Why is it...?

Why is it that I can write and think of great ideas day in and day out, but when it comes down to needing to actually churn out some decent writing I go blank? Even when I have at least 60-80% of the writing done (in various formats that need to be found and dissected and tweaked)!

In Anne Lamott's book Bird by Bird (which is all about the process of writing), she talks about how every day she sits down to write, and most days she becomes very, very interested in "gathering wool" as she puts it. Basically, having your brain go blah-de-blah-blah and finding urgent needs for you to get up and leave your writing such as multiple trips to the bathroom, cleaning little tiny details of things that you would not normally notice, or learning new stunts like balancing your pen on your finger. That's me right now. Blogging because I can't write! How stupid is that?

(I got a bee in my bonnet today to finish up an ebook idea that I had set aside. I need to finish it. It's so close I can taste it! And here I sit, one paragraph victorious at least, but the kids will be coming home in 10 minutes so my time is done for the day. All that skipping around the house cheering myself on and congratulating myself for a brilliant introduction...and now I have to wait til tomorrow. What is more likely is that right in the middle of helping someone with their homework or hearing about some social woe, I will suddenly get a HUGE burst of inspiration and have to go running to the computer to get my thoughts down before they escape......)

What are we here for?

I found this great post today and thought it was worth passing on. Whether it passes by snopes.com as true-blue or not doesn't matter to me. The message is a good one regardless.

Dog Tired

Worked out today, including a harder cardio than I had previously done. The question I had on my mind after an hour or two of being home was, when does this start to feel better? Supposedly people feel so much energy when they exercise regularly. Well, for me, I feel tired and sore. I exercise, am proud of myself, want some lunch and a nap. The end.

I asked my husband this question and his answer went something like, "Well, if you aren't feeling good and energetic after you exercise you probably need to work harder on your cardio....if your heart rate isn't getting up high enough blah blah blah..." at which point I had to tell him to stop or else I was going to be very tempted to injure him. He didn't quite get it that I was serious. After I, uh, explained it more clearly, he decided to go out and mow the grass. heh.

I worked my way through the oodles and oodles of clothing to swap out for the kids. Got rid of 3 garbage bags full of clothes, and found that I won't need to buy much at all for the season. That was good news. Had my newest Six Feet Under disc here, so I got to find out what happened to Lisa.....

Found some new items to include in the baby boutique so that gave me a little mental boost. I need that new stuff coming along to keep my wheels turning for the current project.

Today's Agenda: Not a Darn Thing

Got up today and got the kids on their way.

Sat at the computer and pondered whether or not I would workout today.

My back started bothering me yesterday because I did some mopping, so I had the idea that I would take today off. No sense messing with the Big Bad Bulging Disc if it isn't absolutely necessary.

I hoped against all hope that my latest Six Feet Under disc would arrive. I'm in great suspense about What Happened to Lisa?! and am waiting on pins and needles for the next 3 episodes. (And if you write and tell me in the comments you shall be cursed! I do not like spoilers. DO NOT TELL ME!!!)

No disc. Bad back. Do I go work out? Better not. But now I don't have any movie to watch while I sit and fold laundry endlessly.....So what's a girl to do?

My brain said NO to working on my Search Engine Optimization class. My brain said NO to working on my book.

What did my brain say YES to?

Investing in a big, long nap.


Yep. I slept until a few minutes before the kids got home. It's the first time in the entire school year that I've done that. It sort of half feels GREAT and half feels like a bad omen that I have already fallen off the workout bandwagon and have run out of inspiration to continue forth with my business ventures.

It ain't true, though. It's just the bad me in the background making everything more dramatic than it really is.

My current lifestyle is making me feel that my life is quite luxurious, even without all the money I'd like. In most places on earth women don't just have 2 hours a day for exercise or naps or peace and quiet. For the past 15 years I have either worked outside the home or had children to care for all day, every day. Having some quiet time 4 days a week is positively soothing. Going to exercise anyplace away from home was not even a remote possibility, and getting it done at home was doomed to failure thanks to kids who steal weights, jump on their prostrate mothers, or try to be the second wheel on a one person rebounder. Naps I've had, but always at that half-mast motherly sleep where you always have one ear open to pending distaster or need to wipe somebody's butt. Taking a Lazy Day today was part of the "trying to get my current schedule into balance" so I'm deeming it a good thing. One more piece of the puzzle trying to figure out where it fits in.

The Killer

Worked out again today, just like I said I would. :) Between having to save face here, with my husband and kids, and with the people at the fitness center, I have plenty of positive peer pressure in my life to keep me going.

I decided to shake things up today by doing 15 minutes of rebounding here at home before heading in, substituting for my usual 15 minute bike ride at the fitness center. I was on a little bit of a time crunch so that helped.

I did a full round of all the weight machines that I normally do, and at the end right before I was about to hop on the treadmill some people came in and took over all of them. Not wanting to wait, I decided to be brave and make my maiden voyage on the machine affectionately known at The Killer. Trust me, it is aptly named. The above picture sort of shows what it's like, except I think the one I used is bigger, scarier, and more painful. It starts out seeming easy, and then after about 30 seconds you know how wrong you were to think that. I only did 5 minutes on the easiest setting (called "Walk in the Park" HA. HA.) and I burned as many calories in that Very Long 5 minutes as I do in the 15 on the bike. It is TOUGH, but I like that it has quick results. I have been spending about 90 minutes on the workouts and although it's ok, I would prefer to be done in an hour or less. So, I am going to see what I can do about spending my time with The Killer and burn up some calories faster.

Over the weekend my husband has torn down walls, built shelves, and tossed a bunch of stuff out to the garbage pile. We are making progress and that is exciting.

We watched Nanny McPhee with the kids over the weekend and it was a hoot. Much better than I expected it to be, plenty of clever uses of vocabulary, and a happy ending. We all recommend it.

Worked out again today. Did 45 minutes of cardio plus everything else. Yay me! ;) Will be back at it on Monday.

Worked out again today. Doubled the ab workout and increased cardio by 3 more minutes. Plan to go again tomorrow.

Business stuff looms large. I know what I want for Christmas--2 more of me, at least. Thank you.

Keeping at it....

Seeing as how this is my blog and I'm writing it mainly for myself, I'll take the liberty of being supremely boring and charting my progress with working out and losing weight.

I had an extremely busy day full of errands yesterday so didn't get to work out, but got there bright and early today. I did a full workout on all the weight machines, increased my ab workout, and increased my cardio by one entire minute. ;) (Hey--every bit counts!) I'm planning to weigh myself once a week to track my progress in that area. I was really excited to find out that my fitness center is now open on Saturday, which means that I should definitely be able to get to workout at least 5 days a week, and sometimes 6. I do best when I'm on a roll to stay on a roll, so I'm going to go every possible day that I can. I have a boatload of weight to lose, so I might as well get to it. I would love to drop 20 pounds by Christmas.

Business stuff is going well but is challenging at every turn. I hope I can pull off getting the baby boutique open in about 4.5 weeks. Right now that is feeling doubtful. Most of the time my accomplishments are fueled by inspiration, and these days with so much depending on the winds of inspiration I am a little fearful that suddenly my inspiration will dry up. It's never happened so probably won't, but still, it's in the back of my mind.

With all the business developments in my life we've seen the need to create an office space for me. The corner of the bedroom is getting kind of overrun with boxes and files and papers.... Hubby knocked out a wall downstairs today as a step toward this goal. We're typically slow in household projects, but hopefully this one will take shape in the next few weeks.

That's all for now.

To answer your question

Kat left me a question:

I have been following a families tragedy since June. They found out that their baby had Potter's Syndrome and that it would only live a few hours after birth. They decided to carry the baby to term (four more months). She and her family are so strong! I'm not sure I could be that strong in that situation. As a woman of faith...what would you do in such a situation?



I'm somewhat familiar with the family you mention here. Although I would say you never know for sure what you would do until you're personally faced with a situation, I have a pretty good idea of what I would do.

I would pray like mad for a miracle.

I would relish every movement, bump, and in-utero hiccup that my baby had.

I would plan the best birth possible.

I would buy some sweet baby outfits and the softest baby blanket I would find.

I would prepare my kids for what was to come.

I would go into labor on my own and do all the work of bringing my baby into the world.

I would remember that just because my baby doesn't have kidneys doesn't mean she wouldn't appreciate our loving touch, the feel of being against my skin, the voices of those that love her, and the taste of her mother's milk.

I would make sure my kids were on hand to see their new baby.

I would take as many pictures as we could.

I would appreciate every minute of my child's life and give her all the love and comfort I could pack into whatever length of time she had with us.

You say that these folks are strong. Not to take anything away from them, but having been in a tough situation or two myself, I ask you: what choice do they have?

Sometimes God puts you on a path that is hard and dark and painful and frightening, and the only way you can get through it is to live it out one tough day at a time. Surviving it doesn't mean you're strong. It just means that wishing you would die doesn't make it so.

The Journey of a Thousand Miles.....

Well, my kids have all been in school for three weeks now, and I've spent close to every available hour working on business stuff. While I've made great progress and even earned some money, my new sedentary lifestyle has already found me gaining weight. One of my back-to-school resolutions was that I would start working out and losing weight, but of course in the frenzy to work on business stuff I just hadn't gotten started yet.

One of the hardest things about working from home is that there are no built-in parameters. I can do whatever aspects of my business ventures or homemaking or hobbying or whatever I choose, but enforcing any sort of balance is up to me. And that's something I typically struggle with.

I actually had to remind myself that even if I end up with successful businesses that brings in thousands upon thousands of dollars a month, if I am still this fat in a month or a year, I would be very, very unhappy. I am now at about the fattest I've been, save post partum. This is definitely the maximum yukk I can afford to let myself get to.

So, today I took the first step and joined my local fitness center. Yes, I could have technically exercised at home, but I wouldn't have done it. There are too many distractions, too many people carrying off my weights, phone calls coming in, etc. etc. I know that for right now I need to go away from here and be focused on a workout. It's only $20 a month, 2 minutes from my house, clean and nice and not much of a crowd during the daytime hours.

I exceeded my goals for day one by doing all the machines at respectable weights and reps (I was told I was already stronger than most women that come in there, which maybe isn't saying much, but I'll take my happy moments where I can get them) PLUS did 40 minutes of cardio, when I thought I'd be dying after 15.

I have solid time that I can do work out 4-5 days a week and that is what I plan to do.

I was kind of nervous to get over there for the first time, but am really glad I finally took the leap. I am looking forward to looking and feeling better, and getting closer to creating some sort of balance for myself between being a work-at-home mom and taking care of myself.

Am I The Only One?

Am I the only one that doesn't want to relive the 9-11 tragedy? The only one that doesn't want to drag up sad stories? Yes, I think we need to remember what happened on that day, and certainly those that were injured and died that day should be remembered as well. But a lot of what I'm seeing seems to almost cheapen the memory of people (using their stories to get us all crying, for instance).

What I wish people would get out of 9-11 is that there are brave, giving people in your community that would make the same courageous choices on your behalf as those that died that day. So many communities want to make a big spectacle when a police officer or firefighter dies in the line of duty, yet it is also very common that the same people and government organizations will not spend the money BEFORE a tragedy to AVOID a tragedy. We appreciate these people after something terrible happens and they die, but we don't appreciate them enough beforehand to pay them enough, give them safe equipment, or give them a really good work environment. That's not enough appreciation as far as I'm concerned.

You want to honor the people that died on 9-11? Do what you can to help your local firefighters and police to get the raises they deserve, the training they need, and the equipment they should have. Drop by with a few pizzas, gas gift cards, or homemade cookies and pictures that your kids made. When the Girl Scouts sell cookies next winter, order some extra boxes and take them by the fire station to say Thank You. Do something selfless for somebody who needs your help. Maybe it's an elderly neighbor or a helpless child or somebody hungry that lives on the street. Do something that helps you have to give without getting anything in return, including the admiration of others.

No amount of money or equipment would have saved the rescue personnel that died on 9-11, and there were plenty of other courageous people who weren't emergency service workers that also lost their lives that day. There are tons of husbands, wives, parents, children, friends, and relatives who are still hurting from their losses. To me, memory is good, but moving on with renewed appreciation that makes us live our lives in a better way is worth a lot more.

Would you? Could you? Under any circumstances?

The other day while at my book group discussion the fabulous Outlander series, I learned about UtiliKilts. What do you think? Want to see more guys wearing kilts?

Outlander fans, unite!

Diana Gabaldon's latest book Breath of Snow and Ashes has been nominated for a Quill Award. You can go to her site and follow the links to be able to cast your vote. (she's in the sci fi category--what a hoot)

Also, have you ever wondered who would play all the different characters if Outlander ever became a movie or TV series? This is a fun site to go and imagine the possibilities. Diana Gabaldon says that Jamie would be a combination of Jason Flemyng and Gerard Butler. I've never heard of either of them before, but...be still my beating heart.....I think Gerard Butler would INDEED make a pleasing Jamie.....yowza! (that's the guy in the picture here.....my my my)

(other pics of mine: Kristin Scott Thomas as Claire, and the woman that played Brenda on Six Feet Under for Geillis Duncan.)

When do you stop worrying?

Katy left a comment asking the question, "when do you stop worrying?" in regards to an unborn child. Katy is newly pregnant--YAY! Congratulations!

Katy, I hate to tell you this, but--your worries have only begun.

While different parents have different degress of worry to which they are inclined, and different children and situations cause varying amounts of worry, I think that becoming a parent makes you vulnerable like nothing else ever has or will. Your heart will soon be living outside your body, in many ways, and you'll probably never feel completely without some degree of concern for your child ever again.

In pregnancy, I have had all sorts of worries. I worried about things like, "What if the baby is born without a body part?" (I didn't have ultrasounds for 3 or 4 of my pregnancies) and "What if I am really having conjoined twins and we don't realize it and when it comes time to give birth I can't do it?!" (far-fetched concerns are fun ones but if you watch too many unsolved mystery type shows you might start to feel like oddities are statistically more likely than they really are)

I worried my way through my entire third pregnancy and everything was perfect, right down to the world's most perfect baby ever. :)

For my fourth pregnancy I had very high expectations, and ended up with a high-risk nightmare pregnancy. Thankfully, we still got an adorable, wonderful son out of the deal, though he was born 3 months early.

During my 6th pregnancy I felt a deep concern that I didn't fully understand but prompted me to do alot of praying. I literally prayed and prayed for my child's life and for God to protect us. There were no warning signs of anything going wrong. The entire pregnancy was smooth sailing. And then one day I woke up gushing blood. I had a placental abruption. Thankfully we ended up with our adorable Squiggy Magoo and he got a live and kicking (well, not so much kicking after an emergency c-section, but alive nonetheless) mom out of the deal. I still feel that my prayers "availed much" in that situation.

The good news is that most of the time pregnancy goes just perfect. Worry is a normal part of being a parent. But it isn't fun. Somewhere along the line you get used to it. Sort of.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Want to see some amazing photos of some unborn babies? You can go visit Womb's Window, which is my mother's business. And after you get done looking at the babies, you can go check out my latest project, the Womb's Window Shopping Mall. Be sure to sign up for the newsletter--it is going to be really good, and we have a lot of exciting things coming up, including The Baby Boutique at Womb's Window, opening next month! Katy--we'll have the goods to get you and that new baby of yours looking totally adorable!

For Your Daily Tear-Jerker...

I found out about this beautiful post about a family that is learning more about living out God's purposes even in the midst of difficulty. Don't miss it.

Who Says Your Opinion is Only Worth Two Cents?

Do Not Call

This may be old news to you, but if you want to stop most telemarketers from calling you, use that phone to call 1 888 382 1222 to register your phone as off-limits for the next 5 years. Or, you can get the job done online here.

If You Wanna Be Happy for the Rest of Your Life....

There is an interesting article in Forbes from last week and a lot of people in the blogosphere are commenting about it. The article states that if men want to be happy they should not marry a career woman.

A lot of those comments come from conservative Christian stay-at-home women who seem to want to say, "Yeah, see?! If you're a career girl, your life is going to stink. And that's because you're not staying at home like you should be!"

These are often the same women that want us to believe that they are so utterly fulfilled in what they do at home that nothing could top it, and of course that's just one more side benefit to doing things the Right Way. I notice that many of these women also have home businesses, write books, have a blog, etc. so really they DO enjoy getting to do some outside activities besides just the basic housekeeping and childrearing....but they kind of overlook that point.

One woman commented that if you are spending your time doing what GOD wants you to do, you do not have time for anything else. Interestingly, she found time to be reading and commenting on blogs that day....huh. ("and on the eighth day God said, 'Let there be blogs!'")

I've had a lot of thoughts about this article and the comments I've read about it, but it's been difficult to put it all into words. Today I think I have the simple points that this article made me think about:

1. The article is basically saying that women who have options aren't necessarily willing to stay at home or stay in an unhappy marriage. Makes me wonder how many women without options are feeling stuck and unhappy.....

2. Many men want what a career woman brings to the relationship, but apparently then are disappointed because they didn't marry a person who wants to be a homemaker.

3. I seriously wonder about this talk of being happily married. All that glitters is not gold, my dears. Just because people stay married does not mean they are happy. Right off the top, 50% of couples divorce. And who knows how many of the remaining 50% are actually happily married? ( I would venture to guess that at least half of the remaining group are not happy.) Marriage is difficult even under the best of circumstances. Why do people wed and think they'll be happy for the rest of their life?

4. I can also tell you from years of being on large egroups for women who are mainly Christian homemakers, moms, and homeschoolers, that there are LOTS of unhappy marriages and major problems for these folks. It doesn't seem that being Suzy Homemaker is helping things in those situations, either.

5. It's interesting to me that the "Proverbs 31 Woman" is held up as a shining example for Christian women of hard work, lack of sleep, and industrious behavior. Interestingly, this passage of scripture mentions nothing about this lady cooking or cleaning or interacting with her husband and kids. (it does say she makes sure they have clothes) She works, she manages servants, she handles a home business and real estate transactions, and makes her husband look good in society. From what the Bible says, he doesn't worry about anything she's doing--he knows she's doing a good job and he can trust her. She's a free agent, running her own ship.

She sounds like a career woman to me, actually. She manages it all and works hard at it. But she's not reported to be cleaning out the toilets and making casseroles and homeschooling......

What did the Proverbs 31 husband like about his wife that would be useful today?

Shaggy Dog-movie review

We watched The Shaggy Dog the other night with all the kids. I don't have the brain power left to give you a long and witty review. Let's just leave it at
1. it was funny
2. it was cute
3. We all liked it (good for kids 3-36)

Watch it! :)

Swap Your CDs!

Hey folks--Paperback Swap now has a sister site--Swap a CD. This is a great place to unload your old CDs that you don't listen to any more, and pick up some goodies that you want. I have LOVED using Paperback Swap and have gotten probably at least 2 dozen books there since joining. It has saved me time and money and the books are almost always very good quality. Now I am working on swapping CDs and am excited about that as well. Check it out!