NEW CHEMICAL ELEMENT

(I thought this was so clever it had to be shared)

The recent hurricanes and gasoline issues are proof of the
existence of a new chemical element. A major research institution has
recently announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to
science.

The new element has been named Governmentium. Governmentium (Gv)
has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198
assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons,
which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles
called peons.

Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can
be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes
into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction
that would normally take less than a second to take over four days to
complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 4 years; It does not decay,
but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the
assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact,
Governmentium's Mass will actually increase over time, since each
reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming
isodopes.

This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to
believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical
concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical
morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes
Administratium...an element that radiates just as much energy as
Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many
morons.