2011 End of Year Meme

Remember Memes?  I don't know if people even do those any more.  But hey--this is my 8th year of doing this one.  It's a New Year's Eve tradition.  Can't stop now!

I do want to thank those of you that still bother to come around here any more.  Now that I have facebook for quick updates, I find that I rarely think of my life in terms of blogging any more.  At times I have considered shutting down this blog completely, but alas, why should I?  It's not like cyberspace is being harmed by the "clutter" of my blog.  And, I suppose one never knows when the blogging bug might come back again.

1. What did you do in 2011 that you'd never done before?  
Turned 40.
Hired a business coach.
Joined Classical Conversations for our homeschool.
Started a Juice Feast!
Got to have my mom come live near me!

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? 
I don't remember what my resolutions were, but if they had to do with losing weight or eating healthier, I did not keep up on that.  However, I have started a Juice Feast (yesterday was Day 1) and I am looking forward to seeing how that goes and what 2012 brings.

I enjoy making resolutions and goals, so YES of course I will make more.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? 
Several friends from church have had babies this year.

4. Did anyone close to you die? 
Thankfully, no.

5. What countries did you visit? None, as usual.

6. What would you like to have in 2012 that you lacked in 2011?
The ability to understand better what foods work best for my body.

More time and mental clarity to complete more of the projects I would enjoy doing.

7. What events from 2011 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? 
My mom and her husband moving from 10 hours away to come live near us is a huge, happy 2011 memory!

I guess turning 40 was memorable, though I preferred to have an extremely low-key day and enjoyed it very much.

Depending on how the Juice Feast goes, that may or may not end up being super memorable.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Joining Classical Conversations and managing to hang on through the learning curve has been an achievement.  I love the program and am so glad we decided to give it a try.

9. What was your biggest failure?
I guess I could say that gaining some more weight was a failure, but really I think all of these experiences are learning opportunities more than failure.  So, not sure other than that.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing that stands out.

11. What was the best thing you bought? 
My new imac!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? 
Well, my oldest son graduated from high school, so that was one.  My daughter and her marching band went to the state level, and that was awesome.  One son played football for the first time this year.  My mom and her husband being willing to pick up and move close to us was definitely cause for celebration.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and disgusted? 
Not going to get into it, but I do have one that sticks out.

14. Where did most of your money go? 
All of the usual locations:  bills, living, education, taxes

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Classical Conversations

Mom coming to live near me

Marching band going to state!

16. What song will always remind you of 2011? 

Don't really have one this year.


17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier/optimistic
b) thinner or fatter? fatter
c) richer or poorer? probably about the same

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? 
Feeling peaceful and unstressed.
Completing things I would like to do.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? 
Feeling hurried and stressed out.

Feeling sick about people that have been difficult/painful for me to deal with.

20. How will you be spending New Year's Eve? 
Today--attending a birthday party for a close friend.
Tonite--Enjoying a glass of fruit/veggie juice, playing games with my kids, and I don't know if we will stay up til midnight or not.

21. Did you fall in love in 2011? 
Just stayed in love with all the usual loves of my life.  :)

22. What was your favorite TV program? 
Dexter and Homeland 

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't do hate.

24. What was the best book you read? 
I barely got to read this year.  Just recently started using the kindle app on my phone which is helping me get more read.  Nothing sticks out in my mind as being particularly great, though.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? 
Adele, of course.  I hope her vocal cords heal up soon!  She is awesome.

26. What did you want and get? 
A better education for my younger boys.

My mom to live near me.

Help with clarifying some business stuff.

27. What did you want and not get? 
I guess more money is always helpful, but really, I'm pretty content.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? 
No favorites stick out to me.  Enjoyed and was inspired by the documentary Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead.  Also enjoyed the documentary Dive.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 40 this year.  As the time drew near I felt that I really didn't want to have a big bash, as I had been considering.  When it came down to it, what I felt like doing and enjoyed was staying home in my PJs all day long, snuggled up on the couch, watching shows or movies on the laptop, and hanging out with my family.  Several people who wished me a happy birthday seemed to feel sorry for me that I wasn't doing anything "big," but really I was doing exactly what I wanted to do and I enjoyed it very much.  I realize now that any year, "milestone" or not, I can have a huge party if I want to.  I can also take a lazy day and enjoy that too. :)

30.What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying?
More tangible accomplishments.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2011? 
Getting too fat for everything I have.  Frustrated.  Yoga pants were my friend but now they are getting pretty tight.

32. What kept you sane? 
Knowing why I do what I do, and continuing forward with the love and encouragement of my family.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
Glad to see Jenny McCarthy continuing to speak up about vaccine safety issues.

Enjoyed the royal wedding (Will and Kate).

34. What political issue stirred you the most? 
Currently concerned about NDAA, SOPA, food freedom (why on earth is our gov't spending so much effort to stomp on raw milk, gardens, etc?).  I have a lot of concerns about the direction things are heading in.

35. Who did you miss? 
I always miss my Gram.  She is never far from my thoughts.  

36. Who was the best new person you met? 

Met a ton of great women through our Classical Conversations group, and feel so blessed to have them to do school with and learn from.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2011. 
Not new, but I continue to be convinced in trusting myself.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. 
Don't worry.  Be happy.

Growing Up

My babies are getting bigger by the day. My oldest is graduated, working now, and last night talked to me about possibly moving out. He's excited, but also nervous and wondering what the coming changes will be like, and what's on the unknown side of life where he isn't a child in his parents' home.

My daughter is in high school and already attuned to the fact that all of her senior friends will be going away in a few months. I remember how emotional that felt.

My third child is off on the youth group camping trip this weekend. Excited and nervous, he told me, "I've never been on a camping trip without Dad before!"

The three "Little Boys" as we started calling them when they were like a pack of puppies, 3 born in under 3 years, are getting taller, more capable, smarter, and looking older every day. I don't have any "little" boys here any more.

When I see adorable wooden puzzles and building sets, my first instinct is that maybe I would want to buy it for Christmas or a birthday. Then I remember that we've pretty well outgrown those things here. Good thing I have nieces with young children.

They are growing up. Life is good. We're doing fine.

Happy Things and Stuff to Look Forward To

Nearly a month since I surfaced here. Many good things and new things going on and coming up:

1. Last year my husband and I were very nose-to-the-grindstone about homeschooling. We partnered up and split the teaching duties and kept at it all year, which was great. In the end, we didn't have as great a sense of accomplishment as we would have liked. In addition, with every available day dedicated to schooling, the kids had no activities, other than Upward basketball season. I had grown increasingly concerned about their lack of friends and social opportunities, and was plotting and planning about how we could take the time and do the driving to whatever activities, co-ops, or whatever that we could scare up for the coming school year.

As it turned out, I came across Classical Conversations. A friend told me about it a couple years ago when I was in no position to have any interest in it. This time, though, I was ready, and it seemed like it could be a good fit. One day a week for all of us to go to a neighboring town to meet with our fellow CC'ers, the boys will get to make friends, teacher training for my husband and me is built right in because we will stay for the entire day and be involved in classes, and the boys get the nudge of being somewhat accountable to their tutors in their classes. Basically, it addresses all of the weak spots I felt we were having, plus it looks like a very challenging program with a measurable goal for each subject, which I think will be good for us and give us that sense of accomplishment that we've been missing. Looks like CC will replace most of what we've been doing for school, and will change a lot around here. We are ready for a change, so I hope this is a good fit.

I've not been interested in the classical approach to education before. All of the books I knew on the subject(The Well-Trained Mind, Teaching the Trivium) sounded so formal and hoity-toity and stuck up, a free spirited gal like me just didn't have even the slightest interest in joining up. This year as I watched the videos and saw a lot of fun, a lot of action, and nothing that looked stodgy to me, I decided it just might work for us.

It is expensive compared to what we've done so far. Thankfully we were able to get the financial end of things all worked out, so it's all systems go for starting in late August. Two of my boys are excited and two don't want to do it. Hopefully it will work out good for all and be a positive year. (otherwise, boy howdy!, we will have spent a lot of money and effort to be miserable for a school year....)

2. My mom is moving to live near me! After 20 years of living approximately 12 hours away from each other, I am more than ready to get to hang out with my mom on a regular basis. We are very excited, and now my kids will have access to even more grandparents, which is really awesome. It was great for me to grow up with grandparents nearby, so I am glad to finally have this chance for my own kids.

3. My husband and I got to travel to IL for the wedding of one of my cousins. I had never gotten to meet any of these family members before, because they are from my mom's birth family that she never got to meet. We've been in touch with some of this new branch of our family tree for about a year now, and I've gotten to be friendly with this one cousin thanks to facebook. It was a very lovely and positive experience to be welcomed into the family and get to spend time with 3 cousins, my aunt and her husband, and the various children and extended family members. Very glad that we went!

4. My husband and I will be celebrating our 20th anniversary soon! Funny how it doesn't seem that long, and also seems like forever that we've been together. Our trip was our opportunity for an anniversary getaway.

5. My daughter is starting high school in a few weeks, and is already busy in marching band. My oldest is done with high school and is now working while he figures out what else he'd like to do. We are looking forward to marching season and all of the contests! Hopefully my mom will be moved here in time to enjoy them along with us.

6. Treadmill: I have wanted a treadmill for a long time, and my husband always pointed out how much space they take up, and how often people get them but don't use them. He would also point out our rebounder and say "You could just bounce!" Yeah, well, I do like to bounce, but not for miles. And as my weight has creeped back on (yeah, creepy!) and my ability to go walking has come to a screeching halt, and as the fitness center in town closed, something had to change. I decided to try out my idea of wanting a treadmill and see if it would work well for me. I put a shout-out on facebook, and don'tcha know, someone offered me a free one! We got it the other day and so far it is providing fun and exercise for all of the kids, one dog, and myself. I used to walk 2 miles most days with my friend Kim. Right now doing a mile feels challenging. So, I've got some work to do. I'm trying to add a tenth of a mile onto my distance each day. With a bazillion pounds to lose, I gotta get crackin'.

Out of time. This concludes today's edition of Happy Things.

Let Them Eat Cake

For all the people that think I've got it all together

This post is for all the people who tend to think that I'm always positive and doing well:

This round of PMS has gotten brutal. I've been experiencing a level of self-loathing that is pretty tough. I'm so discouraged about gaining the weight back that I worked so hard to lose. And although I know what I did last time to lose it, so theoretically could do it all again, it feels like too much to take on, especially since I've already seen that my current schedule doesn't feel like it has room in it to do those things. I feel like I'm at an impasse, sitting here, overweight, not fitting into my clothes, and feeling stuck.

Also, just on principle, I feel like I should be able to love myself and be kind to myself regardless of my weight. But something in me isn't letting that happen. Instead, with every jiggle of arm flab and with every awareness of back fat, I'm saying mean stuff to myself. I've got a mean bully riding around in my own head, telling me how gross it is that I have let myself get fat again. Obviously losing the weight could help one part of that, but what the heck is going on inside my head that I'm withholding love and acceptance from myself?! Not good.

The other big emotional plague is that my oldest son is now finishing up high school at home, and everybody else is having all of this extra special stuff like proms and graduation ceremonies and whatnot. And we aren't. Well, truth be told, he could have gone to prom at his former school if he wanted to, but said he wasn't a fan of the prom and was content to skip it. And graduations are boring, I know. I barely even remember mine. And I just suffered through an 8th grade graduation the other day and truly, they are boring ordeals. Still, there are special marking points for the others, and this being my first go-around with having a homeschooled high school senior, these things have fallen through the cracks. We don't have a homeschool group nearby that is doing any of these things, and so time has flown and here I am feeling bad. Yes, we will have a graduation party for him. I just haven't planned it yet. And I guess I could probably scare up a cap and gown if we wanted to go through the motions. He'll hate that, though, because he, like his mother, dislikes all forms of fakery and contrivance.

I think I just worry that he won't feel special or something.

Of course, I'm the girl who ended up not even sending in a photo to the newspaper for when I got married. By then I just didn't care about getting that done. I was married. I was happy. Onward and upward. So...I am probably worrying too much.

A friend invited me to her homeschooled son's graduation at their church, with several other homeschooled kids. Honestly, I felt like crying that there was no official group or ceremony for my kid. I couldn't deal with going to it. :(

In the end, it will all be ok. Today the build-up of negative self-talk and emotional overload has overrun me. I told my husband earlier today that my PMS was working like a wrecking ball, just so he would be aware. I've just done my best to keep my head down, my mouth shut, and get through this, because I think I will feel better in time.

Hormones. They suck.

Older moms, younger moms

I saw a post on a blog today that partially talked about the way older moms and younger moms relate (or don't), and I found myself replying in the form of a post long enough to be featured here. So, breaking the silence, possibly with something I've said similarly before, here's something fresh:

When I was a new mom I found that the older moms that I knew were too busy for me to get much time with them. The few times that I did get up close with moms I admired were good, but they were rare and I was not able to make close relationships with those ladies, for the most part.

There were some older women who took an interest in me, but in some cases they were ones who were really looking for a disciple, someone to make be like them, and honestly, I didn't like the results that I was seeing they had. They may have felt that they were equipped to lead or teach me, but I wasn't interested in going in the direction they wanted to lead me. (and I can say that even in looking back on it all these years later, I was spot-on in those impressions. These were unhealthy people with an ax to grind.)

Now I am 40, and don't have any babies or toddlers or preschoolers or sippy cups. There are no outward markers to signal to the like-minded moms that they have anything in common with me. I'm not sporting a baby in a sling, refusing to use a pacifier, or tandem nursing to show my true colors. :) Even when I try to encourage a mom who is making choices that I can identify with from my own baby days, I sense their hesitation to trust others that they do not identify as part of their parenting sub-set. I have to overtly identify myself, "I come in peace!" and still they don't seem to believe it fully.

My oldest is 18. I've homeschooled for a long time. A lot of the younger moms I know seem to think of me in an older mom/big sister kind of way, but know what? I am so busy with what I've got going just managing my own life and children and homeschooling, that I really don't have a lot of time to invest with those gals. I don't have any more days with room for play dates.

Also, possibly a bigger issue, I have fewer pat answers than I had when I was in my 20s. For moms who want absolutes, I have few, if any, of those to offer. Doesn't seem to speak their language.

A couple months ago a couple from church asked if they could come over and visit with us and have us tell them about homeschooling. They have four small children and were looking for some wisdom, I guess. Someone to fan the flames of their naiive enthusiasm, perhaps. It was hard for us, not only because our schedule was slammed, but also because we know how long and hard the homeschooling road can be, and at the time we were not feeling particularly positive about all that we were doing or experiencing in regards to homeschooling our kids. What can we say to them, we wondered? Here they were, all stars in their eyes, chomping at the bit to Create All Of Their Own Unit Studies! and have Rigorous Standards from the get-go! and have each of their tiny tots academically advanced and extremely precocious. In the end, I ended up telling them what I really felt at the time: It's hard work. It won't always go well. You will have times when you doubt that you are doing the right thing or doing things well. And in the end, even when you have done all you could, your kids might just disappoint you, scare you, be mean, or make you cry. There are no guarantees that anything you are going to do will give you a particular result. It's a marathon, not a sprint, so pace yourself, young friends. And for goodness sake, take your vitamins, because you are going to need all the good health and energy you can maintain for the next 23 years! I don't think they got what they were expecting, and I don't know if they were really able to absorb it, since of course when your kids are tiny and adorable and practically perfect in every way, how could you really understand how things can develop in the next 15 years or so?

I see the complexity of the whole younger woman/older woman thing differently now. Certainly our societal norms do not make that sort of relationship easy or natural. I'm not sure what the answer is. Moms in my category are probably busier and less available in some ways than moms of babies. Ladies a generation older than me are not often familiar with many of my choices in life, and are looking toward retirement, travel, or careers without the impact of growing children. The internet can be great for a mix of encouragement, but is weak in that we only get to see what the person shows us through their words, and in so many cases people are comparing themselves to a myth, or following the advice of someone that they otherwise would not admire if they could more fully observe their life.

There I go again with no pat answers. Annoyingly real, I suppose.

So today I'm 40

I have no hangups about this.
Happy to be 40!
And nothing else to report.

Love Wins--prelimary review

I just finished reading Love Wins by Rob Bell. It was a quick and satisfying read. Rob addresses each mention of hell in the Bible (or so he says--I have not yet personally double checked to make sure), talks about the original language that has been translated as hell in modern versions of the Bible, and discusses how the original recipients of the letters of the New Testament would have understood the content. (an essential ingredient that seems often left alone rather than embraced in churches) He voices many of the same questions, doubts, and seeming contradictions that I have wrestled with for a long time. He points us back to the Bible for the answers.

Many who read this book will be surprised and probably skeptical to learn that the idea that God's love will be so appealing to all people, that they will ultimately choose God is not a new idea, but rather a very old one. Rob did not make up some politically-correct version of heaven and hell for this book.

As I said a few posts ago, the concept of ultimate reconciliation of all to God is not new to me. I've had years to get comfortable with this, though maybe had not been able to have 100% confidence in it. Love Wins gave me new and beautiful things to think about, not only about hell, but about heaven, Jesus, God, and how to more fully be a part of bringing the world more of God's goodness and love.

There was a point toward the end of the book where I felt like things were getting a little murky, but I appreciate the Rob was not trying to give us every single answer since not all things can be known by us. He embraces the mysteries and unknowable things and leaves room for us to not know all the details. To me that is far more honest than cooking up a bunch of details that we just can't know right now.

I would recommend this book to anybody who wonders about heaven, hell, God, salvation, or how to live life. Even if you think you won't agree, I think you'll be pleasantly surprised at how much you do get out of the book.

Love Wins, page 111

Whatever objections a person might have to this story,
and there are many,
one has to admit that it is fitting, proper, and Christian to long for it.
We can be honest about the warped nature of the human heart,
the freedom that love requires,
and the destructive choices people make,
and still envision God's love to be
bigger,
stronger,
and more compelling
than all of that put together.
To shun, censor, or ostracize someone for holding this belief
is to fail to extend grace to each other
in a discussion that has had plenty of room
for varied perspectives
for hundreds of years now.

~Rob Bell in his book Love Wins

Sadly, what I have seen so far in the online discussions anticipating this book, is that many Christians have no grace at all for anyone who wants to explore the possibility of a bigger, better, and more beautiful GOOD NEWS than most of us are familiar with. I have seen people labeled heretics and false teachers for these beliefs. And most of all I have seen that many, many people seem to love the concept of hell for others and are full of vengeance and hate for non-believers. Which is exactly the sort of thing that causes people to flip their proverbial bird at the concept of being a Christian. And why shouldn't they? Who would want to be like that? Jerk on Earth for an eternity with all the other jerks? No thank you.

Love Wins, page 45

It often appears
that those who talk the most about
going to heaven when you die
talk the least about
bringing heaven to earth right now,
as Jesus taught us to pray,
"Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven."

At the same time,
it often appears
that those who talk the most
about relieving suffering now
talk the least about heaven when we die.

~Rob Bell in his book Love Wins

Love Wins, page 8

Do you know any individuals who grew up in a Christian church
and then walked away when they got older?
Often pastors and parents and brothers and sisters
are concerned about them and their spirituality
--and often they should be.
But sometimes those individuals' rejection
of church and the Christian faith they were presented with
as the only possible interpretation of what it means to follow Jesus
may in fact be a sign of spiritual health.
They may be resisting behaviors, interpretations, and attitudes
that should be rejected.
Perhaps they simply came to a point
where they refused to accept the very sorts of things that Jesus would refuse to accept.

~Rob Bell in his book Love Wins

Reading Love Wins

I've never been on the big Rob Bell bandwagon like so many people I know. I think he seems like he's trying too hard to look cool and edgy, and that grates on me. His Nooma videos didn't interest me and I didn't think they were awesome. Velvet Elvis did speak to me, though, and gave voice to my developing beliefs that there had to be a more reasonable way to understand the Bible than much of what I had been exposed to in my life.

Now, we have Love Wins. You've probably heard about it, because people have been screeching about it all month, even weeks before the book was even available to read. What interested me about this book was the subject matter of hell, and the fact that apparently Rob was going to say some things that would challenge the mainstream notions of hell. I started learning some new and interesting things about hell years ago when my friend's husband actually left his pastorate in the Free Methodist Church after becoming compellingly convinced that ultimately God will save all. He wrote a book and it gave me a lot to think about, and gave me a hope that God is bigger and better than most believers would like to let Him be.

So, I'm not a newcomer to the idea that hell might just not be eternal, and that when we learn that Jesus paid it all, it really means ALL. I'm looking forward to digging into this book. So far there are excellent thoughts and he brings up many of the same doubts and questions that I have had for so long. Hopefully I'll manage to circle back around and share my thoughts on it here.

The Biggest, Baddest Item on the Plagues and Nuisances List is DONE

Today I started a post talking about a difficult situation that has been waiting for my attention since November. I have felt sick about this situation and felt unsure how to handle it. Today while I was writing about it, I decided that dealing with it could not be worse than continuing to think about it any more. Plus, I had already started forming a comfort level with where I felt I was going with the response.

I got it done. I am satisfied with what I said. I am hopeful that what I had to say will resolve the high-stress of the situation. I am very pleased to be done with that. Now if I could quit shaking things would really be good...

(it usually takes my physical body quite some time to catch up with what I've decided in my brain)

Mixed Bag

Some people are just exhausting. Thankfully, some can be filtered out of life. Others cannot, and so they remain on the plate we call life, dragging around behind us like so many bricks.

Forward motion on one front means that at least three other areas are laying on their side in the ditch.

Life is overloaded with sweet abundance as well as heavy responsibility. Thankfully we have encouraging days that make us feel like we can keep juggling it all.

2010 Year End Meme

This is my 7th year doing this meme.....is that a good thing, or just getting old?

1. What did you do in 2010 that you'd never done before?
Succeeded at learning to super coupon. (I haven't even gotten around to telling about it here. Does anyone even read my blog any more? Quite possibly, no.)
Went to visit my mom...alone!


2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don't remember what they were, but if it had to do with continuing to not eat sugar, or not regaining some of the weight I lost, then no, I did not keep them.

Will I make more? Of course!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth? My niece had a sweet baby girl.

4. Did anyone close to you die? A couple we know lost their newborn daughter. So sad.

5. What countries did you visit? None, as usual.

6. What would you like to have in 2011 that you lacked in 2010?
A greater understanding and appreciation for the different gifts each of us brings to the world.

7. What events from 2010 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
-Welcoming our new dog Brandi into our family. She is wonderful!
-Saying goodbye to a long relationship that had stopped being healthy.
-Throwing a super fun 40th birthday party for my husband.
-Getting to go visit my mom on my own to celebrate her birthday. Previous to that I hadn't gotten to hang out alone with my mom....like....since I was a teenager!
-Having hard stuff from the past being dug up and the discomfort and exhaustion that went with trying to deal with it.
-A crappy situation on Christmas.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Juggling my life. And learning to super coupon! I have saved a lot of money from it!

9. What was your biggest failure? Well, I gained back some weight and I'm not feeling very good about that right now. :(

10. Did you suffer illness or injury? Nothing that stands out.

11. What was the best thing you bought? The Dressing Your Truth course. It is very interesting and I believe the concepts in it are pretty revolutionary. (I haven't gotten around to telling about that here yet, either.)

12. Whose behavior merited celebration? My husband turning 40! We had a great party to celebrate.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and disgusted?
There were a few, but I'm not going to name names here.

14. Where did most of your money go? Bills and savings and having fun with my family.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
Couponing! Dressing Your Truth! Having the means to do some special trips and experiences with my family. And probably many other things, because I am always excited about my many projects and ideas!

16. What song will always remind you of 2010?

Firework by Katy Perry (Love. That. Song.)



17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? at the moment, sadder
b) thinner or fatter? fatter
c) richer or poorer? richer

18. What do you wish you'd done more of? Completing tasks and projects that are important to me.

19. What do you wish you'd done less of? Feeling stressed. And eating too much of the wrong stuff.

20. How will you be spending New Year's Eve? At a birthday party for someone very special to me, and then at home with my family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2010? Yes, with my dog, and with my iphone. :)

22. What was your favorite TV program? Dexter! My husband and I are hooked.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
I don't do hate.

24. What was the best book you read? Sadly, I can't even think of a book I read this year. I missed a lot of my book group meetings and just have not had the time to read very much. :(

25. What was your greatest musical discovery? Katy Perry's song Firework.

26. What did you want and get? The ability to do some fun things with my family members that previously would have not been possible.

27. What did you want and not get? Well, I could say *thinner* except that I think if I really had wanted it, I would have made it happen. So, I don't know. If I didn't get it, I probably didn't really want it. That's my story for the moment, anyhow.

28. What was your favorite film of this year? Despicable Me. It is one of my top 5 favorite movies of all time, I think.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? I turned 39 this year and I do not remember much about it. My husband turned 40, though, and *that* was a whole lot of fun! Now I have to decide if I will have a big fat 40th birthday party for myself in a few months. What do you think?

30.What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying?
Completing more projects.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2010?
Wearing what I have and buying almost nothing and desperately needing a change. 2011, here I come!

32. What kept you sane?
The patience and encouragement of my husband and children.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I can't think of anyone I fancy all that much. I always admire Oprah, though, and am looking forward to seeing how her new TV network will do.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?
Politics didn't stir me any more than usual, which is to say--almost not at all. I have been re-thinking some of my beliefs and am finding that my opinions have changed. Interesting process.

35. Who did you miss?
I still miss my Gram a lot. I think of her very often and enjoy having some keepsakes of hers that I use on a very regular basis.

36. Who was the best new person you met? Not a person, but our dog Brandi is a very dear soul and we are so happy we found her and she joined our family! Also, not a person, but my iphone is a wonderful companion and I would not want to have to live without her! Both of these are funny because I used to not really be a dog person, and I'm really not normally a technology enthusiast. We can call these Personal Growth items, then. Can't we?

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2010.
To continue to be true to myself.
To continue to be honest about the way I see things.
To continue to trust my instincts, since they have almost never steered me wrong.
To continue to try to understand the gifts that each person brings to the world, and to help those within my reach to live within the strength of those gifts and not try to be any other way than how they were created to be.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year. Well, it's Firework, of course. It coincides perfectly with what I've been learning through other avenues, and I love the positive, encouraging message.

Cause, baby, you're a firework!
Come on, let your colors burst!

Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon,
It's always been in side of you, you, you,
And now it's time to let it through

Should Color-blindness Be The Goal?

Back in February a friend of mine described a situation that made her sad. The platform was her Facebook page. The subject was colorblindness, or lack thereof. In relation to race.

This friend is a white woman who is married to a black man from Africa. They have two young daughters. We have been friends with them for probably at least 13 years, since they were just dating. They are lovely people.

The friend described a situation where she had her three year old daughter plus a friend at a play place in the mall. Her daughter accidentally ran outside the boundaries of the play area, and the mom was not aware of it. A man within the area said to her, "Ma'am, is that black girl with you?" (I assume he was trying to alert whatever adult was responsible for the child that was getting out of the safe area.)

So, the fact that the man described her daughter as black caused my friend to be sad, because she thought we were not supposed to "see color" in our country now.

Huh?

She had a ton of comments from people who saw this man's comment as ignorant, cruel, rude, stupid, and many other negatives. They wondered why didn't he say, "Is that little girl wearing purple with you?" or, "Is that beautiful little girl with you?"

Honestly, I thought it was absurd.

Here's a guy in the play place, trying to watch his own kid, and he sees a child getting out of the play area and no adult seems to be aware. He's looking around, trying to figure out which adult goes with the child. He makes a guess, and asks my friend if the child is with her. Except he dares to use the description of her apparent race.

He's a guy, for goodness sake. He's not going to mince words and describe her as "the girl in purple" any more than he's likely to notice her cute shoes or red hair bow. He's not going to risk seeming creepy by describing a stranger's child as "beautiful" or "adorable." This is Kentucky, you know. The guys are pretty down-home about stuff.

I wasn't aware that there was some move in society that actually discourages us from admitting that we can even *see* race. For some reason people OF COLOR are allowed to see race. I read and hear comments from people "of color" all the time that say racially distinctive things like, "For a white boy, he sure can play ball" or "for a white girl, she sure does have soul" or "I'm a strong Latino woman!" And then let's not forget Black History Month, or various black achievement awards. Why are these things ok, but a man describing a child as a black girl a horrible thing?

The idea that our society should be color blind is, to me, one that hasn't been thought through. It's like the short-lived "African-American" title, which quickly reverted to "black" (since not many "black" people living in this country have ever been African). There's nothing wrong with being whatever race or color that you are. When used solely as a description, there is no stigma or judgment attached to it. Choosing to be offended where none was intended is wrong.

Today a different friend on Facebook expressed her frustration of wondering if we are truly trying to be a color-blind society, why are surveys asking about our race? She was somehow equating this with inequality.

Again, it set off my BALONEY meter. Here is what I wrote:

I have seen people siting that we are "supposed to be a color-blind society" as a reason to be offended when people do still see color. I guess seeing color or identifying someone by color does not strike me as the same thing as not seeing people as equals. I was a part of a discussion about this awhile back and I am still trying to understand the point of view of those that posted there.

In the case of a survey, there are many pieces of demographic information collected such as race, income level, educational level, and zip code. All of these things are used, but I don't find it offensive that someone would identify me as a part of a larger group of people that I have factors in common with. Maybe it's true and maybe it isn't. That's the survey person's problem, not mine. :) Surely some surveys find that there are sharp differences between people that seem to fall along lines of these factors or others. Right? Are we supposed to pretend that people living near a border crossing would not have different opinions about immigration than people living far from the realities of the situation? Of course there is a difference. Same with a lot of other things.

Yes, humans share a lot in common. We also have a ton of variety. The point of most surveys is to understand where the varieties are and which groups of people tend to have which opinions.

The other day one of my daughter's friends at school made a comment, in jest, remarking that she was "such a white girl." We find stuff like that funny, not offensive. (and I felt vindicated that we had yet another example of my belief that Yes indeed, people do point out the whiteness of people, not just other colors or races. This is not automatically a put-down. Noticing the color of others is not a bad thing. I fear that this color-blind agenda is actually causing people to feel less comfortable around people of other colors, because they are not sure what is ok to say, if they constantly have to pretend that we are all the same color, and are unsure if they can ask questions pertaining to racial heritage or experience. I feel like it is a bad move that is not actually in favor of people being united. In this country, part of what our unity needs to be includes accepting and acknowledging differences and various heritages, not pretending they don't exist and don't matter. Each piece of the differences contributes to the whole.

I have no desire to live in a color-blind society. I do not believe that it would be positive or uniting for our society at all. Mutual respect does not mean that we must ignore differences. The end.

Score!

Today I got some welcome deals. A woman in my homeschool group is preparing to move and is selling many items that they no longer have space for. I got some goodies!

1. A picnic table for $20! We have wanted a table for the back yard for awhile but hadn't gotten around to getting one. Great price, and it is wood and metal, all one piece, so the kids can't drag the benches all over the place, and the wind won't be able to blow it over like the plastic table we used to have.

2. Large bouncy exercise ball for $1! I used to have one (Back then it was a "birthing ball." The kids destroyed it in the back yard.) and I really love to sit and bounce on those. Good for your back, and bouncing is good for your health. And kids playing with a huge bouncy ball upstairs makes for a few hours of relative solitude for this mother. Yay!

3. An entertainment unit (to house our TV, etc.) for $25! We have a tall armoire that does this job right now, but we want to rearrange the furniture, etc. and because of the amount of windows in the family room, we have few options for the placement of the armoire. We wanted a lower storage option for keeping the TV and it's electronic cousins organized, and here it was! It's nothing flashy, but it's sturdy and will get the job done.

4. The most exciting purchase of the day is a new desk for just $20. My mom was kind enough to give me an office desk a couple years ago when I needed one, and it has been helpful. However, it is very, very large. (3 big sides, 18-24" deep) It takes up a fourth of our family room. And, sadly, although I was very excited about all of the space I would have, what it has turned into is a place for lots and lots of clutter to reside. Plus, because it is so big and dark, many things end up in the dark recesses of the underneath and seem to breed down there. So, between those issues, and the fact that we need to re-organize our family room, make more space, kill off clutter areas, etc., I was wanting a smaller, more efficient desk for my computer and all business stuff, and there it was! It is a light colored wood and pretty much just what I was hoping for, so I am very excited. The next two tasks will be to de-clutter the surface of the current huge desk and the drawers, and to find someone to pass the desk to. Between Craig's List and Freecycle, surely we can find a happy recipient.

Did They Have a Good Time?

Yes they did!
I'm so glad I thought of offering the second day at the cabin as an adventure for my husband and the kids. It worked out great. :)
(I love it when a plan comes together)

There's No Place Like Home

My husband sometimes thinks up ideas for us "getting away from it all" together. Often his suggestions have not been possible for a wide variety of reasons. And that bums him out. "You never say yes when I try to take you on a trip."

So this time when he asked me, I said yes. Right away.

The plan didn't have any of the usual hiccups. All of my usual reservations were already taken care of.

"Yes, darling! Let's go! And not only that....I'll raise your offer and suggest that we go for two days, not just one!"

The guy was pretty darn excited.

So we made our reservations and waited three weeks til the appointed time to go.

Bye kids! See you in a few days! Be good!

And then we got there.

We knew it was going to be a cabin in the woods. We knew it was a short hike to get to it. What we didn't know:

-the hike was up a steep mountainside and the trudging up there made my thighs feel like jello

-the photos showed two loveseats, but when we got there, there was only one. And it wasn't that comfy.

-we knew there was a loft for sleeping. What we didn't know is that you had to access it by ladder. Which isn't all that nice for someone like me that often gets up in the night to go to the bathroom, and has back troubles that make regular walking a challenge, let alone scaling a ladder while also trying to balance an iphone to use as a flashlight. (if I had dropped my iphone, boy oh boy that would have added severe insult to injury!)

-we hadn't realized there would be No Phone Service. No WiFi. No TV. We had brought books. We forgot to bring playing cards. We made a camp fire. We had some good conversations and went out to eat. But then 9pm came and we had done everything and for the first time in my life I was living what it means when they say "bored to tears." I cried. Literally.

-we hadn't realized that the bathroom would be of the bare essentials variety. Shower so narrow you can't bend to shave your legs. World's smallest toilet. No sink in there. You had to go out to the kitchenette for that. And the bathroom was stocked with toilet paper so thin, you might as well not bother. Oh. and the bathroom was, of course, located about 4 feet away from the single loveseat in the place. "Attention please! I am about to use the bathroom! Please be sure to hear every noise!" ugh.

-the water temperature was also ridiculously low, so no hot showers were possible

-we were not given enough towels to live on, but the trudge down the mountainside to ask for more was so unattractive that we just dealt with it

-we didn't know that the little dorm-sized fridge would actually turn out to be a freezer and make the food that we brought rather difficult to eat. Guacamole cubes, anyone?

-we didn't know how dependent we have become on the white noise of a fan in our bedroom. The dripping sink, 3 varieties of special noise from the ceiling fan, weird noises from the cabin itself, and of course the coyote howling outside the cabin (yes, seriously) would make it very, very hard to sleep. I am sure that I spent about 9 hours through the night with my face stuck in expressions that I would *not* want it to freeze in.

-we didn't know that the heater for this place would be utterly inadequate.

-we didn't know that simply using the coffee maker would short out the electrical circuits in the place.

-we didn't know that the water would taste weird and make the coffee taste horrible

-we didn't know that the utensils drawer was not very deep, and had no stopper to help you not pull it out all the way, sending all of the contents onto the floor. Then I got to hand wash every. single. item. Yay!


What we had really been hoping for on this trip was some time for serious rest and relaxation and of course some good time together as a couple. With just one not-very-comfortable place to sit, not enough heat, the ladder leading to and from the bed, and everything else, it definitely wasn't cutting it. The only thing keeping us there through the night was the fact that it would have been too treacherous for us to try to get down the mountainside in the dark. It was probably the longest night of my life.

It wasn't that it was a totally bad place. It was clean and didn't smell too weird and there were no bugs or mice in the cabin (that I saw). So, by most cabin standards, I guess pretty good. This place had been recommended to us, and we had heard glowing reports about other cabins there. What we learned was that the one we got was the one that hasn't been renovated in a super-nice way like the bigger ones have. Lucky us.

We ditched the place as soon as we could in the morning, but came up with a way to turn it into a win: My husband went back this afternoon with two of our boys, who have been wishing for a camping opportunity. I hope they have fun.

As for me, I was reminded all through the night of what I should have already remembered about myself:

-I do not like contrivances. (I even hate picnics because I think it's a stupid pain in the rear to take my food someplace else instead of just eating it at home.) I like real life much better.

-Taking a bunch of my stuff from the place where it normally is, to another place that I am unfamiliar with, rarely (if ever) results in a relaxing thing for me. I like to be home. I would have been happier using the money to improve something on the house, or pay someone to come do some deep cleaning. I like to spend time doing home improvement and then enjoying it forevermore. Trips to other places don't usually excite me. I have no travel bug whatsoever. Hopefully we can save ourselves some money and some frustration and remember this for the next time when one of us gets some crazy idea that we need to "get away" from our regular life.

This one's for you, Alana :)

My we-go-back-a-long-way, real-life-friend Alana left a comment after my last post. Part of it said:

As someone who is no longer part of the protestant world, phenomena such as Vision Forum and the patriocentric movement are things I'm just now learning about and quite frankly, from where I sit, they astonish me. Part of what astonishes me is how very very fringe and "out there" these movements are when they are compared with 2000 years of Christian history. Same definitely can be said for the Pearls and the Above Rubies stuff. I'm glad I got out of where I was when I did.

I have been turning this comment over in my mind for a few days since first reading it. I'm surprised to hear you say this. Our time getting familiar with conservative Mennonites certainly gave us a new perspective on both a heavily patriocentric form of Christianity, as well as fringe beliefs and practices.

Since you're the one that has done all the heavy lifting in terms of learning the ins and outs of church history, I'd be interested to hear more about what your perspective is on how the historic Christian church has handled issues such as women's rights and family dynamics. When I read what you had to say in your comments, what I thought of was this video and all of the quotes from history about the attitudes and beliefs about women in Christianity. Knowing that it was even a matter of debate at one point in history as to whether or not women had souls is enough to shake me from thinking that there has been some excellent, fair-minded perspective on women in 2000 years of church history. I believe there was serious tinkering going on with the translation for the King James Bible as well, thanks to people with an agenda that wasn't exactly God's word.

From my perspective, it seems like Jesus was a revolutionary feminist, but once he was off the scene, women were treated like crap for most of the last 2000 years, and in many cases still are today. So, tell me what you know, girlfriend. :) I could use some good news.

I have seen this video many times, and it grips me each time. What woman would want to sign up to follow a religion like this? (clickety-click on the video to go watch it in the right width at youtube. Much better.)


**Post Edit: Alana generously shared her response in the comments. Please check them out! Thank you, Alana. I appreciate you taking the time to share. I'm going to look all of this over and think about it. Maybe it will result in a future blog post. :)