Monday, May 05, 2008

Glimpse of a Hope Come to Life

These days when I look at my children, particularly the littler ones that go to school right now, I get this warm, happy feeling and I think to myself how lucky I am that I will get to have this adorable, beautiful, spectacular child home with me once we get beyond this month.

I know it probably sounds nuts to a lot of people. You may not be able to identify. But, for as much as I try to keep it real with the downs of homeschooling, I thought it was only fitting that I also keep it real about the moments of inspiration that pop up every here and there, propelling me forward into the adventure of homeschooling my five youngest children.

Those hugs. Those smiles. Those wonderful, interesting, hilarious things they say and do. I'm the luckiest mom in the world.

I remember feeling this way when my oldest child was a little guy. Being the person that taught him to read and add and everything else was just so special. I reveled in all of it.

In the years that I've taken off from homeschooling, and dug myself out from the Great Baby Avalanche of 2000-2003, there were times that I wondered if I would ever enjoy my children like that again. I feared that maybe something inside of me was broken beyond repair. A mother stretched too far and can't snap back.

There were times when I thought that I would never homeschool again. That it was too hard; too miserable a fate for me to consider for me or the kids.

And last year at this time I was feeling pushed, shoved, and cajoled into homeschooling by two of my children, and I didn't feel ready. When my curriculum arrived, I was just about in tears, asking myself, "Can I really do this? Is it going to be ok?"

And it has been ok. Better than ok. Yes, we've had some tears (mostly theirs, not mine. math can sure be upsetting!). Yes, they have asked and begged to go back to school every now and then. But, you know what? I've been pleasantly surprised. Never once this year did I regret homeschooling these two kids. Never once did I think that maybe they would have been better off in school this year. Never once did I doubt that we were doing the right thing.

In spite of all of the work, expense, time, tears, and everything else---I have loved having my kids home this year.

Last year when I felt like I was being pushed back into homeschooling one year too early, I had this little hope that maybe one day I could homeschool some of the other kids just because my heart was open and ready and eager (if I could wish so boldly!) to take it on again.

And you know what? My little hope has come to life.

PS. The other day my daughter told me that she was so glad that I had stuck with it and homeschooled her this year. Go figure!

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