Crisis of Faith

I've been struggling with a crisis of faith for some time now. Here's some things that I don't get:

Why is it that if God is all-powerful, that He turns His back on His children? The Bible asks the question, If a child asks his father for bread, will he give him a stone? Sure looks to me like a whole lotta God's children get stones for supper....

Why is it that the Bible says God will heal us, and people believe this through cancer or other disease, and they still die, leaving behind young children and spouses that needed them? Before the person dies everyone involved claims that they've heard from God that they will be healed....and after the person is dead, we're told that they go their "ultimate healing" instead. Well, um, no.....dead people aren't healed. They're DEAD, for cryin' out loud.

The more I live and read and hear and see, the more I feel like the whole God thing is set up to make excuses so that God can always come out on top. God didn't use His love and power to heal your cancer......do God has a "better" plan and gave you "ultimate healing." God doesn't step in and save his children from poverty, sickness, crime, or torture very often. So, then those people are supposed to thank God for withholding all that power from them and leaving them to suffer. Right.

As I teach my children about Native Americans and early Indian people and we read about the "myths" that they used to explain how and why the world works as it does, I find myself thinking that many of their explanations are just as good, if not better, than what we've got for God.

In the book Blue Like Jazz the author talks about his former perception that Christianity was a bunch of falling apart pieces that the Sunday School teacher tried to hide behind her back with one hand, while doing a felt story board presentation with the other. That's exactly how I feel.

In reading the Bible I see liars, cheaters, and schemers rewarded by God (Sarah and Jacob for two examples), and others left in dire circumstances (Hagar and Ishmael, Esau) even though they did nothing wrong. We see men considered good hosts for offering their virgin daughters to would-be gang rapists. We see God-honoring people left bereft and despondent while God looks the other way for a time, seeming to take for granted the devotion of His followers.

Does this seem loving? Does this seem like a religion you'd really want to sign up for? Does this seem like a situation you really want to get on board with?

I still believe that Jesus lived, died, and rose again. I still believe that the example of the life of Jesus is one worth following. I've got no beef with Jesus. What I can't reconcile is why would I want to worship a God that I constantly have to make excuses for?