comments about how well-behaved they are. Of course that just makes me wonder what in the world kids those people are used to anyway...yikes!!!

Katie said...

Great post! I agree, I do usually get more positive than negative comments so it balances out nicely.

Dollymama said...

Welcome newbies! I hope you come on back and visit some more!

Razorbackmama--

Yes, I left it out of my post, but the most deplorable, purposely mean spirited comments we have ever rec'd were from my husband's mother. Everybody else in our family has been at least respectful, if not supportive.