A letter to myself

Tonite I wrote out a bunch of ugly, hard, junky stuff that I'm feeling about all the things that have been going on inside of me.  I let it out even though I felt like I might hate to read it in the future.

And then I thought about the compassion I deserve, and I decided to write myself a letter, from a friend, to a friend.  In it I said everything that I would say to any other friend, even while knowing all the gunky and complicated crap that goes along with being on the inside of it.

I said all of the positive and admiring things that nobody else has said to me while I've weathered both the two-extra-kids thing and the my-husband-is-having-open-heart-surgery thing.  I said all of it, because I know it's all true.  I showed up fully for two incredibly difficult assignments that ended up running simultaneously, and I knocked them both out of the park.  

So what if it wasn't all perfect?  Who could expect that?  I am proud of myself and I am at peace with the full range of emotions I have and am continuing to experience about all of this.  

It's good to have a friend in myself.  And I'm not even joking when I say that.