Sunday, July 22, 2012

I am not ready to die

I read this post today, written buy a woman who was with her teens in the theater where so many people were shot and killed the other day.  She shares her thoughts about realizing she was ready to die, if it came to that.  While I am glad for her to have experienced peace at a horrible time like that, I found myself having quite a reaction.

Am I ready to die?  Well, spiritually speaking, yes.  I'm not worried about the condition of my soul or what will become of me after my time on earth is done.  That's not really the issue.

The issue is this:  I'm a mother.  Therefore, I am not ready to die.  Because God will not be mothering my children in the case of my absence.

I have two nieces who had the tragic experience of losing their mother when they were babies. These young women are now adults and mothers themselves.  Although they still had their dad and later a new stepmother, I believe they bear the damage and pain of the loss of their first mother to this day.

I see teens that are friends with my kids who have mothers who barely take care of them, and of course completely invisible fathers.

There are children so dear to me who do not have parents who will do anything to be with them or take care of them, who cannot be counted on to protect, love, and guide them.

It's heartbreaking on all levels.

When we say, "God, break my heart for the things that break yours" doesn't that include the children with dead, invisible, or indifferent parents?  I say yes.

Just because "God allows" things to happen does not mean everything is going to be ok.  The ripples of the loss of a parent could be so powerful as to change the course of generations.  The power of a mother that loves and cares for her children is a mighty thing that will also change the course of generations.

This is not about faith.  This is about understanding the role I play in my children's lives, and in the heart of my home, and knowing that this cannot be replaced or done without easily or without consequence.  I do not think I think too highly of myself.  In fact, I wish more mothers would realize the crucial role they have in their family.

I am not ready to die.  I still have children who need me.

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