They are not the boss of you!!

Hey, folks, time for a little talk. Y'see, I've just been over to Very Mom's where she tells of her visit to meet a midwife. She just wanted to interview her a bit to see if this is even a person she wants around to help her with her birth. But before she even got to see the midwife the nurse came in and told VM to take off her clothes and get ready for an exam. Poor VM wasn't exactly prepared for said exposure, yet went ahead and did what she was told.

So, you know, Very Mom has her reasons for that, I'm sure. But what I'd like to say to all of you is,

They Are Not The Boss Of You!

Women get so mousey and wimpy around medical personnel. Especially religious women, who seem to think that after doing what God and their husband want them to do, they should also obey their doctor.

Guess what, gals--you have the power to say no! Just because you're in a doctor's office does not mean you are obligated to take off your clothes or submit to exams or tests or anything. Every single procedure is available for you to say yes or no to. Now, I will admit that it is so rare that people say NO, that the personnel may not know what to do about it if you do, and may even tell you that various things are required absolutely. I have found over and over again that if you stick to your guns (nicely but firmly), that does not often turn out to be the real story.

So, for instance:

If you, like me, find it humiliating and disheartening to be weighed every time you go to the doctor, just say NO. You do not even have to get weighed for pregnancy visits if you choose not to. There is very little chance that knowing your weight is going to help anything. (frankly, I'm quite happy to not know what my top weight ever has been!!)

An alternative to not getting weighed at all would be not looking at the scale and having the nurse/midwife/doctor not tell you your actual weight or weight gain. If they feel they need to know, great, but keep the information far from my ears!

Another common pregnancy issue that seems to come up is the initial pap smear and vaginal exam, such as what VM experienced. Ladies, you DO NOT HAVE TO DO THIS! You don't have to. Nope. Nope. Nope.

Furthermore, tell me WHO of you ladies actually *wants* to go in 6 weeks post partum to have yet ANOTHER pap smear and exam? Most of us can barely stomach the thought of cramming something up our HooHa 6 weeks after having a baby. So why do you go? In particular, if you had a decent birth, have no other issues that need to be dealt with, and know you can go back any time you have an actual, legitimate need to do so. The *only* post partum visit that I have found helpful at all was the one where I had to have staples removed from my c-section incision. And I did that at about 10 days. I didn't go back. My bod didn't need any more poking and prodding at 6 or 8 or 10 weeks post partum. I've got enough to do! I don't need a green light from another person to tell me if I can have sex or not. I think I know better than anyone else if I'm ready to jump back into that scene after having a baby.

You don't have to agree to "routine" newborn stuff if you don't want to. I've had babies and not agreed to eyedrops or vitamin K shots. I've had babies and gone home within a few hours. I've had babies not bathed at the hospital because I wanted to wait and let the vernix sink in and do a bath at home in our own way, rather than by a stranger or while uncomfortable standing by a stupid baby bath basin with a hoovering nurse watching to see if I know how to do it all right. (hey--we were only there for a few hours..he wasn't gloppy or anything!) You can consider each intervention and make a decision!

Then there are those parent-guilt-induced doctor visits. You have to go to all those well baby checks, even though you can tell plainly that your kid is perfectly well. I understand that some parents may actually not be sure that their child is well, or may need to get the doctor's help with something, but for a lot of you out there, you know you don't need a thing. WHY would we feel we had to give up the better part of a day of our life shlepping to and from the doctor's office with a perfectly healthy baby, just to be told that she's perfectly healthy! Stay home and save yourself the trouble!

The other one that really cracks me up is when you take your child to the doctor for, say, a cough or ear infection or some minor and obvious problem. So, the doctor helps you with your problem by giving a prescription for meds or advice about how to handle the problem, and then tells you, "come back and see me in 2 weeks." What I so greatly wish parents would ask themselves is, "What for?" If your kid was sick and now he's well, you don't need to go back! It's very simple. You can get an otoscope to look in their ears on your own, if you feel concerned about whether or not their ear infection is cleared up, and you aren't satisfied that the kid is no longer showing any signs of still being sick.

I'm not saying doctors are bad or to never go to one. I'm not saying you have to make the choices I've made. I'm just saying THINK, and when you go to the doctor or agree to a test or procedure, know WHY you are saying yes, and remember who's the boss----YOU!